Is there something wrong with me?

[sunflower_girl]

I’m starting to think that I’m incapable of having a mature, long-term relationship. The year is winding down and I’m just reflecting back on my 2008 love-life:

 

Things finally ended with the ex-boyfriend. (There was a lot of drama and hurt involved in the separation). I moved, immersed myself in a new culture and learned to let go of that failed relationship. I went on dates.

 

Guy 1 was a fellow university student. Very attractive but had personal problems he needed to deal with. We hung out several times, I liked him a lot at first but never really got close to him. Things died out.

 

Guy 2 was a cool guy. I liked him (at first) and am pretty sure he felt the same way. But then I had “the talk” and told him that I didn’t want to get serious—I’m still exploring the world and didn’t want to be tied down. He didn’t call as much after that; we stopped hanging out. We had sex--I didn’t feel any connection. Things fizzled out.

 

Guy 3 was a gorgeous Eastern European. We have similar backgrounds and our first “date” was amazing. But then…we continued hanging out as friends. Never even kissed even though I thought the chemistry was electrifying! (I told him that I was moving soon, HE decided he didn’t want to get serious). We had an argument and stopped talking. I never confirmed our plans to meet up—we never talked again.

 

Guy 4 was gorgeous AND charming. Most importantly, he also thought I was gorgeous and charming! We had so much fun laughing and talking to each other. We went on a couple of dates, the chemistry was incredible. I couldn’t keep my hands off him! But…then I moved accross the pond and we hardly talk now.

 

What is wrong with me??? Am I just a failure at the whole dating game? I mean, I’m a witty, intelligent, reasonably cute girl—why am I cynically single? Am I sending the wrong vibe out to men? I see other females in committed relationships and I don’t understand what they have that I don’t…?

[BrokenLisa]

Hey, it would seem that you are a victim of bad timing. You said it yourself: at one point you didn't want to settle down and then the timing was bad. You can't expect people to try to keep a relationship going accross the pond when you've just met. At least you have felt a connection with some of these men: it proves you *can* feel like that after your relationship. Think of your dating no w as 'experience' so you can be the best 'you' for the right person when you meet them.

[julioiglesia]

Hey Carrie from sex and the city. lol

you aren't a failure.

next time you fall for a guy think about it in investment.

when you find the person and i know you'll like him but have a good balance emotionally and analytically.

you need to be more analytical where you have to decide if this guy have some milage or not and communicate with him so you know he is in the same page as you are. and if all the bottons matches with yours then you can slowly pour your emotional side.

 

just have the right expectation level so you are aware of the situation even before it hits you so you can plan a escape route.

 

but you aint a failure, you met more people than i did so you win.

[Casey13]

In almost all instances you refer to the failure of your relationship as: "we just stopped talking." Is this because the guy stopped calling you while you made attempts to contact him? I could be totally wrong here but you may need to put in a little more effort to make things work. Just because a guy doesn't call you doesn't mean you can't call him a few times and initiate something especially if you are into him a lot. Sometimes a little extra push from your end goes a long way in the early stages of a relationship/dating. Also, make sure you know exactly what it is you want. It seems to me like you're not looking for anything serious at all but you want a boyfriend. Most people would be turned off by that.

[catfeeder]

Hah! You're not cynically single, you're newly single. All of this took place in one year. Why do you think there's so much talk of rebounding? It's not a made-up state, and it's not eternal.

 

Recovery time is the pits, but the only way 'around' it is through it. Meantime, please don't assign yourself with any permanent negative qualities. Everybody's magic wand gets broken for a while. It's humbling, but it prevents us from taking the good stuff for granted when it gets here.

 

In your corner.