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Invasion of my privacy here by a friend, what would you all do?


Karmageddon

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I will try to make this as brief as possible.

 

My friend and co-worker has found out my user name here and has been spying on me on-line and has obviously read all of my past issues with my ex boyfriend of whom he hates & is extremely jealous of.

 

Our company gave all managers the ability to look at everyones computer at any time which is why I stopped checking in with you all at work & you have all been sorely missed! But of course, he was able to pull everything off of there and go cyber snooping on me.

 

I have not deleted my profile yet, but feel that that is really my only recourse as far as being able to have ANY privacy to discuss any issues that I do not feel are any of his business. But if I delete it, then the people who I go to advice for are now gone.

 

I am at a bit of a loss. I can confront him with this, but he will just lie Im sure. He already checks my art account every couple days so I can only imagine how often he is here. I am very aware that he has some real issues that need to be dealt with, but it is nothing that I can help him with.

 

It has been made abundantly clear that there will not be anything romantic between us & while he now says that is crystal clear...we still have these issues. I am very close with his family, care for him very much, but I have really just had it with the obsessive weirdness. I know its not normal, but not sure what to do with either of these issues.

 

So guys, for my last post, any advice would be great.

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Talk to your manager's boss. What he is doing is crossing the line. I can understand managers using this feature to make sure employees aren't goofing off, but I have to agree with Mutley, this is crossing into stalking, and its obviously bothering you. If he won't stop when you ask him, go above him.

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He's probably reading this thread... or at least will read this thread. So, this is directed at him. GET A LIFE!

 

To you, OP, ask the mods if you can create a new account.

 

I have already changed my name once for this very reason, but that has now been made a mute point.

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Talk to your manager's boss. What he is doing is crossing the line. I can understand managers using this feature to make sure employees aren't goofing off, but I have to agree with Mutley, this is crossing into stalking, and its obviously bothering you. If he won't stop when you ask him, go above him.

 

Well, this actually is his job which is why he was given these tools. The fact that he was able to view something and return to it later is the more personal issue.

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I know that this seems contradictory, but he is also a really great person, which is the only reason why I have not choked the you know what out of him.

 

He is good to his family and friends. I just cannot tell if he is bored and needs to get a life or if the crush gives him this overwhelming need to know what is going on with me.

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Well, this actually is his job which is why he was given these tools. The fact that he was able to view something and return to it later is the more personal issue.
I see. Thats what I was thinking. Still, he is abusing the tools that he was given, which is something he should not be doing.

 

I know that this seems contradictory, but he is also a really great person, which is the only reason why I have not choked the you know what out of him.

 

He is good to his family and friends. I just cannot tell if he is bored and needs to get a life or if the crush gives him this overwhelming need to know what is going on with me.

Ah. I don't doubt that he is a good person, obviously he must be or you wouldn't be friends with him. What bothers me is that, like you said, he is invading your privacy, and snooping around getting information about something that is very personal to you.

 

Maybe he is bored, or maybe this is an extension of his crush, but he can find other outlets besides checking your activity on here. If he's so curious about you and your ex-bf, why doesn't he just come out and ask you? He's being sneaky by doing what he's doing.

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ahhh...the spin cycle of denial.

 

 

ok..ok... I'm sure he is very nice person.

 

If you didn't know all this, you would more than likely think so...to be very honest with you.

 

If he was a jerk, there would be no dilemma. But there is this.

 

So, do you think that shutting down all my on line stuff is the best way to go?

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I see. Thats what I was thinking. Still, he is abusing the tools that he was given, which is something he should not be doing.

 

Ah. I don't doubt that he is a good person, obviously he must be or you wouldn't be friends with him. What bothers me is that, like you said, he is invading your privacy, and snooping around getting information about something that is very personal to you.

 

Maybe he is bored, or maybe this is an extension of his crush, but he can find other outlets besides checking your activity on here. If he's so curious about you and your ex-bf, why doesn't he just come out and ask you? He's being sneaky by doing what he's doing.

