My lonely life

[John14087]

I feel kinda down because Valentine's Day is tomorrow and im alone again!!! It's like I dont know what Im doing wrong and its extremely aggrivating. I mean all my friends have girlfriends why not me? And I have this one, well i really wouldnt call him a friend more of a friends friend, who is dating and he's a complete pervert and jerk. I look around and i see myself alone. I wake up every day hopeful then i have a horrible day every day! Every day this garbage goes on! I read on this site all these happy couples and who were once happy couples and I say why not me? I'd even be happy with an ex- girlfiend than have no one at all. Sometimes I just cry and cry wishing I was dead.

 

I mean i'm nice to people, i don't like to fight people. Im a pretty mellow guy but this loneliness is crushing. Lately i've been getting in a lot of arguments with family and friends because im angry with myself so instead of blaming myself I take it out on others. When I go to parties there are lots of girls there but all of them seem they dont even seem to want to be seen near me so i feel depressed there when i really should be having a good time. When girls in my classes laugh at something I always assume that their laughter is directed at me so I feel depressed. Is there anyone out there who feels the same as me? Thanks for reading!

[neallo82288]

I know how you feel. Out of the last six VDays, I have only spent two with somebody. But what you need to do is realize that you must get off of this self pity trip and strive to fulfill your dreams. Attracting girls, is nothing more to it then how you carry yourself. Hold your head up and push your shoulders back. This is a sign of self respect and self confidence. You are yuong and still awkward, so take what life deals you and make the most of it. Mans need to be with someone is a miss interpreation of one's own ability to deal with life. Your life seems to be going bad so you turn to somebody, but you have nobody so you need to be with somebody to turn to. Well, in actuality all you need is trust in oneself and nothing more. You want to be with somebody. wants and needs are two different things. Wants are things that you desire. Needs are things that you have to have for survival. You want a car. You need food. You want a good home. You need aire to breath. You want a girl. You need nobody, but mom and dad.

 

So you see, you do not need a girl to survive, but having a girl would make life easier. Remember head up and shgoulders back.

 

Hope you found this helpful,

Neallo

[mahlina]

Hi John!

 

I once felt the way you do. Actually, somedays, I'll have my bouts of saddness. I feel the way you do, I'll wake up and dread waking up. But, that's only on occasions, especially after a break up. However, I almost felt the way you do when I woke up this morning, I thought, "Oh God, Valentine's Day is tomorrow...I feel real like ish...I have to work, and I won't be going out b/c whole bunch of homwork that I have to catch up to, and worst of all, I have to envision my ex taking some girl out for Valentine's day when it should've been me (that jerk..)..!" I kind of felt the tension that you're going through.

 

I know exactly how you feel. I tried to justify my feelings. As I was laying in bed, I thought about the Marxian theory, and really thought about why holidays are emphasized. My excuse is, holidays are just a marketing ploy, a very effective one as well. Without holidays, the economy would so be linear. Holidays promote consumers' spending.

 

That's my excuse! And if you think about it, those who do have someone to share it with, it's the general assumption that they'll have the perfect romantic dinner/date. Well, guess what? It's not always true. I remember one of my Valentines being spent with an ex, in which turned out to be drama...

 

So don't feel bad that you don't have a current g/f, b/c things happen for a reason. Just be strong about it. It's just like Hemmingway's characters and how they endure 'grace under pressure.' These are the trying times in which fate will bring you that special person for life.

 

I hope this helps! If you're having a hard time with feeling lonely, I suggest to internalize reasons that might justify why being single for Valentine's isn't so bad after all. Think about it as being just another day. Do something that you enjoy. Just spoil yourself. Indulge in your favorite hobbies. I think that the 3 things that keep me going are my parents, beagle, and orchids. (I'm actually researching on building a nice greenhouse for them to keep myself busy).

[drumbum99]

Hey John,

 

Sorry to hear that too bad I have the EXACT same situation as you. It really pisses me off and still does. Like theres this 1 guy who treats her like a object and acts like the biggest macho guy, he goes around like a complete lunatic, but sum how she still goes for the idiot. meh maybe its b/c of the friday the 13th, or she jus doesnt have her head together. O well best of luck. And I feel exactly like you.

[bzborow1]

I think you need some help with reframing yourself. You notice that it's a cycle you're in right? I mean you realize the confident, cocky guys are the ones who get the babes...and u r alone, and thus u get depressed...it's quite a cycle. But instead of feeling depressed and sorry for yourself why don't you try and make life what you want it. That's sound cliche but it's true.

 

Example. Try turning a limiting belief, such as "i can't get a girl" and flip it into a how-to question. You teach yourself these things over time, you've gone through the first step of realizing there's a problem by coming here, now take the next step. Changing your behaviour. Anyways...take that "i can't get a girl" and make some how-to type questions. Examples..

 

how do i go about getting a date?

how do i teach myself to become confident?

how do i attract women?

what are the people that get dates doing?

and so on...

 

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself...challenge yourself. The problem isn't necessarily everyone else...or "the system"...maybe you are just limiting yourself?

