Nearwater Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Been at least 6 months. i am still wrecked. Can't fake it. Another saturday night with a sleeping pill and a martini, crying alone about my stupid ex. The enormity and lonliness are sinking in and the weight is crushing me. Want to call her and just wail into the phone anyone relate? Link to comment
cristal Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Don't. She will not respect you for doing so and you will only end of feeling much, much worse. Tough it out as best as you can. I promise you, it will not kill you. Been there, done that and I am still around to talk about it. The horrible feelings will eventually subside, but your situation just requires more time. Who knows? She is probably sitting at home alone, wondering why the hell you haven't been calling her. Ride out the pain, one day at a time. Tomorrow when you wake up, you will feel much better at having maintained your dignity by not contacting her. Remember, this is a journey. It will eventually take you to a much better place. Link to comment
Nearwater Posted November 16, 2008 Author Share Posted November 16, 2008 She has all but moved in with her rebound, a married, fat, suedo-rich guy. on his 3rd failed marriage, stringing her along, still not even divorced. His kids won't come home when she is there. Amazing what she gave up for $$$. Love. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Been at least 6 months. i am still wrecked. Can't fake it. Another saturday night with a sleeping pill and a martini, crying alone about my stupid ex. The enormity and lonliness are sinking in and the weight is crushing me. Want to call her and just wail into the phone anyone relate? Aww i am so sorry nearwater. I can definitely relate. Sometimes breakups are just as bad as losing someone to death. It's hard, and it can take a long time to get passed, but in time you will feel better. I know it sounds so cliche, but it's true. It takes longer for others, and there is nothing wrong with that, but time really does heal all wounds. Do you have any family or friends you can start spending saturdays with? If not why not try getting out of the house? Take a walk, or see a movie or something to take your mind off of things. Whatever you do though..don't give in and call! That will just hurt you even more. Stay strong. Link to comment
heaven66 Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Been at least 6 months. i am still wrecked. Can't fake it. Another saturday night with a sleeping pill and a martini, crying alone about my stupid ex. The enormity and lonliness are sinking in and the weight is crushing me. Want to call her and just wail into the phone anyone relate? Can you tell me what sleeping pills you are taking cause the ones i take are not working!!!!!!!!!!! I have not broken up with mine but we are having issues.so I don't call but I can't get to sleep either...Good Luck to you Nearwater.... Link to comment
cristal Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 She has all but moved in with her rebound, a married, fat, suedo-rich guy. on his 3rd failed marriage, stringing her along, still not even divorced. His kids won't come home when she is there. Amazing what she gave up for $$$. Love. It might not even work out and then she might come crawling back. Hopefully, after you have gotten over her. Do not let her see you in shambles. It will just feed her ego, at you becoming a broken man - over her. You cannot change the present situation, but you can change how you react to it. The pain is understandable, but it is temporary. And there is a huge chance that he will ditch her and go back to his wife. Link to comment
littlestar Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Been at least 6 months. i am still wrecked. Can't fake it. Another saturday night with a sleeping pill and a martini, crying alone about my stupid ex. The enormity and lonliness are sinking in and the weight is crushing me. Want to call her and just wail into the phone anyone relate? Oh dear can i relate to your post. It has only been 62 days for me and i feel as though i am falling apart. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Aww...Nearwater, I feel for you. I've followed your story, and I know it is painful for you. I wish I had something to say that would make you feel better. I do have a few suggestions: Definitely, whatever you do, don't call her. I think you know this, but just in case you feel inclined to anyway...realize that she has made choices that you don't understand, choices that seem totally illogical, totally wrong, and that those choices are NOT your burden to bear. Yes, you have been affected by them, but you can only be affected by them -- and continue to be affected by them -- to the extent to which you allow it to continue. She is, most likely, making a mess of her life, but that is not your problem. You have to let her make her mistakes and reap the consequences, whatever they may be. Talking to her, at this stage, and when you feel the way you do, will only result in further heartbreak for you. Try to avoid mixing alcohol and sedatives -- even if it's just "one" of each. One drink and one sleeping pill probably won't hurt you, but if it becomes (or has already become) a regular thing, it might be a hard habit to break. I remember when I hit a really low point, I had a bottle of Vicodin (from when I was in a car accident) that still had about 18 pills in it, and I imagined taking several of those and drinking a bottle of wine -- not to kill myself, but to dull the pain to the point where I could just go into a stupor for awhile and not have to deal. I'm happy to report that I never did it -- the Vicodin remain in my medicine cabinet, and the wine hasn't been touched, except for when friends come over. The point is: Feel the pain. Acknowledge it. Let it work its way out. Don't try to dull it, because you can only do so much of that, and only temporarily. I have promised myself I will never drink "alone," that I will only do it in the company of others. Like I said before, I wish I had some magic words for you. All I can say is, I've been there -- crying in a heap on the bathroom floor, sobbing so hard I made myself sick; not being able to eat for weeks on end; sleeping poorly; barely getting through the day at times; feeling overwhelmed; questioning everything, my mind racing constantly. For me, it was one little step at a time -- going out with a friend here and there; exercising; cooking myself a nice meal one night; buying myself flowers; calling and e-mailing people I love; getting rid of a bunch of stuff I no longer needed and donating it to charity; committing myself to various things in order to keep busy and feel like I was really doing things and being productive; reading books -- not just self help, but "fun" books, books of affirmations, etc. Slowly, I started to get myself back. I'd say I'm about 85% back now -- and I think when I'm 100%, I'll be better than I ever was. I suspect that part of what is keeping you in this dark place is the hope that your ex will come to the revelation that she made a huge mistake and come back to you. I apologize if I'm making an assumption, but from some of your earlier posts, I got the sense that this was the case -- that you have been thinking that her current situation can't possibly last, that when it inevitably fails, she'll come back to you. If so, I really, truly believe that if you can let go of that hope, the idea that she will one day return, that you will start to feel some relief. Literally the minute I started letting go of that hope was the minute I started feeling better. I admit, I still find myself hoping, just a bit, that he will do a 180 and want me back, but I also realize that even if it did happen, it probably wouldn't be a healthy situation for me. In fact, my ex is having trouble in his relationship, and he has been sniffing around me lately, and rather than having me feeling giddy, it actually has me a bit afraid -- it's no longer "Oh, wow! Maybe he wants me back!" It's more like "Oh...wow...what if he wants me back? Yikes!" I hope that at some point soon you'll be in the place where you seriously doubt you'd take her back, even if she came back begging for your forgiveness. I am sending you my most positive thoughts tonight....I hope you will feel better soon. Link to comment
Nearwater Posted November 16, 2008 Author Share Posted November 16, 2008 BEG, you are awesome and intuitive. Right about everything. Off to bed and check in tomorrow. Link to comment
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