And I grow. A look into my personal journey.

[Jake.]

I guess stick to what you were doing and better yourself? I'm not one to give much advice as my situation is a hectic mess and so am I, but I've heard it's the only way really. I'm also trying to stick by it.

[onemanband]

We had an MSN convo after.

 

I said thanks for everything. I'm sorry for any hurt I gave you. I want to make it up to you. I want you to know that I'm here if you need anything. I'm working on myself. When you're ready, I want to work on our friendship

 

A little banter. I then said something along the lines of, I felt you were the one, but if not then it'll only get better, and anything better than you is going to be incredible. She said "i feel really uncomfortable having these conversations, i should tell you. even though it's totally new, i still feel a loyalty to the person i'm seeing now. And this kind of talk with a past lover is kind of disrespectful. you of all people would agree, i'm sure. "

 

I said I understood, but asked her to put faith in fate, and said if one day it happens, I'll be a much better person that before.

 

this was her reply

 

"K says:

i told you today that i had moved on. we talked for a bit. and i found out that in lot's of ways I have: i don't cry about it anymore ... i go days at a time without thinking about things ... But in other ways, i was wrong. i haven't moved on. I am still so pissed with you it makes me want to hit delete on your msn right now. so that's what you're up against. "

 

"K says:

i'm not trying to be nasty ... i'm trying to be honest. "

 

I said I understood. Said I was glad to have closure, at which point she started getting mean, saying she could feel her stinger coming out. etc. I put my foot down and said "I'm gonna stick up for myself". She was pissed. We ended our convo shortly after and I'm pretty sure she deleted me.

 

 

 

I sent an email "Forgiveness is releasing a captive, only to find that captive was you... I forgive you, and I hope one day you will forgive me too"

 

 

Time to move on.

 

 

She said she wanted to see me again, but that she 'wasn't ready yet'. I'm not going to look into it though. Time for full NC and time for her to let the dust settle and see what she's lost.

[Jake.]

Maybe it's for the best, seems like she was jerking you around for what? Nothing really. You got drunk and had a fight? Big deal. Alcohol does that, it's not like you went and slept with another woman. Seems she doesn't know what she's doing from what you said she was telling you.

 

From what I'm experiencing this moment with the break up of my fiancee less than a week ago, it seems when people have faults they try and bring you down with them but in an even worse way. So you think you're this horrible person, and you need to make everything right. It's all pretty screwed up when I think about it.

[loulee]

Sad but true it is time for some NC I hope you can stick to it. The whole pressure being created here is too stressful its almost feels like every few days your hoping for a real sign that you are both on your way back to each other..Sit tight. re energise and focus on you. Dont ask anyone hows shes doing and ask them not to mention her at least for now..Anger subsides in time, I think it reignites within her with the contact you are currently having.. she needs to totally miss you to help her anger dissipate more quickly..She knows how you feel and she knows your sorry I do get the feeling though she wants you to be more sorry..Wait it out and let fate takes its course...time is a great healer as we all know...I sincerley hope it works for both of you..keep some faith!

[onemanband]

So I went NC since then. On Dec 17th she sent me a msg on FB saying "very funny" and a link to a really nice photo of us in which I had tagged her as "some crazy girl".... Uh oh. totally forgot I did that, and forgot I had a profile open to friends of friends. I didn't reply, but just took the tag off. I guess I can take it that she's either trying to string me along, or still has feelings enough to a: go onto my FB page and look at photos of me and b: let me know that she's doing so by sending a msg. Either way, I have to move on. What's interesting though, is that by sending me the msg, I can see some of her profile, and she's not in a relationship, nor is anyone posting anything of interest on her profile photos (like I have at least). She's also had status' that indicate she's having a rough time.

 

Also, Christmas I added her in a mass text wishing a merry Christmas.

 

and that's about it. I still feel the same way about her, but I'm doing better on my own. Things are looking up in the rest of my life, and I've been growing in strides. I've heard a few instances of people talking behind my back, saying positively "wow, A has changed". Good to hear!