 

make any sense?

 

Bill

[sidehop]

Hey John,

 

I'm sorry you're feeling sad. I'm alone too this year, in fact it's been awhile since I had a "blast" for Valentine's but even though it may feel like you won't meet anyone, you will. Like vfunk said, for some, it's not their turn but it comes around.

 

Focus on yourself and live a happy life. It's easy to say but what I've been doing is working out & eating really well so I can look good physically. The results and great and I'm getting more confident even though it will take additional time to get the results I want.

 

Do you have a hobby? Any interest? When I'm depressed, I just go for a bike ride...or go for a drive, or just simply walk my dog. Pets are great for friends, they are very loyal and I swear they know what you are feeling.

 

I'm not looking tomorrow as a sad day, in fact, be happy that there's someone out there for you, because there is! But to attract that someone, be yourself and make yourself happy first.

 

Good luck buddy

[colly]

I work in a club and will be dingle this valentines day (infact, as of the day before it, but thats another story)

 

But i stood in work last night looking at all the people in the place and thinking how many people there really are out there. How many posibilities lay before me and i got quite excited about just not knowing what was ahead of me.

 

Yeah, it sucks to be single, but you know of the to girlfiends i have had, i have never ever seen them coming, nor been trying. It's just happened.

 

And as somewhat of a comforting thought, i worked last years valentines day int he same club and it was truly amaziing and suprising how many poeple were in the place and were single that night. I was not the only one. You are not the only one

 

Dont worry - it will happen!

[John14087]

You know you guys are right. I shouldn't be depressed. It's valentines day today and you know what i really dont feel that bad after your guys advice. A couple of times today, I actually forgot it was valentine's day!! Thanks again, your replys got me thinking!!

[sweetapples]

John,

I have an idea, think of someone on tv or someone you know that has confidence that you wish you had and emulate them for a couple of days. When I say emulate I mean their body language, hand gestures, tonality of voice they use when talking with others. This idea occurred to me when I was watching "Average Joe", and there was a guest appearance by a NFL Football star. Even though he is more handsome and has a much more athletic body than the "Joe's", the thing that caught my attention was the way he composed himself, basically his body language and the way he walked showed that was a confident guy.

 

I am going to test out this idea myself over the next 5 days. I have selected Justin Timberlake as my role model for this experiment. I will strut around and act like I am all that similar to Justin Timberlake. I am going to post anything interesting that happens and any relavent observations.

[colly]

Oh, and to conclude. I was working in the club last night (valentines). It was busier than normal. We asked all the single people to raise their hands - the whole room responded. We have a 1100 capacity - you figure it out!

 

Nope, were not the only ones!

 

Regards

 

colly

[Shinobie]

Ya im in the same exact situation as you are john like the same exact one like identical.I dont get it either it seems like they think im a pervert for some reason and weird when im completely anti pervert i think its hella wrong.I get on my friends abou their stupid perverted comments that they like to say.A lot of my other friends have girlfriends and some that r just regular friends i dont know any at all.I dont know why this bothers me at such a young age but maybe its because i constantly see my friends talking to girls going on dates and having fun.While im back at home playing counter strike and games i mean i would rather be in their place.I mean i work and hang out with friends a lot too but when they r having their great time with girls im back at home alone just playing game son my computer.Even my fat perverted friend has a fricken gf and he has an obsession with girl khajits like off of morrowind i mean that is just plain sick.I tell him he needs to stop those crazed weird thoughts.I mean how does he have a girlfriend if he is so messed up like that i dont get it and i never have.Im skinny and stuff but i guess im just ugly or something.I dont get why everythign is so unequal like people at school who r popular,smart,funny,good looking,rich,etc i mean it doesnt make sense i get tired of it .

[John14087]

that is exactly what i do except i dont play games except sometimes, i just sit there watching tv on friday night if all nights. it really pissess me off. ANd whn i do go to parties it like oh its that one guy that goes to our school and everyone just ignores me it seems like. Then i end up getting angry and i just leave without saying a word. and when i come back to school everyones like whyd u leave and im like it was hella boring and no girls were talking to me because they were busy talking to other guys at the party.

[Shinobie]

Ya man like when i went to this 8th grade dance when i really didnt want to go but my friend wanted me to go all i did was go home feeling bad.When i got there all i did was sit there watching everybody else get asked to dance like all my friends while i sit there laying on my pathetic a** watching them.Then i got angry and left grabbing my 8th my grade diploma since it was a dance for graduation going home feeling so bad and down so its kind of like ur party experiences ur not alone man just feel better and i hope things go better for you becauae im trying to get thing better for me.