 

Yes he is. I think what happened was that he drew a line in the sand with me when I started dating him. That he didn't ever want to talk about him, meet him etc.... So I was fine with that. But then I think that curiosity got the better of him & when he got the opportunity he took it.

 

Extremely rude & selfish in my opinion. And it isn't something I think he would quit doing, so hence the dropping off this site. ;(

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Maybe its a sign to take a small break. He wont check if he gets bored. If hes read your past issues, its almost like the damage has been done. Sucks though. It is kinda stalkerish/creepy too.

 

I haven't posted anything here to do with me personally in a while, although I have responded to others. But I don't think he won't check it anyway. I havent posted any new photos on my account and he still checks it all the time.

 

Its just unfortunate & yes it does suck. There are all times when we need privacy & when it has been invaded it really hits you in kind of a weird way

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If you didn't know all this, you would more than likely think so...to be very honest with you.

 

If he was a jerk, there would be no dilemma. But there is this.

 

So, do you think that shutting down all my on line stuff is the best way to go?

 

But being "nice" doesn't absolve anyone of having pathologies.

 

Perhaps you may have to shut everything down.

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Yes he is. I think what happened was that he drew a line in the sand with me when I started dating him. That he didn't ever want to talk about him, meet him etc.... So I was fine with that. But then I think that curiosity got the better of him & when he got the opportunity he took it.

 

Extremely rude & selfish in my opinion. And it isn't something I think he would quit doing, so hence the dropping off this site. ;(

 

Yes, he is being quite selfish. It sounds like he's saying to you, "You aren't going out with this guy anymore, so I want you to push him out of your life completely." Uh, HELLO? No breakup ever goes like that? I don't think you should drop off of here at all. Doing so would hand him a victory. You shouldn't need to drop off of here just because of his insecurities.

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Yes, he is being quite selfish. It sounds like he's saying to you, "You aren't going out with this guy anymore, so I want you to push him out of your life completely." Uh, HELLO? No breakup ever goes like that? I don't think you should drop off of here at all. Doing so would hand him a victory. You shouldn't need to drop off of here just because of his insecurities.

 

Then what about my privacy?

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I haven't posted anything here to do with me personally in a while, although I have responded to others. But I don't think he won't check it anyway. I havent posted any new photos on my account and he still checks it all the time.

 

Its just unfortunate & yes it does suck. There are all times when we need privacy & when it has been invaded it really hits you in kind of a weird way

 

I know EXACLTY how you feel as of late.

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Then what about my privacy?

Like I said before, you might want to talk to your friend's supervisor about it. I understand that checking what employees are doing on their computers is his job, but he is blatantly abusing his power by what he is doing, and he is obviously making you uncomfortable. I'd only advise shutting everything down when you have no other options left, and right now you have a few.

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Karmageddon,

Get your I.T. usage agreement out that you and everybody else at your company signed and agreed to and read it. If it is written properly it will have a section for the right of the "Company" to view your activity. There should also be a section detailing your rights. This section is very important! The agreement does not give the "Company" or it's designated employess (him) the right to use activity on their computer to access your personal information on other sites ie hotmail, ENA, yahoo and on and on.

He is in very dangerous territory and is likely to get the company and himself sued over this at the very least. I would suggest you google some of this and you will see that the courts do not look kindly on this sort of thing. To put it simply, He is using his position of power to harass you! Harassment comes in many forms and this is blatant.

You said "this is part of his job" but this is not part of his job. He has singled you out because he would like a relationship with you and you declined and now it is affecting your personal life and privacy. I would say you should contact an attorney for a free consult. I am quite sure you would win. The only question is how many zeros will be on the check.

 

Do NOT give into this harassment. Go to your H.R. department and get a copy of the your computer use policy and your rights and then talk to an attorney. You may not be the only person he has or is doing this to.

 

 

lost

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