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Why do guys sometimes look like they are mad at you when actually they are attracted to you?


COtuner

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Ok, I'll explain. I had always thought that guys in some way did not like me because they would scowl when looking at me or scowl and talk to their buddies. Then my best friend, a guy, finally told me that the expression I took to be a sign of dislike was actually the opposite. He started pointing out all the guys checking me out and I actually was upset with him for not telling me before (this was 6 or 7 years ago). He assumed I knew, but obviously I did not. Naturally my social life improved a lot once I knew this.

 

So my question is twofold: have other women seen this and wondered about it? And to the guys, why don't you smile when you like someone instead of looking somewhat ticked off?

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It's not something I do consciously, but I think it can happen in situations where I'm into a girl, but not feeling confident and feeling either out of her league or that there's no way she'd like me back. In those situations, I think subconsciously, for some stupid pride reasons, I'd prefer to not show her that I like her, because since I don't feel it will be reciprocated, I don't want to give her the satisfaction.

 

Stupid, huh? I don't think I do this much anymore, but I do remember this happening more when I was younger...

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I wondered if it was because I did not date in high school or really in college either (too busy working full time in college) and just never learned how to read the signs. To me, the expression of being attracted clearly looked angry. I don't know.... my friend thought it was very funny, I didn't obviously.

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It's not something I do consciously, but I think it can happen in situations where I'm into a girl, but not feeling confident and feeling either out of her league or that there's no way she'd like me back. In those situations, I think subconsciously, for some stupid pride reasons, I'd prefer to not show her that I like her, because since I don't feel it will be reciprocated, I don't want to give her the satisfaction.

 

Stupid, huh? I don't think I do this much anymore, but I do remember this happening more when I was younger...

 

Do you feel your expression change? I mean do you shut down any attempt to smile or anything?

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Ok, I'll explain. I had always thought that guys in some way did not like me because they would scowl when looking at me or scowl and talk to their buddies. Then my best friend, a guy, finally told me that the expression I took to be a sign of dislike was actually the opposite. He started pointing out all the guys checking me out and I actually was upset with him for not telling me before (this was 6 or 7 years ago). He assumed I knew, but obviously I did not. Naturally my social life improved a lot once I knew this.

 

So my question is twofold: have other women seen this and wondered about it? And to the guys, why don't you smile when you like someone instead of looking somewhat ticked off?

 

ok maybe its the sleeping pills i took but explain in more details what you mean...is this something like when a guy really likes he he goofs off alot?

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Do you feel your expression change? I mean do you shut down any attempt to smile or anything?

 

Yeah, you notice it. It may not have anything to do with a specific girl, but I might just be out at a club or bar with my friends and feeling down on my luck, so I guess I would just go into "I'm not even going to try" mode. And when you're not having a great time, your expression tends to go from neutral to angry or sad.

 

Even that's backfired on me, I've had random girls drag me onto the dance floor in an effort to cheer me up when I've been sitting to the side with a bad expression on my face - go figure!

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ok maybe its the sleeping pills i took but explain in more details what you mean...is this something like when a guy really likes he he goofs off alot?

 

I don't speak for all guys, I can only tell you it from my experience. It's not behavior I'm proud of. Describing it here makes me realize how stupid it is.

 

I'll give you a recent example. There was a girl who worked at the gym I went to that I developed a bit of a crush on. I would smile at her and say hi and she would too. Eventually I found out that a) she was that friendly with everyone, she was just that kind of person and b) she had a boyfriend. Well, as a sort of defense mechanism, I guess, I didn't interact with her as much, I stopped making eye contact, saying hi as much, and smiling. I knew there was nothing there for me and I also didn't want to continue letting her know that I liked her when I knew I couldn't have her. Juvenile, but that's how my mind works sometimes.

 

Even in a bar, if I see a really attractive girl, but she seems like the type who could get any guy she wants, I know that likely won't be me, so my pride doesn't want to give her the satisfaction of yet another guy being into her.

 

Gah, it's so stupid!! haha

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ok maybe its the sleeping pills i took but explain in more details what you mean...is this something like when a guy really likes he he goofs off alot?

 

Hmmmm...... imagine you're at a sporting event. You're just out having a good time with friends. You're casually glancing around at people around you, maybe you notice a guy you think is attractive. You get a shy smile on your face and kind of try to catch his eye. The guy is looking at you with no sign of emotion on his face, no return smile, no nothing. In fact he looks intense, and his mouth kind of turns down. Suddenly you feel self conscious, like you shouldn't have worn a hockey jersey to the game and maybe you look fat.... should have worn that halter top instead... then you think "I guess I'm just not the kind of girl that guys want to talk to".

 

My friend pointed it out when one of the hockey players on the ice actually ran into another player while looking at me. He had the same kind of ticked expression on his face. I asked my friend about that look, and that's when he explained it. And started pointing out other guys to me that liked me. Just blew me away.

