WHAT DO I DO IN ORDER TO GET MY EX-GIRLFRIEND BACK!!

[DJHIPHOP]

Well, here's is another situation!! well, my girlfriend broke up with me like a couple of weeks ago!! she automatically hooked up with this other guy, out of the blue!! she tells me that she's feeling happy with him!! but what she doesn't know is that this guy is playa!! meaning i see him flirt with other girls and im emailing him as a female, meaning that i created an account where im a hot girl and i started to write to him and i talk sexy to him and he talks more sexier than me, talking about me going to a party with him and him freaking me!! hello, is this guy stupid or what? my girl is 21 and he's 19!! does that mean anything or what? well, i was wondering should i leave this alone, because honestly i dont want her to get all messed up over this, when she doesnt know that he's playing her in a way!! any suggestions, please, tell me

[neallo82288]

Man, I am sorry that you feel that you have to spy on your ex's new fling like that, but you do know that you ae looking for trouble. Nothing but trouble can come from this sort of spying. I recommend that you stop it and now.

 

There is no way for you to get your girl back. There is only things that you can do to make yourself look more attractive in her eyes. The no contact rule will work wonders for you and your self esteem. Leave her alone and move on with your life. Life is too short to be pinning for the same girl that dumped you, so move on and get over her. The sooner that you mave on and get over her the better you will look to her in the future. The no contact rule is very valuable tool to help you heal from all the pain that a break up brings to a person. Now, remember that it is not just the time but what you do with your new free time. Make yourself stronger mentally and physically. Get reading some books and working out. As for the pain, I went to a comedy club with some friends and we had a great time and it showed me that life is just as good without her and maybe a little better.

 

No contact means just that no contact what so ever. If she calls you then by all means answer, but keep all contact that she initiates short and sweet. You need to understand that there can be contact, but she must be the one to initiate it and you must know that she will call.

 

Hope this helped,

Neallo

[DJHIPHOP]

Well, Neallo, i mean i dont want my girl to get messed up if this guy is playing her nasty, u know what i mean!! in a way i understand the no contact rule but at the same time i dont want to see this guy play her because she's a good girl, and i just want to do everything in my power to not see her hurt even though im hurting still, u know

[avman]

Oh, you definitely should leave this one alone. If you try to convince her that he is a player you'll just come off as the jealous ex boyfriend who will do anything to break them up. She'll likely fall HARDER for him just to prove you wrong.

 

On the other hand, players eventually mess up. When she figures that out, you're going to look pretty good to her. Of course, by then you might already be with someone new. And in that case, too bad for her. She had her chance.

 

Move on my friend. I know you don't want her to get hurt because you still care about her. But you can't help her in this case. This is something that she will have to figure out on her own. I'm sorry this hurts you, you seem like a good guy. But focus on your own healing now.

 

avman

[The Morrigan]

I agree - you're in the world's WORST position to bring anything to her attention, and even if you try to go a roundabout way by having a friend do it or something (I know, I can hear the wheels turning!) when it comes out as it eventually will you were involved, she's going to be pissed and hurt. I know you're not SUPPOSED to shoot the messenger, but even if she takes it at face value, you trying to protect her - in this case she has to get hurt FIRST to be protected. You do NOT want to be the bearer of bad news. Best case - she takes it that you care, but you're associated with the hurt feelings she's gonna go through - and she doesn't want to see you as a reminder. Worst case - she thinks you're just being jealous, or out for revenge, and actively starts despising the air you breathe. Either way, not a pretty picture.

 

If he's that free with his flirting and sex talk - he's gonna screw up. Plain and simple - either he's gonna screw up or he's going to move on to a new interest, players don't stay put for long. Bide your time, and if you haven't gotten a new interest of your own by the time he goes up in a cloud of smoke, you'll be in a position of strength,

[DJHIPHOP]

well, i understand!! its like i said i dont want to see my girl get hurt by this guy since what i described he's a player! what i want to know is for anybody out there with experience about this subject, are guys who are players the type to stay in a long term relationship, what exactly r they longing for? i hope to hear from someone!! oh yeah by the way i should leave this alone then or what!! because isnt it better for her to know now then later when she gets messed up big time!!

