Is my GF too controlling and jealous or am I really a bad BF?

[ironfreak247]

Hey everyone. New poster here. Just wanted to vent a little and get some advice. I'm sure my friends and relatives are tired of hearing bout my relationship issues.

 

A description of my situation (might be a little long...)

 

I'm separated from my wife of 11 years. We have two children together and after a somewhat rough split, we are now pretty friendly with each other (she even calls to vent to me about guy problems). I plan on filing divorce soon. The hardest thing for me is I'm so far away from my kids; I'm in West TX and they're in AR.

 

A few months after the separation I began dating around a little again. I met a girl (we'll call her Brandy) and it was more than a one night stand; we had a connection. She lives in AZ so that was a problem, plus the fact that she still had a BF. So I didn't let myself get too attached to her. While seeing her, I met my current girlfriend (we'll call her Janet) at the gym. We began seeing each other but it was understood that we weren't exclusive. I would still see the girl from AZ when she would come into town. I was sure Janet was seeing other guys too (saw a few text msgs from another guy calling her "baby") so I never mentioned Brandy. Eventually both girls found out about each other. Brandy left her BF and still wanted to see me. I found out that Janet had cut off all contact with that other guy a couple weeks after seeing me and wanted something exclusive. I wanted to let both girls go because I knew it wasn't fair to them. I tried but after only a week I really missed Janet more. So I went with her and told Brandy. She was upset but we both wanted to remain friends.

 

Here's where the problem starts. Janet claimed to be ok with it. As time went on, we fought more and more about it and even broke up over it once. I was miserable without her and realized I loved her. I told her, and we got back together. One of the conditions was that I tell Brandy I was in love with Janet and limit contact with her. I did, and now we don't even talk or text anymore. She's completely out of my life now. I thought that would make Janet happy. Now she accuses me of checking out her friends or other women. She says I'm never happy with what I got and that she thinks I'm a pervert/sex addict. I began questioning if it was true and starting making a conscious effort to look away from any nearby females. I still get accused of it. I don't even feel comfortable with her in public and especially around her friends. Now she thinks I look at porn or that I'm looking at my phone too much. I even show her nearly all my text msgs just to prove that I'm doing nothing wrong. No females text me at all. I have looked at porn in the past, but since she expressed that it upsets her I have not looked at anything like that since. She has told me that she thinks I'm a sex maniac and a porn addict and a pervert. I'm tired of being accused of being something I'm not. I feel like she wants to keep tabs on everything I do and she gets upset if I don't call her every other hour when she's at work. Honestly, I just like a little space now and then.

 

All of my friends can't believe she's like that. She's VERY beautiful, and gets lots of attention wherever she goes. She gives you the impression that she's very self confident and secure with herself. She still talks to all her guy friends and I don't complain. She has pictures pinned up in her closet of a half naked David Beckham, which doesn't bother me but I know I'd never be able to get away with something like that.

 

Our last fight involved her snooping through my computer and accusing me of visiting porn sites that didn't even exist. It was the final straw for me and I ended it. I miss her so much and she tells me I'm not giving her enough time to change. But all of our fights over the last 4 months have come down to her accusing me of something, me defending myself, and her not believing me. I told her I didn't believe she could change anymore.

 

Did I do the right thing or am I overreacting?

[Sn0man]

You're not overreacting. She is.

 

But to be honest, you have to expect at least some suspicion on her part due to how things were when you first got together (seeing 2 people). On the other hand, she seems to have been a little over-the-top with making you cut off contact with 'Brandy' alltogether even though you were just friends.

 

She sounds like a big time overreactor. That's something that she's going to have to change if you ever get back together with her and you need to let her know that.

 

I think you made the right decision.

[Shyguy24]

My ex gf was like this. I had to break it off as she was driving me insane .

 

People like this have serious issues, its very rare that they are going to change. Also my ex was good looking and also got a lot of attention.

 

Another thing she may be cheating on you just a thought, her guilty conscious may be leading her to be suspicious of you.

[Smoothie58]

Girls are naturally jealous. Not all of them, but many of them are and their insecurities drive them to act crazy. I don't think how she acted is ok though - I'm just stating the facts. If a girl is this jealous though, its probably best you stay away from her unless she can really prove she changed.

[PlumGT]

I think you did the right thing. You did your best to address her concerns and improve yourself for her. But it got to the point that she wasn't happy with anything you did anymore....when the other person stops believing/trusting in you, you don't have a relationship anymore.

[x_perfect_stranger_x]

Girls are naturally jealous. Not all of them, but many of them are and their insecurities drive them to act crazy. I don't think how she acted is ok though - I'm just stating the facts. If a girl is this jealous though, its probably best you stay away from her unless she can really prove she changed.

 

um no, sorry but this is not a fact, if it is where is your source? Not all girls are jealous... its a human behaviour, not just a female one. Jealousy typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival (yes I got that from Wikipedia)

[Smoothie58]

um no, sorry but this is not a fact, if it is where is your source? Not all girls are jealous... its a human behaviour, not just a female one. Jealousy typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival (yes I got that from Wikipedia)

I know, I said specifically that NOT all girls are, but MANY. And I didn't say men aren't. Both men and women are easily jealous especially when it comes to relationships. I know not all people are always crazy jealous, but most people get jealous in a relationship from time to time, its natural.

[ironfreak247]

I appreciate your advice guys. There were so many things she got upset with me about that were weird to me. We used to have Myspace accounts and I wrote crazy blogs. Her friends would sometimes comment on them and I'd reply back; nothing flirty or inappropriate from either side and she was able to see everything we'd wrote to each other. She accused me of having a thing for her friends and went so far as to tell her friends not to send any more comments to me; it made her feel "uncomfortable". Pretty soon whenever we were around her friends I would just distance myself from all conversations and sit looking in another direction just to keep from getting in trouble, which rarely worked anyway. She would get mad if I wasn't at her house within 15 minutes after she got home from work, saying "what were you doing at home that made you where you didn't wanna come see me?" We fought a lot more than I think a new couple in love should. But the good times we had together were so great it felt like it made up for all the squabbles and arguments. That's why it's so hard to leave her.

 

Our last fight ended with her telling me she was gonna come to my house and if I truly felt she couldn't change I wouldn't answer my door. I went to bed so I wouldn't be tempted to answer it and fell asleep. I don't know when she came by and never heard her knock. I haven't spoken to her since.