Hannah13 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 My now ex and i had our share of fights, trying times, and mistakes. Through everything, we loved each other, and i believed with all my heart that he was a good person, that he was something special. He is my first love, and i always wanted him to be the last. Ive dated other guys and no one ever compared to him. When he broke up with me in september, i didnt understand. It took me a while to realize that i had to save myself. I stopped texting/talking to him, and changed my part time work schedule so that i didnt have to see him. It was the hardest thing ive ever had to do. When he contacted me about a month later, saying he missed me, i thought we'd be back to normal, but that never happened. This happened twice more. I went NC each time. It was agonizing, and not a day went by that i didnt think about him. About a month ago and a half ago, he texted again, only this time was different. He wanted me back, and did wonderful things to show me he was serious. Me being stupid, i was skeptical and shut myself off from him, lied to him about things, and was a horrible girlfriend(we got back together after a week of him trying to get me back). I now regret it so much. For a girl who for 3 months just wanted the love of her life back, i didnt act like it, and now i feel sick when i think about it. We broke up again. This time i knew it would be worse, knowing i caused it. Two days after the break up, i heard he was with someone else, though not officially yet. They made it official just this past week. I know i hurt him terribly, and that i pushed him away. I have never in my life been more hurt, i feel like i lost a part of myself. Weve talked a bit, he asked to see me after we worked a couple days ago, said he missed me and couldnt stop thinking about me. His gf was away for the holiday. He said he wanted me to tell him why i didnt think she was right, why i was better, and he said this had the possibilty of changing things. I poured my heart out for 2 days. Obviously, nothing changed. We even stayed up on new years, texting all night until 6 in the morning just like we used to. But, I intitiated NC today, saying that i loved him with all my heart, I was sorry i messed up so badly and hurt him, and that i wanted him to be happy, and that ill miss him terribly. Texting him isnt going to do me any good, even though he still wants to. I would have done anything for him. I would marry him if he asked me today. The love of my life is now gone, and there is nothing i can do. My heart cant take it anymore, and i dont want anyone else. I feel stuck, depressed really. I dont eat unless i force myself to. I break down crying at random times. Everywhere i look i see him, every dream hurts because he's in it. I turn on the tv and find something to remind me of him. I hang out with friends and think only of him. I dont want to go to my jobs, i dont want to go to classes coming up. Everything inside me hurts and aches for him. Life just isnt right without him. I truly believe that he should not be with this girl, that he and i are supposed to be together. I dont know where to go from here, i dont know how you get over losing someone again, let alone the love of your life. Its all i can do to get up in the morning and face the day, to put a smile on for my family and friends, or even to just run to the drugstore. I never thought anyone could put me this low in my life, but here i am. Any guidance, thoughts, wisdom? Ill take anything, sorry this was so long! Link to comment
scarred Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Change the he's to she's and vice versa in your last paragraph and it sounds like you're reading my mind. I don't know what to do either. All I can say is that I hope things work out for the best, whatever that may be. Link to comment
waltwhit Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Hannah, First of all let me say that I know what you are going through. Not having someone you love in your life can be a definite bummer, to say the least. It can seem like the world is against you and that nothing else can fill that void. In your post you said, if not alluded to the fact that, you feel like life is not worth living if you cannot have your love in it. These are all rational and typical feelings when you break up with someone, even with someone that you are convinced is "the one." The important thing though for you right now is to start to discover who you really are. You. By yourself and without this guy. The key to having everything in abundance in your life is for you to be happy being you. To be happy regardless of who or what is in your life. So I think this is an amazing opportunity for you to start to get in touch with who you are and to get in touch with being happy on a day to day, minute to minute basis because you are you. This may sound simplistic and not very helpful, but in reality it is the most important thing that you can realize. Once you fully grasp this, and spend some serious time on YOU, you will have things in your life in abundance that make you even happier, including, perhaps, your lost love or, even better, someone who comes along as a result of you being happy with you, which by the way, will definitely be better than you having someone in your life who loves you because you make them the center of your universe. I hope this has helped, if even a little bit. I am not sure I have put everything as succinctly as I could, but hopefully you get the gist. If you find peace within yourself, all that is around you will be peaceful as well. All the best... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 You may have hurt him but he is no angel either. He rebounded with another woman and is basically cheating on her...wanting you to tell him you want him yet he is not free. If he really wants you why is he still with rebound woman. He is not being fair to her. So his current actions suggest to me that he was not faultless in all of this. He knows how you feel now..if he really cares he will dump his rebound gf and come back to you. Right now you just have to accept that you made mistakes and just move forward with your life. Link to comment
Hannah13 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 Im not sure how to do this now. I feel so weak and distraught. He said maybe in the future we could be together again, and that he still loves me. How can a person do that? Put their like before their love, and just be ok? This girl must be something special, god. I feel so pushed aside, and i cant help but to think about them together. I just dont understand any of this. It doesnt make sense to me. And im hurting so bad. even if we were to be together again someday, how do i make it til then? Link to comment
thorpe Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Im not sure how to do this now. I feel so weak and distraught. He said maybe in the future we could be together again, and that he still loves me. How can a person do that? Put their like before their love, and just be ok? This girl must be something special, god. I feel so pushed aside, and i cant help but to think about them together. I just dont understand any of this. It doesnt make sense to me. And im hurting so bad. even if we were to be together again someday, how do i make it til then? Hannah13 it's a terrible thing for your ex to say that. Don't dwell on his words take a look at his actions those tell the truth. There's no easy answer to the pain, you just have to work through it. Friends, family and keeping yourself busy will help. Link to comment
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