thinkstoohard Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I had lunch today with my ex's aunt. We always got along so great. It was so nice to see her! Long story short she mentioned that the ex seems very unhappy with life. She even went as far to ask if I thought the ex had a drinking problem. It was a tough question to answer but she does so I sucked it up and gave the honest truth. Apparently the entire family is worried about her. The most interesting part is that I found out today that my ex got a DWI before we met and I never knew. Three years together, two living together, and she never mentioned it? WTH! Those that have followed my story for the past 16 months know that I have always thought she had a drinking problem but convinced myself I was being foolish by having such thoughts. Looks like I might have been right. This is a very hard pill to swallow. I love this girl so much and care for her deeply and it hurts me to know that she has such an addiction and is so unhappy with life. I know I can't fix it and I know we have no chance to be together again but it I wish there was something I could do to help her. I also can't help but wonder if it wasn't for her drinking would we have had a chance at making it work... Not sure what I am looking for in responses but felt the need to post. Feeling a bit down right now. Thanks for listening! Link to comment
thinkstoohard Posted December 5, 2008 Author Share Posted December 5, 2008 Weird..... Not really. We were very close and she is a discount insurance broker. Being that I just got laid off and need insurance I called her to pick her brain. She is the one that offered to get together... Think she wanted to talk about the issue at hand - my ex. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I am sorry to hear this. However you can't do anything for your ex. Your number 1 priority is YOU right now. You need to focus on getting a job..your ex will make the decision to get her act together only when she wants to (if she ever wants to). You can't help people like that. You also can't sit there wondering "what if she didn't have a drinking problem, would be still be together" "what ifs" don't matter...the "what is" is the only thing that matters. Link to comment
Grace Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I guess i don't agree with the precept "you can't help people like that." Obviously no one can save anyone else, but a little bit of support can go a long way sometimes, often its the people you least expect who help you the most. If she ever reached out, perhaps just be supportive, the role of ex bf obviously does not carry much obligation, but a little encouragement can go a long way. If she doesn't reach out then she's on her own path and there's nothing you can do but wish her well and focus on your own life. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I guess i don't agree with the precept "you can't help people like that." Obviously no one can save anyone else, but a little bit of support can go a long way sometimes, often its the people you least expect who help you the most. If she ever reached out, perhaps just be supportive, the role of ex bf obviously does not carry much obligation, but a little encouragement can go a long way. If she doesn't reach out then she's on her own path and there's nothing you can do but wish her well and focus on your own life. You can't help alcholics...many partners have spent years trying to be as supportive as possible, to no avail. Link to comment
Grace Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Well, thats the thing, he certainly can't cure her, and he's not her partner, he's got no obligation to suffer through it with her, but a minimal level of support as long its not extremely detrimental to his own life, can be helpful. Who knows on what scale, there are too many variables, but I guess I would hope someone would be there for me in that situation. Link to comment
julioiglesia Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 I can feel sympathetic to your cause because I've had a gf that broke my heart who had a heavy drinking problem where she got alcohol poisoning ending up in a hospital (i was by her side), she got into a lifethreatening car accident (she had a very high blood alcohol level) it was a miracle she didn't have a brain damage. she got 14 stiches. (i flew over her town as soon as i heard it). She would turn into her alter ego and curse and do nasty things. You already did everything you could have done by telling her aunt that she did have an alcohol problem. You told the truth and it will be relayed into therapy. The caring feeling you have now is a sign that you are an extremely special person that under any circumstances you are the type who will stand by her side. You are in the right track by not putting insult into injury and revealing all the other bad thigns about her in front of her aunt. If you want to talk PM me. i want to make some friends in ENA. Link to comment
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