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My friend pointed it out when one of the hockey players on the ice actually ran into another player while looking at me. He had the same kind of ticked expression on his face. I asked my friend about that look, and that's when he explained it. And started pointing out other guys to me that liked me. Just blew me away.

 

Okay, the hockey player running into another player while looking at you is hilarious, but *not* what I was describing. When I get like that, it takes some time around the girl, it's not an instant reaction.

 

Are you sure you weren't wearing something quite revealing?

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Thanks Clarity for explaining. I don't think it's silly, but maybe it's another case of missed signals. I didn't understand, so I didn't know what to do. Maybe that explains why some guys can't figure out why women don't respond?

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Okay, the hockey player running into another player while looking at you is hilarious, but *not* what I was describing. When I get like that, it takes some time around the girl, it's not an instant reaction.

 

Are you sure you weren't wearing something quite revealing?

 

Trust me, I wasn't. Honest. I had on a hockey jersey and a turtleneck, jeans and some heels.

 

The hockey player thing was only thrown in to give the story that led to my asking the question about the expression to my guy friend. The guy staring at me in the concourse is more the look I'm asking about.

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I would not take 1 thing your male friend said and think it is some universal truth about men. I have never experienced this. Men who have approached me and expressed interest in me usually have a smile on their face. I would not take scowls or pissed off looks as a sign of interest, no matter what your buddy says.

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I would not take 1 thing your male friend said and think it is some universal truth about men. I have never experienced this. Men who have approached me and expressed interest in me usually have a smile on their face. I would not take scowls or pissed off looks as a sign of interest, no matter what your buddy says.

 

Agreed, and I'm not saying that every time I look unhappy I'm actually interested in a girl, haha, far from it! Just saying there have been the odd exceptions. And there's no way I would approach a girl with anything but a smile - if I'm not smiling, it means I've already decided the approach isn't worth the effort, for whatever reason.

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I would not take 1 thing your male friend said and think it is some universal truth about men. I have never experienced this. Men who have approached me and expressed interest in me usually have a smile on their face. I would not take scowls or pissed off looks as a sign of interest, no matter what your buddy says.

 

It's the one expression, which unfortunately I can't show.... so far he has been right on the money almost every time. I'm just curious as to why guys do it. Maybe I'll risk asking one of them sometime.

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COtuner, You just shed some light for me! Didn't realize it at the time but I had this happen at the holiday party I threw last week. My brother's friend (who likes me) came. At the time I thought he was scowling b/c I am not seeking to pursue anything with him but this totally makes sense. I was deep in convo and from accross the room he was scowling. LOL I was like WTH?! did I do something?

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Well, the hockey player was different than the guy in the lobby. The hockey player was a pro and just out doing his job (although this was warmup 45 mins before the game). He just happened to have the same look on his face as the guys that my guy friends says are actually checking me out.

 

I wish there was some way I could better describe it... this was the best I could do. guy is looking at you with no sign of emotion on his face, no return smile, no nothing. In fact he looks intense, and his mouth kind of turns down.

 

I get this in the gym, at sports bars, working on my car, in my office clothes running errands on lunch break, etc. Often when it's two guys together. Usually from jocks or guys I would find to be very attractive or as they say on here "alpha males". It's why I've never dated them -I assumed they had no interest and only geeky guys or older guys found me attractive (40 and 50 year olds) because they were more outgoing and friendly in their attitudes towards me.

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COtuner, You just shed some light for me! Didn't realize it at the time but I had this happen at the holiday party I threw last week. My brother's friend (who likes me) came. At the time I thought he was scowling b/c I am not seeking to pursue anything with him but this totally makes sense. I was deep in convo and from accross the room he was scowling. LOL I was like WTH?! did I do something?

 

YES! That might be similar to what I am talking about... of course you already know he likes you

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I've had guys be extremely rude to me before as well. I know I'm a good looking girl but I find it silly when people say I'm "intimidating"...frankly, I am super nice to anyone I meet, except for the jerks.

 

I remember I was out at a nightclub with a couple of friends and a girlfriend of mine was talking up a bouncer. I stood nearby and when she went to get a drink, he began to harass me. At first I tried to be a little diplomatic - (I removed his hand from my waist and stepped away) - and then he said something vulgar and I told him to pull his lip up over his head and swallow it (well, more or less ). Before my friend came back he had called over his female bouncers and had me KICKED OUT, without even letting me wait for my friend to return.

 

Yah...I really don't get why guys can be such losers because their ego is threatened.

 

On another note, why can't those guys who feel they don't have a chance just chill out and be pleasant. It's not like it'll kill them to keep a friend, even if they can't sleep with them. For most women, that angry scowl makes you look like a dork.

 

Personally, charisma and confidence go a LONG way. I've never given a "scowler" the time of day - too attention seeking for me.

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