Is there a chance...

[rivergirl]

Hello,

I wrote on here once before but didn't get a lot of input so I'll try again. My boyfriend of 8 months called it quits about 1 1/2 weeks ago. And I don't know what happened. We had ended up in a long distance relationship and that was not so great but we were dealing with it. Then a close friend of his died. And he pulled away. Then he did a very cliche I don't want a girlfriend right now, it's not you it's me, I still like you, etc.

So my question would be what does anyone know about grief and relationships ending? Also he has called me twice since then and acted very normal just the same as ever. We broke up while I was visiting and the beginning of my visit was great and then it was just like a light switch, he started acting cold and distant. What happened? I would love some input of any kind!

Thanks!

[jclaam]

Hey Rivergirl,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Like you, I am not sure why you and your ex broke up in the first place. Don't hate it when people break up with you. They tell you that there nothing wrong with you. That is them that is not sure what they want. I know this going to be hard to do. But start doing the "no contact method". However I don't know how much the death of his friend is affecting him. I am trying to think how an death of friend affect your relationship. Were you not being supportive when this all happen. Well I still think that "No contact method" should be used here. Give him some space to think what he wants to do. I know is going to be really hard. Let him miss you. If you really loves / cares about you then he will come back to you.

 

I am on 25th day of no contact from my ex although I did see her at my work this past Friday night. But I still being strong and that I going to heal from this experience.

 

You have to realize that the most important thing is you. Do what makes you happy. I think giving him space to think would be good and hopefully he will come back to you. Good luck with everything!!!

 

jclaam

[raggamuffin]

It could be that he is pushing you away because of the loss of his friend and he doesnt want to risk losing you or it could be a defensive mechanisim. It depends on how you feel as to what you should do. If you love him and dont want to lose him from your life than you should fight. Or you could just be there for him as a friend to help him through the loss of his friend. Ihope it works out the way you want it too. R.

[rivergirl]

How do I do no contact when he is calling me? I don't want to cut him off completely because he is going through a rough spot losing his friend. Plus if he calls he is initiating the contact so... When we have talked (2 times) I've been sure to be very upbeat and happy and have had lots to say. And it's funny because he used to always call me in the evenings and the other day he actually called from his work. I wasn't home so we didn't get to talk but I just thought it strange that he call from work.

 

Somedays I feel like I should just give up move on and realize that it's over for good. But others I just can't help but feel that he's just needing space and he'll be back. I know you all do that too. Somedays are great, some not so great.

 

Thanks for all your input!!

[SeattleB]

I'm going through a similar situation. I think it's best to give that person "space". If he needs any help or advice from you, he will call you. If you try and force your way in, you'll just push him away.

 

You have to tell yourself that it's not your fault. He's going through a lot. Just be there when he needs you. That's all you can really do right now.