username22 Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 basically ive had a * * * * ty marraige. she cheated, and i thought i had forgiven her but i cant stop thinkin bout the guy she cheated on me with. i want to fight him honestly. hes always thought that me and her shouldnt be together and hes been jealous for the past two years, and i guess he still got what he wanted out of her. whats ironic is he cheated on his girlfriend to screw my wife that cheated on me. how do i get over the way he pops in my head and i get angry and depressed all the time. my wife says shes sick of me bringing it up cuz it makes her feel bad. should i just leave? or how do i work it out with her, things have been great for the past couple weeks but i cant even go to sleep at night i want to walk out the door and never see her again, but in the morning im in love. i dont understand it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betrayed... Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Its the old annoying saying, but these things take time. Your wife shouldn't be getting upset at you. So what if it makes her feel bad - she should feel bad. She should be saying "What can I do to make you feel better?" instead of basically saying - "Get over it cause you are making me feel bad." She is being selfish. There is nothing wrong with being angry at the other guy for his part in what happened - but what it boils down to is the fact that he doesn't give a crap about you or how you feel - so why waste your energy on him. Be angry at your wife - she chose to do this to you - she is the one who needs to fix it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abouttime Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Man I'm sorry to here that. You answered your own question. Leave. She is sick of you bringing up the fact that she let another guy's d*%k inside her? She should be following you around on her bloody knees begging you to forgive her. Are there any kids? If there are/is it might take another 5 minutes to pack their bags. I would be waiting out front of the Lawyers office when it opened in the morning. You said it was a S*#$^y marriage. Learn from it so you can make the next relationship better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 When did the cheating happen? Have you two gone to counselling? What is she doing to make amends and make you feel more comfortable? Telling you to stop bringing it up because it makes HER feel bad is a very selfish thing to say and it shows clear lack of consideration for your feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
username22 Posted December 14, 2008 Author Share Posted December 14, 2008 its been about 4 months. we have tried counseling, i asked to go again and she said that the problem is me not us. that its all in my head and i need to let it go and just be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abouttime Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 She is selfish and you would be well rid of her. The other guy cheated on his girlfriend he will cheat on her if they ever got together. I am afraid because you have basically showed her that there are no consequences (at least to her) for her adulteress whoring (was that a little harsh?). She now looks at you as week. And trust me in this, she loves you less now then before. If she acts like this now. It is only a matter of time before she cheats with someone else. If you did have any thought of R with her you need to show her that there is a cost. At least you find out if she loves you at all. If she doesn't. You will be free to find and invest your life with someone who loves as deeply as you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Well if this happened 4 months ago then it's still fresh and she should be willing to help you rebuilt the relationship and trust instead of getting upset with you for bringing it up. Since it's clearly she isn't putting an effort into the marriage then you have the option to leave and file for divorce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 The same selfishness that led her to cheat is the same selfishness that is being exhibited now. It seems clear that she doesn't really feel like she has done anything wrong. I would say that it is time to kick her to the curb..and when you do so, tell her that her attitude is appalling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmaximum Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Sounds familiar. At night you're thinking about what's wrong and how you feel about the sitch, and then in the morning you reflect on the fact that it's a new day, new opportunities and new chances for forgiveness. This however will also grow old real fast and ultimately drain you. I have to agree with the other posters, in the cases of infidlelity which does lead to successful reconcilliation, the WS essentially does whatever the BS needs them to do in order to restore the trust that has been lost. It is looked at as an investment that must be taken for a payoff that they both are after. For your wife to be saying this AT ALL is a bad sign, but to be saying this so soon after the initial offence? Very sad. This woman needs to go, she's only uspet that she got caught and cares little about what this means to you. Furthermore, she has taken no responsibility in these events that she has brought about. You may want to reconsider reconcilliation with her as she doesn't seem willing to meet you halfway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkaygirll Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Been there, done that! And it really IS draining when it keeps coming back to haunt you, yet you can't seem to stop it. Ya, I know, I'm there man!! My husband says, "I thought we were past that." He doesn't seem to realize that I may never be past it. One thing I do know, I really hate the person that this has made me into. You feel like you always have to watch for the next time you'll be blindsided. I DO think the other posters are right in that it does take time though. This may or may not help, but someone once told me that at some point (didn't say when I'll just know in my heart whether to stay or leave. So far, still here, sometimes happily, sometimes not. One day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Botched Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Sorry to hear it. In my case, my wife is doing everything imaginable and would do anything I ask of her to comfort me, and this is still ver difficult. My wife and I have had an excellent relationship and still do. Her cheating was much less involved, meaning it was a drunken-party type situation, not a relationship and not thought out. She told me right away. It is still hard. We have had issues, but we both want to be here...still hard. I can't imagine doing this recovery deal without her sincere support and regret. I advise not to engage the guy at all. Should you land a blow that damages him beyond your intent you would be at a much greater loss. Avoid him. So, good luck. I hope this means something to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
36
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.