[Outlaw2747]

I won't get into how much I hate this day. Different time for that. Before I met my new gf (in April/May) I hated Valentine's Day (and still kinda do). I would always sit by and watch every jerk guy and good girl have fun. I would sit there and wonder to myself, do I even have a purpose? I get so depressed. And seeing red and pink would drive me nuts. I have gotten gifts from people (just a stupid card) but it never did me any good because they only did it out of pity, how pathetic is that? Now I really felt bad. But what would kill me the most is when some girl would come up to me just to tell me how much she loves Valentine's Day and how great her jerk bf is. And I would look at her as if I was saying, "You need to seek help and seek help NOW!" Then my male friends would start bragging and I would get highly upset. For all you guys out there who hate Valentine's Day, I'm with you on this one. Now I HAVE to like this day since I have someone but I will spare the lonely people out there and will not talk about this day to them because I have been through it all.

[Francis]

You are still sooo young, so please don't desperate. There can be two possibilities : Either there are some girls that like you but you don't recognize the signs OR there a no girls who like you.

 

I believe you should try to assess yourself objectively : At your age, girls are only looking for a few things : looks, clothes, a job and perhaps a car. When you get older, you'll have to get the perm job, the nice apartment, then the house.

 

How do you objectively look? I believe you should try to look your best, even if you have to get a complete makeover. A friend of mine (about 40 yrs old) used to dress like the 70s (tight jeans, jean jacket) ponytail, whatever cheap shoes. He got a makeover : short hair, nice fashionable style and now, even though he is older, he has a lot of women who like him. I am not saying that once you are good looking, you should take advantage of your looks and play the field. But you know that physical appearance is important (just examine the type of girls you like).

 

Once you have had a major makeover (including posture) then if you get a part time job, then you will be able to attract girls. Be careful, however, to avoid women who only want you to take them places, restaurants, or shopping (especially shopping). A girl who loves you will stay close to you even if you don't buy her things or take her to expensive places.

[Shinobie]

Wow francis i know u werent trying to make me very sad but right when i read that 2 possibilities thing and i read there are no girls that like you.It made me feel REALLY PATHETIC because i know that is probaly the truth....Sorry but reading your post had made me feel about 70 percent worse then i feel right now...That made my stomach just sink and made me very very depressed....

[Shinobie]

Man i wish i just could stop caring i wish i can send my emotions for this subject all away but i cant........I watch movies such as i watched spider man for my first time and when i watch the love going between peter parker and m.j it makes me want it SO BAD....i mean im only 17 i dont get why i care so much.....i cant stop thinking about it and want somebody to be with although im still so young.....

[Outlaw2747]

If y'all remember that girlfriend I used to mention in my posts.....I don't have her anymore. She threw me in the trash as if I was expendible (and guys who are good or try hard really are not expendible). So the lonliness all of you guys are feeling....I am there with you. But I picked myself up and waiting for the next fish in the sea to come swimming by. I'm not looking for any girls.....too much stress. We guys just need to wait it out no matter how hard it gets. Girls always had and always will have the upper hand on us and we can't let them. Just wait it out is all I san say.....love is very overrated trust me.

[1Adam12]

Sorry to hear about your breakup Outlaw..

 

Yea I think your right girls are gonna always have that upperhand..

 

Phillip

[Outlaw2747]

It's true, they will. They not bound by the idea of having to always doing this and doing that. We are all action and they are either expected to thank us or reject us. What is with that? I believ in equality, or close to it. thereforeeee i know that the same love I give is the same I will get back. I'm not being selfish but I just want us both to be really good partners, no one should be more dominant than the other.

 

I love to have a girl but for now, girls are way out of my league based on past experiences and ones from my fellow soldiers. I know what I want but getting there is the problem. I might have to put girls way far back on the priority list. They won't ever be number one because a guy should never spend way too much time caring about females. And females should not spend most of thier life worrying about males. But my life is mostly one of solitude and that is what I must accept. Thank you for your support 1Adam12, but I will be fine I am over it, i just won't forget it. heck, if anything I should be used to it but sadly that is not the case....

[Double J]

don't sweat it Outlaw. You seem like a very cool and mature guy, so if that girl let you go, think of it as something good. She probably didn't deserve you man, and she'll probably regret it later on. Everything happens for a reason, and I'm sure you (and I) will get our chance with the right girl. Like you say, it's not worth pondering over too much, because there are so many other things to worry about in life.

[Outlaw2747]

I can be very goofy and silly at times but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, I can be very mature. Believe it or not, that is what scares alot of girls. It makes you seem stuck-up. But then again being very silly can make it look like you are immature. But that is okay because if someone don't like me for who I am then why sweat it? Now as for her not deserving me, I am not going to sound conceited or anything but I have no clue what the issue was, all I know that it is over and there are other fish in the sea. I have to learn not to let people get me down like that. No, I do not obsess about girls and think they are the most important things in the world but it still stinks when you do apply yourself to actually be with one and they constantly stab you in the back with a sword. It hurts man.....still somewhat licking my wounds. Maybe being lonely isn't so bad.....I done it for years at a time.

[Double J]

by the way outlaw, what's your AIM screen name?

[Outlaw2747]

If anyone wants to reach me and want to know more about my bad luck with females (basically info I haven't displayed here on this site) my AIM and Yahoo is outlaw2747 and my MSN is email removed. But I am more interested in hearing y'all views. And yes I am a lonely guy....lol!