I need help asap. It's making depress.

[david90]

I have a problem with expressing my personality outside of my house. I am a talkative,nice and understanding person who jokes around a lot but for the pass couple of years, I can't seem to do it outside of my house. I have a fear of being hated and judge.

 

Am 20 right now and pior to going to the 9th grade, i remembered myself as a confident, assertive and a happy person. Could having bad highschool friends be the cause? I hanged out with 5 guys and they all play sports and I didn't and they all knew each other very well while I just met them that year. Since they are long time friends, they usually picked on me and made fun of me. I made fun of the way I talk, dress, walk etc.. Anything u could think of. Now i'm 20 and is afriad of expressing myself. When I talk to people, they get bored because I guess I'm not expressing my true personality. I hold back words in mouth because am afriad of offending people.

 

What can I do? What is my plan of action?

[Balthamos]

I may not be the best person to advise you on this, since I'm pretty shy myself, but thanks to what I read on here, I'm improving. I think that to learn to be comfortable expressing your personality, you should gradually work into it. I'd suggest starting with a close, personal friend, one who is very supportive and will be brutally honest with you if you need it. You should tell them what you're working on, giving them specific examples of things you want to improve, and that way you have an objective third-party to help you measure your progress, and to give you pointers. If your attachment is actually linked to your house (as opposed to your family, etc.) then that would be a good place to start. Invite your firend over for dinner and explain what you want them to help you with. I'm sure they'd be supportive and glad to help you. As you get more confident, start by revealing a few select glimpses of your personality to more people your fairly comfortable with, and as you continue it will get easier and easier, but it will be a gradual process, so be sure and be paitent, and stick with it.

 

Best of Luck!

[anomaly]

I think you've decided for yourself that your friends are the root of this problem. I agree. Especially considering that they're athletic sports people and you're not. Generally there is a huge gap between athletes and intellects. Not that you're an intellect. I mean, you might be, but whatever type of person you are, it probably doesn't mix well with their personalities. Hang with musicians, they will help you express yourself, I can almost guarantee you that. Of course, there are some bad eggs in every subculture of this... shmorgesborgh most of us seem to think is a society. So, about expressing yourself, you have to examine why. You are most probably either shy or socially anxious (please, please note there is a gargantuous difference between the two). You might not be either one but in this post I'm assuming you're one or the other. If you're shy, sorry, this is figuratively ingrained in your personality (not exactly in your personality, proper, because the personality isn't exactly what most people tend to refer to it as). You can develop good habits of talking more, and more effectively, but shyness tends to lead to being a loner. Anxiety is far more temporary, but not always, luckily there are both practical and medical solutions (Assuming you haven't suddenly, in the course of 2 years developed Schizotypal Personality or anything like that). It might be SAD, but it might not be. Either way, the solution is the same (only, with SAD, you could probably get SSRIs to treat it -- Zoloft is good stuff), desensitization. Say things you would write in your journal, find a girl you like and say things that would make a sailor blush. Just open Pandora's Box, and hey, if they reject you for it, you'll probably hate me and never talk to anyone again... or you might be thankful that by showing your true personality you warded off people who would only conflict with and turn on you in the end... you would have the experience to boot. If it works out, problem solved, ze-o.

Now, how to best go about this...

- You will be most open and assertive in topics that you know a lot about and you're very capable in. You'll get respect for your knowledge and shall we say Godliness on such topics, this will make you feel good and it will reinforce your self-expression.

- Another thing you can do is distract yourself, so you don't think about interactions after they happen, and in turn you are less likely to fall into the "do they hate me now?" cycle. People only hate you when you're me, or Fred Durst, or Avmanwhodeletesallyourbestposts, or if you killed their pets and laughed in their face. Your friends probably don't hate you either, they're probably just jerks. Ways to distract yourself may include listening to annoying music (eiffel 65, there is nothing more annoying), exercising, watching Late Nite with Conan O'Brian, soaking your feet in ridiculously hot water, or playing StarCraft on a LAN with your younger sister (who is somehow completely untactful but beats you every time).

- You can cull (for serious deprivation of a better word) the anxiety by interacting with people outside of your family only when you're insanely tired (like I am now... see, it's working), or if you're drunk, high, or stoned, or any combination of those. I personally haven't found any of the other "suggested techniques" helpful or effective... but those work, I assure you.

 

...

 

I've lost my train of thought, so that's all I have to say for now. If I heist that train again, I shall let you know.