[The Morrigan]

If he's really a player, and it sounds like he is, he'll have no intention of committing any longer than til he gets bored or finds someone else he's more interested in chasing.

 

It's one thing, and even not easy THEN, if one of her girlfriends had to tell her this guy is playing with her. I know it's not easy to watch - but this is part of how she has to learn how to watch for the signs of a guy out to use her - it's one of those things you only learn from experience. You can't protect her from learning about how to protect herself forever, and since she'd likely make excuses and defend this guy anyway, your efforts would be in vain. Give her some credit for being able to handle it herself, and to learn from it.

 

She's not going to know now if she doesn't want to, period. It's a funny thing, but when someone, even a friend, let alone an ex, comes up with something against someone you're with - your instinct is to defend them. Let her live and learn, ok? If she feels she has to defend this guy she'll stay with him LONGER just to prove everyone else wrong about him - and get even MORE messed up. She's got sense, she'll see through him in good time if he continues, because players have a HUGE flaw - arrogance they can talk their way out of anything if they get caught, and it only works for so long.

[DJHIPHOP]

Well, you're telling me to basically back off, right!! i have to let her suffer, is that right!! i mean what is a player? i really dont understand that!! does he use girls or what? explain please

[The Morrigan]

A player is basically someone who's out for entertainment and a good time with whoever they feel attracted to from moment to moment, no real intention of committing or staying committed, great for a flirtation, bad news for a relationship. Into one girl one day, and moving onto the next one who catches his eye with no transition, no problem, just "hey it was fun, cya."

 

He's not going to be careful enough to keep his inclinations hidden long. Either 1) he'll get caught by her or one of her girlfriends, or 2) he'll see someone else he wants to pursue more than her, and leave her by the wayside.

 

And yeah, the ONLY thing you can do at all is if she or one of her friends comes to you FIRST, you can verify to them that he doesn't seem to be committed to her and from what you've seen, isn't trustworthy.

 

Apart from that, you don't have much choice about backing off, if she flies to his defense it'll take her LONGER to realize he's not a good guy for her, not less time. You're going to have to trust me here - if you decide to tell her, and then have to explain HOW you know, she's going to go straight to him and confront him. He, as someone experienced with this more than likely, is going to say EXACTLY what she wants to hear, which will be something like "Sweetheart, he posed as a hot girl in emails coming on to ME, I never looked for anyone else, he just wants to come between us, I swear!!!" And you will look like mud. And be the one who hurt her. Even if she finds out later you were telling the truth, since it'll mean she has to eat crow, you'd be the LAST one she'd turn to for support at that point.

 

I'm not saying this because I want her to get hurt, I'm saying it because if he's a player, she's GOING to get hurt, no matter what. Your only real choice is if it's cleaner and involves only him, or involves MORE complications and pain than necessary - and you trying to convince her will just make it worse.

 

I wish I could tell you otherwise - but from experience, I can't. Between his more than likely smooth talk, and her automatic defenses for someone she's with (which in many girls, can rival a tiger defending her cubs), your best bet is to plan on being there when he's history, however it comes about. Concentrate on staying on good terms so at least she'll have you to turn to in the aftermath.

[DJHIPHOP]

well, i was wondering, u dont think that my girl is building feelings for this guy, when he's a player and she doesnt know it!! i mean i dont want her to fall for this guy u know because i want to be with her again!! ill do anything and i dont want to see her get messed up on the long run when he gets caught!! im no expert, but i really miss her, and i love her so much, i would give up my life for her, u know!! but this guy is in a fraternity which means alot of girls at parties, drinking, and i dont want my girl to be doing that stuff!! well, i was wondering im like the sweetest, caring, romantic, type of guy and my girl knows this because that's what she loves about me!! but what i didnt do for her was the little things like for example, i would always buy her food, instead of making her food, like a sandwhich or whatever!! take pictures together, etc.!! it makes me seem like i did something wrong, because there is no such thing as a perfect guy but i come close to it!! it seems like its my fault!! what do u think i should? or its not me, its her? i dont know!! well, i have another question for u because u know what ur talking about, lets say i do the "no contact" rule does it apply if ur girl is with some guy or what? well, hope to hear from u soon okay