Questions needing answers (long)

[Velkeria]

Hi Everyone.

I want to thank all of you who have given advice to me lately.

It does help me put things into perspective. So thank you.

 

I am hurting. I dont know how to make it stop.

I love this woman very much, and she says she loves me.

 

here goes, I have been trying my hardest (although not very successful) at the no contact thing. I have called her, but she also calls me. when she does call sometimes I am able to just take it lightly and all goes well, sometimes I get into the emotional things and I know i am not supposed to do that. I am trying....

 

Last night, she calls me after she gets home from her yearly Dr. appointment.... She says she has something for me..... She says its an Rx for Viagra, I asked why is that for me ? she replies well its for me, but the cost is cheaper for men so the Dr. wrote it out to you.

Obviously she has some issue with not being interested in sex or some form of libido issue. I have heard her say this in the past but it has never really been an issue between us. So I start thinking this is a good sign right ? Then I start thinking why is she getting Viagra if she is not wanting to be with and that she needs her space ? then off goes my mind racing about all these thoughts...... if not me then who, etc....

 

Also, I told her that I love her, and maybe we can try out the Viagra this weekend, her response "we'll see".. "I do want to come over and see my dog" now is that a good thing ? is she just coming over to see her dog and feels that maybe she is obligated to have sex because I'm watching her dog ? or is the Wanting to see the dog a good reason for her to use to come over without telling me she wants to have sex ?

 

She broke up with me in December for reasons of fear of commitment, and I think because she fell for her boss. She did date him admittly after she broke up with me, when I asked about there being more, she first said no, then after a week or two she came out and said yes, and then a few weeks ago after I sent her an "i'm letting go email" she said she didnt do anything other than kiss him... I have alot of trouble believing that, and It really burns me up to think that she works and talks with this guy daily... I have told her that and she replies " you are really overblowing this whole thing, it was nothing" But yet i saw an email from her to him that said "I miss you. I was hoping to see you again tonight before you left" To me that tells me there was a little more going on than a kiss or two.

 

I have told her that I am afraid and hurting, she tells me that I am worrying too much, and I just need to chill out and relax.

 

Then I get the phone calls from her that tell me the good things that happen in her life, like her daughter getting her first job. (the other day)

 

She talks about going on a cruise with me in the near future, she wants me to fix her computer this weekend, I think these are good signs.

But then she only says Ilove you after I tell her, she wont come out and tell me her feelings, and when I said i'm in one of three places and those are A) You love me, you want me to wait. B) you love me, you do not know what you want, do what i need to do C) get lost she replied with were at the A- or B+.

 

can anyone give any advice ? thoughts, comments ?

Does she love me ? Am i being strung along ? what do I do abou this boss thing and my feelings with that ? ( she even has his cell number programmed in hers) not unusual for the workplace my boss class me all the time for business, but I have a fear that there is more but she tells me no and that I'm making too much out of it.

 

Anything would be great.

[avman]

Well I do in fact think she is stringing you along. You might be reading way more into her conversation then is really there.

 

She left you for her boss. Now she can't make up her mind. I do think she is keeping you in her back pocket as a consolation prize. And you deserve more than that. She obviously hasn't let the boss thing go yet. Otherwise she wouldn't be so defensive about it.

 

You really need to heal my friend. Go with no contact and STICK TO IT. I know you say you want your ex back, but really look closely at this ex of yours and what she truly represents. Read the posts from The Morrigan and think what you would actually be going back to. I think you can do better.

 

Heal. Get stronger. And THEN take a look at whether you actually want her back, or not.

 

avman

[jamman]

Hey Brother

 

I agree with Avman the all the way, this woman is playing you, and I can't imagine how confused this must make you. Obviously something was not working for her with the two of you and now she is having second thoughts. She sounds as if she was testing the waters with her boss and now is re-testing the waters with you, but this is not fair to you or your self esteem. Yes she does have feelings for you and you her, but don't you think she blew it, how can you trust her again? These are just some things to think about, for YOU. Go no contact and heal my friend you are the most important and still young. Then you will find someone who truly loves you and does not bring about ridiculous confusion someone who does care for your feelings, I don't see that this woman is holding yours in high regard right now. Give everything to yourself, treat yourself like a king and be one. Hope this helps.

 

Let the music sing through you!!

Jamman