Onthoi Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Hello to whom ever this may interest. I'm an 18 year old boy and I just recently had a break up with my girlfriend (16) of 2 years. I was very much in love with this young woman and she meant the world to me. At the start of the relationship I wasn't so interested. I would make up excuses not to see her and I would go hang out with my friends. I upset her by doing this and I saw it but didn't care because of immaturity. As the months went by There were intervals where she would go drinking with her friends (mostly males) until one night she cheated on me with one of them. I found out and was devastated. (this is where my feelings began to change) I think I started to realize that I might lose her. I told her that night that she needs to pick me or the booze or else I'll leave her. (I'm not a drinker by the way) She picked me and a month or two went by and she cheated again with another guy while she was drunk. (double whammy) I should have broke up with her then but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was so blindly in love. It happened about 3 more times (don't bother telling me how stupid I am, I am very well aware at this point) and I still did not break up with her. This is about the year and a half mark. So finally we got everything under control for about 6 months and then she decides to break up with me. She said she doesn't deserve someone like me. She feels terrible for what she had done to me I'm quite sure. At first I rejected the breakup and persistently tried to get her to change her mind. The next day when we were to meet and exchange our belongings I had accepted it and thanked her for doing something I could not do. Here I am about 2-3 weeks from the breakup and I cannot stop thinking about her. We had so many good times that my mind cannot even begin to compare the pain she had caused. I miss her so much and I think I'm having trouble letting go and also having trouble accepting that she's gone. I replay scenarios in my head where she calls and apologizes for the breakup and asks me back out. I don't know if I believe this will happen so much that it's the only thing keeping me sane or what. I hope this mouthful is read by someone. For the record I was a bit of a control freak but I blame it on my not being able to trust her. I felt as though I would have to do a damned background check on her day with her friends before I could believe anything she said. I haven't seen her since the breakup which I'm doing on purpose and I think it might be helping a bit. I put on a smile when I'm with my friends and I forget about her quite quickly actually but as soon as I'm home for the night I find myself sitting alone in my room crying listening to Blutengel. I need whatever possible help can be offered. I don't plan on extreme measures (cutting/suicide) that's not my bag and never will be. I just need some extra comfort while this wound heals. Thanks a bunch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake. Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Damn man, I read nothing good about this girl in your post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onthoi Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 Yea I suppose that was all one sided. Well things good about her. Just what a lot of people see in a loved one. She does things out of her way just for me. She cared about me (I thought) She would always want to spend time with me and I was to stupid to take the opportunity. I would stay at her house for weekends and she would always be up before me to make my breakfast and a cup of coffee. She was so great save the cheating and back stabbing. I just cannot help myself to see the good things and ignore the bad things and truth be told it's hurting me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake. Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 I don't know if I would be able to forgive cheating one time let alone, what did you say, 3 times? You don't deserve that man. Her loss. Can't beat yourself up because of things you did or didn't do, it's in the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangletsbang Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Cheating is no good, you deserve someone who is faithful to you. You seem like a good guy, you should want someone who wants you and only you. Cheating is disrespectful and it isn't done by someone who honestly cares about you. Believe me, I made the mistake the first month me and my current boyfriend were together...it is the only thing in my life I regret. It's definitely behind us now, but that is not a healthy relationship. It's destined to fail. Might as well get over it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onthoi Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 It feels better to hear people saying what you are saying. I'm glad I found this site. This post is still open if anyone has anything to say. Thanks to all who help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashsun87 Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Onthoi, My man, you are not stupid. You were/are in love. We do the craziest things when in love. The good news is that you're here, and you can start healing now. She cheated on you 5 times, did I count that right? I was with a girl who cheated on me too, so I know the feeling. I went back with her, 3 times. She cheated 3 times and I went back to her. It's love man, and we can't think rationally when in love. So take a step back. It's been a few weeks, can you see the negative aspects of the relationship? Maybe there was a reason for not trusting her. I often think that I am controlling and jealous, but the reality is that I often go for girls who starve for attention, love attention from guys, ect. You are going to find a girl 10x better than this one dude. Trust me. This relationship was not healthy what-so-ever. Not even a little bit. And THATS OKAY. My last relationship was just as bad if not worse than this one that you were just in. We learn from our mistakes, we grow as people, and we're better for it. I'd suggest getting some self help books on relationships, start exercising, working out, improve your life. I've found guitar insanely relaxing as well as healing, in a weird sort of way. Whatever you do, stay NC and do not go back to this girl. It's not easy I know but you deserve to be treated with respect. You do not deserve to be cheated on. No one in this world does. Goodluck man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ideal Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Awww, you sound like such a sweet guy...you really deserve better than your ex, and I think once you realize that it will be slightly better. I understand that you miss her, I'm going through a breakup too right now and I miss my ex too. However, my ex didn't cheat on me, and i really have no idea how that feels, but I can say that you two weren't meant for each other since she didn't respect you enough to stay faithful. You deserve wayyyyyyy better and you will find that kind of better one day, you will get through this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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