Contract

[ljoy74]

Surely I cannot place all of my thoughts into a small text box on an Internet forum.

 

All of these thoughts are a compilation of years of figuring out what exactly it is I want and need out of a relationship (written from a marriage point of view) as well as what I want to give and have to offer.

 

So I'll start with the basics:

 

Let's avoid fighting. I hate it, no matter what the argument may be. We will know each other well enough to avoid arguing, so for the sake of each other, lets try. I will try my best to not badger you over small things. After all, living in confined spaces together can cause blood to boil and if our blood is boiling together, I want it to be under the sheets.

And that is a whole different issue. We need sex, you and I. We should be open-minded together and not be afraid to try new things together. Clearly we will have a passion when we're together, an unquenchable thirst we do not ever need to let die. I will try anything for you once and be honest with you about it after. I won't hide my body from you or keep sex from you as some sort of bargain method. I will love you and I will be yours. It may sound so old-fashioned for a woman to submit to her husband but to me, nothing could be sexier. And if you just have to have sex on the desk in your office, I'll be there. But I only ask that everyone in the board room doesn't find out.

We all know what sex can lead to. Children: Crumb-crunching, curtain climbers. We won't be married unless you want them because they absolutely must be a part of the future I will build with my husband. But I ask when I bare these children for you that you are there for me. I will try with all my might to not scream horrendous things at you in the delivery room (because I certainly wanted the sex and you and I created this baby together, you didn't "do" anything to me). I may ask for pickles in the middle of the night but remember that I am surrendering my body for a period of time so you can have sons and daughters. I'm giving up my figure and my breasts so we can create a life together and although I am doing it willingly please hold my hair when I am throwing up in the toilet and rub my belly at night when we lay in bed, and tell me just how beautiful you still think I am. And I will repay you, because we are in this life together, in all aspects.

Please invite your guy friends over to watch football (or whatever it is you must watch). I love to cater and plan and what not so it gives me a chance to get to break out my hostess skills and wow your boys. And once the food has been served I'll disappear doing my own thing because no one needs a nagging wife as background music to the Super Bowl. I don't mind cooking meals for you all the time. Just give me a chance to do plenty of baking because I enjoy it more. I'll cook and bake if you will reign the grill. All I ask for is the occasional steak or grilled chicken breast, and a little assistance with dishes. I'll load you unload or something. We'll work it out together.

I'll always let you drive. I won't argue because frankly I'd rather you drive. It's not my favorite past time and I will always trust you. You would not endanger me or our children so please, take the drivers seat.

Kiss me. Anywhere, any time, all the time. Kiss me when you're mad at me and kiss me before you leave. Kiss me on the forehead because you care about me. Kiss me on the cheek because you still think I'm cute. Kiss me passionately in bed when you want to start something, or kiss me passionately in the kitchen for no reason at all. Just always kiss me.

And above all, love me. I will always love you. I will always tell you, and surely you will have me in a state where I will always consciously know you love me because your words, actions, facial expressions scream it 24 hours a day. I will always think of you before myself. You will be consistently prevalent in my mind.

 

I will always be by your side, so please be by mine. I will never leave you or cheat on you. You will be the only one for me and I will be the only one for you. This concept of perfection may seem unachievable but we will set our own standards and reach them. This will be lifelong and worry free. It will be LOVE.

 

 

And now if I can just find the boy who reads this and thinks, "I want the same."

[ljoy74]

I'm in a shape of some sort. It's got lots of points, maybe 4, but its not a square. Because I am at the head and one out of the 4 points of the square is not at the head, they are all equal. But because this is my problem we are not all equal. And here it goes...

 

There is J, K, Z and me. How convenient.

 

So we'll start in that letter order because saying J, K, Z and me out loud sounds neat.

 

J- You've been a very wonderful guy friend of mine for more than half a decade now. We lost touch for a little while, when you went through your pot smoking jail phase but you're so far out of that phase now. You're absolutely wonderful. You made your feelings very clear to me. I only wish I could return them. You are a wonderful boyfriend, I have seen how you treat every girl you have ever cared for and in the past wished it had been me. But I cannot force myself to be attracted to you in that way. You are like my big brother and it is in that way only that I will ever love you. The Tiffany's necklace is sooo unnecessary, mostly because I feel that it is sort of a ploy to make me change the way I feel about you but I promise I would if I could. I would love to be your cared for, respected, highly loved and pampered perfect girlfriend, and even better your wife. But I can't. Wishing is all I can do because I simply am not attracted to you in a physical way. And if this ever was to change I am sure it would be to late for me to try to come and find you because I want you to be happy with someone SOON. I don't want you to wait. You don't deserve to wait. I should not feel guilty for not being attracted to you but I do. I suppose I feel responsible for that relationship piece of your happiness, like I sunk it in an ocean that you can't sail. But you'll get it back I pray. You will find love, even though you already have mine. You will always have me here as a friend but nothing more. I love you Brother.

 

K- Oh, K. What would I have done without you? For several months you rescued me from spending weekends alone. I did so much for you and you did things in return for me at first but then it became about you. You didn't thank me when I brought you lunch to work because you decided to pull a double and leave home without food. But whatever. I can't take back the breakfast I made you and toted with me to school. I can't take back the sex we had either but I suppose in some senses I wouldn't take that back. It was good while it lasted... But then you let me know "we weren't serious any ways." And next time, not with me of course, just don't play games with girls. You were a GREAT boyfriend the first few weeks but that facade quickly disappeared, didn't it? So in the end we are better off as friends. And as for the reason YOU have to text ME to talk to me is because I don't really care one way or another if you and I remain friends. Every guy always wants to "stay my friend" and I am so over giving them the gratification of having them think they did nothing wrong. Where is my gratification?! My problem is I'm not selfish enough, your problem was you were to selfish. BAH. Now I am ranting. So in the end, I will always be kind and compassionate to you because you like to talk to me. I won't put you down to anyone, atleast I will try not to. But I will not lie about why we broke up.

 

And Z... you will have to wait.

Something you never enjoyed, but I am forcing upon you.

[ljoy74]

You were right. My feelings have changed and now it is me wanting you. We spend so much time together these days, and for every moment we are not together we are talking. I do love you. I want to be with you. I care about you in every way possible.

 

I want to put aside everything physical and be with you. I want the time we spend together to not be like time spent between brothers and sisters or best friends. I want to be THAT girl for you. I want to be THE girl for you. I want to make you the happiest guy on the Earth because you are certainly making me the happiest girl. You make me laugh and smile so consistently, I want to do the same to you but in smiles that are eternal not momentary.

 

There are parts of us I don't see but I want to exist. I see nothing physical but I see passion for one another. Why would we be driving an hour to see each other, several times a week if we didn't want this? I want you as a friend and so much more.

 

This is getting so redundant. But I want you to know it all, a thousand times over. I hope someone makes me tell you. I hope someone ties me to a chair and threatens physical pain so I have to tell you. I want you to know so badly but I want you to know without having to speak it. Obviously you can pry just about anything out of me so if you asked me how I felt I could tell you. I want you to know! Please ask!

Please, I beg of you. I try so hard to not ask anything of you because you asked of me and I turned you down, but please ask me how I feel about you. I will be honest with you because I like you. I like you as more than my big brother, so please ask. ASK.