Difficulty Taking it to the Next Level

[Down-In-A-Hole]

Hello All,

 

I've been dating a great girl for just over a month now (I'm 27 and she's 31, both very single, never married, and without children). I've dated quite a bit and I have been in a few serious long-term relationships, yet I'm quite confused with this particular relationship. The slow pace at which it is moving (read: snail's pace) is catching me by surprise.

 

I have to admit that I'm very much enjoying it, actually, and I'm becoming quite fond of getting to know this girl without the heavy stuff, but the speed at which we're moving sometimes makes me wonder how interested she is in me. I'm accustomed (wrong or right) to things moving a bit faster on the intimate level.

 

For instance, for just over two weeks now, we've been having long, sexy kisses with each other. The problem is is that these only occur at the end of a date when we're saying goodbye. There's been plenty of opportunity for us to do it during a date, but it never happens. It always fails because I try and she clearly doesn't want to or because the external circumstances don't create the right mood (i.e. roommate walking around in the house).

 

When a girl rejects my "kissing pass" I usually get the hint. So each time this has happened (it's been twice) I told myself that she's just not romantically interested in me. Fine. But it never fails that when I'm leaving for the night, she presses her body up to mine in a tight embrace and kisses me passionately and with conviction (this lasts for half a minute to a minute, usually). So I leave extremely confused (and turned-on).

 

Do you think this girl is taking her old-fashioned time? Is she playing games? Can anyone shed some light on her behavior? It's only been a month, so I don't want to ask her about it yet. But she's mentioned (indirectly) that she's not seeing other people.

 

Thanks!

[jennamajig]

Hi. Speaking from an old fashioned gal POV, she could be just that. And when you say the next level, do you mean sex? Or just starting with longer make-out session?

 

It takes me time to get comfortable enough with someone to open up intimately. And yes, for me, that even means making out because I know where it can lead. Do you know what her views are on sex, etc?

 

I don't know if you could view it as her not being interested, she could also just be old-fashioned and shy. There are a few of us gals left .

[hk87]

I agree with Jenna.

I've been with my bf for 2 months and all we've done is kiss.

However, since its a LDR its slightly different. We have now talked about sex and all that sort of stuff, so we are more comfortable with each other.

I'm quite looking forward to seeing him again...

Ask her, communicate. I can't say how important that is.

 

hk87

[Aviatormy]

Hello All,

 

I've been dating a great girl for just over a month now (I'm 27 and she's 31, both very single, never married, and without children).

 

Congrats! That is very hard to find now-a-days. (A 31 year old woman that has never been married and has no children)

 

I've dated quite a bit and I have been in a few serious long-term relationships, yet I'm quite confused with this particular relationship. The slow pace at which it is moving (read: snail's pace) is catching me by surprise.

 

I have dated women of all ages and I have found that more often than not, older women will not jump into the sheets with a man as quickly as her 21 year old counter part This is normal IMO

 

I have to admit that I'm very much enjoying it, actually, and I'm becoming quite fond of getting to know this girl without the heavy stuff, but the speed at which we're moving sometimes makes me wonder how interested she is in me. I'm accustomed (wrong or right) to things moving a bit faster on the intimate level.

 

I think that this is a great thing. Far too many people (myself included) jump right into intimacy with someone and then there is really nothing else to look forward to. I have found that if I wait a couple months before having sex with a new woman, I connect a lot more and the relationship tends to last much longer.

 

For instance, for just over two weeks now, we've been having long, sexy kisses with each other. The problem is is that these only occur at the end of a date when we're saying goodbye. There's been plenty of opportunity for us to do it during a date, but it never happens. It always fails because I try and she clearly doesn't want to or because the external circumstances don't create the right mood (i.e. roommate walking around in the house).

