ericag Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 i got out of a relationship with a guy who physically and emotionally abused me about 5 months ago. i met a guy around the same time who has supported me and been there for me when i needed him the most. now after five months my current boyfriend is telling me he is sick of hearing about my ex and i need to stop talking about him. i dont talk about my ex in nice ways but sometimes i will say oh this bad thing happened or that. but only if its a situation where it comes up. i also got pregnant by my ex and had an abortion.i feel that my boyfriend gives me no support or understanding with what ive been through. yes its been five months but im still in the process of rebuilding my life. i feel that no one can completely understand what ive been through unless theyve lived it themselves. and for him to just push me into not speaking about him is difficult. talking about things makes me feel better about them and it just upsets me how my boyfriend doesnt seem to understand. just now he sent me a text message saying all the things ive ever brought up. pretty much he just snapped at me. idk what to do anymore.i hate holding things inside i need to talk or ill explode. and i feel as my partner he should be there to support me. i went to therapy from may-august and stopped bc i went away to school and because i felt i had a good support system from my boyfriend, but now idk what to do:sad: Link to comment
Sn0man Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Yes, your partner should be there to support you, but not with regards to your ex! You jumped into a new relationship too quickly, without giving yourself time to get over him. You can't burden your current boyfriend with the problems you experienced with your last one - it's just not fair for him to have to live your former relationship problems. If you need to talk to somebody, talk to your friends. That's what they're for Or vent here, that's what we're for Link to comment
ericag Posted December 25, 2008 Author Share Posted December 25, 2008 if my boyfriend brought up his ex and he had been in circumstances like mine id understand. ppl need to talk to get through things and if thats what helps him than so be it. and my bf knew what he was getting into when he was with me. Link to comment
Sn0man Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 if my boyfriend brought up his ex and he had been in circumstances like mine id understand. ppl need to talk to get through things and if thats what helps him than so be it. and my bf knew what he was getting into when he was with me. So does he talk about his ex with you all the time too then? Link to comment
ButterflyWrists Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 can i just point out redhearts that when you have been abused and a nice guy shows interest and is kind and loving, then your going to go for it, because you are scared they are the only person who will treat you right? ericag, I have been in abusive relationships before, and it is still taking me time to get over it, a boyfriend can only do so much, you need therapy, and you cannot rely on your boyfriend, he wont understand, and he needs support also. no one can take everything in, without needing help, which we abused people will not fully understand, because they are not experiencing it. get back into therapy, talk about your ex as little as possible, write a diary, talk to us on here, like me as i understand. *love and hugs* butterfly Link to comment
ericag Posted December 25, 2008 Author Share Posted December 25, 2008 can i just point out redhearts that when you have been abused and a nice guy shows interest and is kind and loving, then your going to go for it, because you are scared they are the only person who will treat you right? ericag, I have been in abusive relationships before, and it is still taking me time to get over it, a boyfriend can only do so much, you need therapy, and you cannot rely on your boyfriend, he wont understand, and he needs support also. no one can take everything in, without needing help, which we abused people will not fully understand, because they are not experiencing it. get back into therapy, talk about your ex as little as possible, write a diary, talk to us on here, like me as i understand. *love and hugs* butterfly thank u Link to comment
ericag Posted December 25, 2008 Author Share Posted December 25, 2008 So does he talk about his ex with you all the time too then? noo he was never in any serious relationships with girls untilme Link to comment
ButterflyWrists Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 thank u no need, its all true tho a rep point wouldnt go amis haha shhhh Link to comment
Sn0man Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 noo he was never in any serious relationships with girls untilme Then you're definitely putting a heavy burden on him when you talk about your ex. And he has a right to be frustrated with this. If you want to keep a healthy relationship with your current bf, you need to find some way to get over your last one without asking him to help you do it. Hope that helps! Merry Christmas! Link to comment
ButterflyWrists Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Then you're definitely putting a heavy burden on him when you talk about your ex. And he has a right to be frustrated with this. If you want to keep a healthy relationship with your current bf, you need to find some way to get over your last one without asking him to help you do it. Hope that helps! Merry Christmas! can i just point out, i am my boyfriends first girlfriend, and is WANTS me to talk about it with him, different people do different things, if ericag goes into therapy, he will be (likely) more willing to listen and try to understand, but having never been in that possision he doesn't know how to help and he needs help himself if he is to be help and support for his girlfriend Link to comment
redhearts Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Doesn't matter, abused, cheated, abortion, all of that, there is no need to damper a relationship with someone. It is like playing the victim card, going on AND ON AND ON about your past mishaps that you just want someone to feel sorry. Then continually feel sorry for you because you want someone to just be there and say oh poor you. That is something you talk through counseling or someone else. Right now she is just adding problems to the relationship, its not off on a good start, and really this guy is only going to turn into more of a friend. If your not over it, don't start a new relationship because then your just setting yourself up for one long emotional rollercoaster. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 can i just point out redhearts that when you have been abused and a nice guy shows interest and is kind and loving, then your going to go for it, because you are scared they are the only person who will treat you right? ericag, I have been in abusive relationships before, and it is still taking me time to get over it, a boyfriend can only do so much, you need therapy, and you cannot rely on your boyfriend, he wont understand, and he needs support also. no one can take everything in, without needing help, which we abused people will not fully understand, because they are not experiencing it. get back into therapy, talk about your ex as little as possible, write a diary, talk to us on here, like me as i understand. *love and hugs* butterfly That's the big problem...looking for a guy and just grabbing anyone. Self-esteem has to be built up SOLO with the help of therapy and reading and good friends. Not just latching on to another partner. This is what the OP did. She just ran from one relationship to another afraid to be alone. She did not take the time to heal and simply expects her latest boyfriend to cater to all of her emotional needs. Do you think it is pleasant for her new boyfriend to listen to constant talk about her ex? Yes, we should all understand people who have been in abusive relationships and understand where they are coming from...HOWEVER, they should also take the time to understand others. They have a duty to themselves to work on their issues but they also have a duty to their new partner not to keep talking about an ex. She is not healed and should not have glommed on to the next man who showed kindness. Lots of people can show kindness under these circumstances doesn't mean you have to date them and sleep with them. Victims of abuse need to learn how to self-heal and self-love and not run to a new partner to save them. They need to save themselves. Her current relationship is not a relationship of equal partners, it is a relationship of dependence on a saviour...and he is getting tired of being in the saviour role...he wants to be a proper boyfriend, not a saviour. Can't say that I blame him. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 can i just point out, i am my boyfriends first girlfriend, and is WANTS me to talk about it with him, different people do different things, if ericag goes into therapy, he will be (likely) more willing to listen and try to understand, but having never been in that possision he doesn't know how to help and he needs help himself if he is to be help and support for his girlfriend I don't see that the boyfriend needs to help himself at all...he never had a partner and thereforee has NO BAGGAGE. Why should he be stuck with someone else's baggage who can't fix themselves and needs to rely on another boyfriend to help her fix the baggage from her previous boyfriend. You don't do that to someone...you heal yourself first before going into a new relationship. Link to comment
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