I need all the help I can get

[ansleynicole]

I will try to make this as short as possible but still give details so that anyone who can help will help.

 

First of all I was dating a guy for a few months that is divorced from a wife that didn't treat him very well and then walked away from him. He told me from day one that he was crazy about me, didn't desire anyone else and loved me more than anyone he was with. Everything was going great with us I thought. We talked about his past a lot and how it affected him. I tried to understand him and see how he still felt about her. It has been three years since they divorced and he doesnt see her at all but I feel like he hasn't totally let her go even though he doesn't desire to be back with her he still has issues.

 

Well anyway, when we started dating we found out that his little brother had cancer and I supported him through all of this. Well I got sick one week and we got into a disagreement on whether I was staying for lunch after church..I decided I shouldn't, dropped him off and left him even though he was motioning me to come in. I went to church that night and did not sit with him and he was mad. I called him that night and asked if he loved me and he asked me what kinda question is that. So I figure he still loved me. ALthough he didn't talk to me for a week and dumped me. When I asked him why he said because I left and that if we started out like this it would always be like this (sounds like issues from the past).

Well it has been seven months since we broke up and I haven't given up hope. I still have a strong feeling that God is not letting me let go of him and maybe I am wrong.

 

I just feel like maybe he is not giving me a fair chance because his ex wife walked out and he saw this one little time that I did that as me leaving him also. He still seems like he has not forgiven me for what I done and it really wasn't anything. He talked about marrying me and wanting to be with me and I don't see how he can throw that away because of one mistake that I made and told him that I am sorry everyday for it and know that I made a mistake. Do anyone think he can overcome the issues and hurt he still has from the ex wife and love me again? Is there anything I can do to help him or to prove that he can trust that I made a mistake and will never do it again?

[lil_mamarains13]

Sorry girl it sounds to me like he has some major issues that he is running from and not facing. I too know how it feels to be mistreated in a relationship. I was emotionally abused, sexually abused, and physically abused by a guy I dated for 3 years and 3 months. I have been away from that situation for about 7 months and I am still falling back into the same fears and finding myself with the walls built up. It almost ruined my current relationship. My bf though is understanding of what I have been through, and he even told me that he knows that he messed me up, and the he is trying to help me get through and past that. I wanted to run, but that is the easy way out, and only causes more pain. He is running away from his past issues and isn't facing them. He may never face them and continue to run from them. You can't make him face them either. You made a small minor mistake and he could not handle that so what happens if you make a big major mistake. You don't need that stress in your life because he won't accept your imperfectness. You need to move on and just forget about it. If it were meant to be it will, but let it come to you, and don't sit around waiting for it while you wallow in your own missery and pain. This of course is easier said than done, but you have to start somewhere. I hope I helped. Good Luck!

[ansleynicole]

i understand but does anyone think that he will get over being mad an come back to me...should i have any hope?

Do you think he gave me a fair chance?

[ilinara]

Not fair at all. He is not giving you what he is expecting from you.

[ansleynicole]

is there anything i can do to get him to come back to me and stop being mad? i admitted my mistake..is this all about his past and not me?

[ansleynicole]

another question..he didnt come out and say no more contact or not accept any letters that i have written. I know we attend church together and i guess he has to be nice but if he didnt want anything to do with me or care somewhat would he keep accepting letters that i write him??????? he said that we can talk to each other without being serious (guess meaning dating)

[ilinara]

You could ask him what he means with ''without getting serious''. If it is dating it might help the two of you building trust in each other. That's what he needs to get over his ex wives behaviours. But still, I think he has over reacted. You have to carefully decide if he is worth all the work you will have to do to get him trusting you.

[ansleynicole]

i agree with you... i have thought about just being nice to him and try talking about just regular things when i am around him. I told him i couldn't be his friend because i dont feel that way but if he is going to over react the way he did maybe we need to start there to build up trust again..