 

Well like you said, you are only 2 weeks into it. I think that she really does like you otherwise she would not be kissing you at the end of each date like that. I think that it would be a good idea to just continue on with what you are doing with this girl for another few weeks and then try to get yourself in to a more managable situation where you will not be interuppted by a roommate. Tell your roommate that you will pay for him/her to stay at a hotel because you want a night alone with the girl at your house. Then plan a romantic night with this new girl and let her know that your rommmate will be out of town for that weekend so you want to make her dinner. See what happens when she knows that the two of you will not be interrupted

 

When a girl rejects my "kissing pass" I usually get the hint. So each time this has happened (it's been twice) I told myself that she's just not romantically interested in me. Fine. But it never fails that when I'm leaving for the night, she presses her body up to mine in a tight embrace and kisses me passionately and with conviction (this lasts for half a minute to a minute, usually). So I leave extremely confused (and turned-on).

 

So if she is doing this then you should not be telling yourself that she is not romantically interested in you. Only feel this way if she says "Well I had a great time with you tonight buddy... HIGH FIVE!" lol.

 

Do you think this girl is taking her old-fashioned time?

 

Possibly and I would definitely respect that. I have not found a woman in YEARS that is willing to wait longer than a couple weeks to have sex with me. Take advantage of the fact that you found a girl that respects herself and YOU

 

Is she playing games?

 

definitely not

 

Can anyone shed some light on her behavior? It's only been a month, so I don't want to ask her about it yet. But she's mentioned (indirectly) that she's not seeing other people.

 

Well there you go! Trust her!

 

Thanks!

 

Anytime

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think if you've been dating a month it is probably time to talk about sexual expectations, as in when does she think you will start having it. She could say she likes to take it slow, but does slow mean 2 months, 6 months, not until married?

 

At your ages, it is perfectly reasonable to have that discussion with her to make sure you both have similar expectations. She could be taking it slow to try to build a solid relationship before having sex, or taking it slow because she's not that sexual a person, or wants to stay a virgin til married. The reason for it is what you need to find out, and decide whether that works for you or not.

 

I'm not a fan of wanting to jump into bed with someone you don't know, but i am also a bit suspicious if the person is older and wants to avoid sex for a long time. One person i dated who i thought was being respectful turned out to be someone with a lot of sexual problems, who i think was really gay and not wanting to acknowledge it to himself. So it was really a red flag that he wasn't that interested in sex, that i saw in retrospect.

 

But you won't really know til you have that conversation with her, and eventually have sex with her and see whether you are compatible or not.

[Yates33]

How many "dates" have you been on with her? How often do you see her? This is all important information. It sounds like she is taking it slow, but wants you to know she's interested. After all, she is accepting your date offers (right?) and IS kissing you on her own. At 31 though, I disasgree...I believe women would be more confident in what they want and wouldnt hold back as much and play around as much.

 

I would continue dating her and next time I make a move and she resists, ASK HER...you are past the initial courting stage....so ask her. I would also watch for more signs of disinterest and game playing.

[Down-In-A-Hole]

Thanks for all of the great responses.

 

We have been dating a month and have been seeing each other 2-3 times a week (pretty standard as far as I am concerned). It's just that we haven't escalated the physical intimacy at all since we started kissing during the 2nd week into it. We are growing more emotionally connected, though, and that's a great thing.

 

I suppose I'll bring the subject up with her if I try and fail again. It is important to find out if we're physically compatible before I get too emotionally connected, after all!

[Yates33]

Thanks for all of the great responses.

 

We have been dating a month and have been seeing each other 2-3 times a week (pretty standard as far as I am concerned). It's just that we haven't escalated the physical intimacy at all since we started kissing during the 2nd week into it. We are growing more emotionally connected, though, and that's a great thing.

 

I suppose I'll bring the subject up with her if I try and fail again. It is important to find out if we're physically compatible before I get too emotionally connected, after all!

 

Personally, I think 3x a week in the beginning is a bit excessive and waiting to kiss until the second week is too slow. This coupled with the fact that you say you are getting closer emotionally makes me think her emotions are gearing this relationship towards a friendship level. In the beginning you should have space, anticipation, butterflies and physical intimacy (not necessarily full scale sex) should be going up, not NOT progressing.