o.k this is even hard to write about..., but I'm so alone

[Painfullyshy23]

o.k where to start I'm old (early 20's) alone, I have no one and I just began reading this book and it pretty much put into prespective all the things I'm in the first few pages that I read(selfhelp book) please forgive my stupidity I just joined a couple of minutes ago and I've been reading this book for the first time today. Please let me tell you a little background on the waste which has been my life, well early 20's, distant, a pure thinker, since well I have no social skills, a nerd in high school, I became the nice guy you know I pretty much feel like a loser and well I have no one, I usually don't get out at all, and the few times that I have gotten the nerve to ask a girl out i've been sorely shut down or play with, and in my retarded state I have trusted and have come out the village idiot in the end, see when I do go out to work or where ever I become a person that wears a mask to protect myself from the outside world, I seal off all emotion and act my way through which ever situation I find myself in, nobody knows who I really am they know the character I portray, but now reading this book I can't seam to keep my now normal cold and calm exterior even now thinking back to what I read and how my life has turned out I just can't stop weeping, now I feel worst because now its sounds like I'm whinning somebody please play a violin oh see what I just did hide my pain through jokes. I'm so afraid I'll be alone for the rest of my life, I'm so afraid to speak I believe I came here as a cry for help I don't know what to do........,

[VickiRose]

Okay, first off... Don't worry about never finding someone... If you keep having those thoughts it will happen... Shyness is not a downfall, Im pretty sure that at least fifty percent of the population is shy.. You say that when your with someone you play a character... Right? Did you know that most successful actors are shy? Okay, heres my suggestion, think positive, you will meet the girl of your dreams, you just have to be open to it... Write down on a piece of paper, everything that you want in a girl & everything that you don't... One reason, most people get what they want, when they put it writting, kinda like a goal, ya know? Anyways, next put your acting skills to work, sign up for a acting class.. (community college, or local performing arts company) By taking acting classes, it sorta forces you, to overcome the shyness... Also it will get you out to meet some new girls...

[jester5536]

hrmmm.... not sure it helps, but I feel much the same way most of the time. All these horrible things happen in the world and you just want to create a shell, a barrirer behind which you know you'll never be hurt again. So, not that it's any help, but I think I can understand where you're coming from.

 

Sorry I don't have any advice on dealing with it. If you have any sort of ephiphany on the subject feel free to share.

[Painfullyshy23]

An ephiphany..., Oh how much I wish to tell you that I have an idea a reason a cause for this feeling, You know I wish I could help and in the process help myself but I can't in the recesses of my mind I have let myself to believe that everything happens for a reason that nothing just happens that the world turns because there is a purpose but as time passes I see that it is just my childish notion of a world that really has no purpose it just happens but there is no reason for it you know deep inside of you you know that theres something wrong that your life should not be as should or should have not turn out the way it did you know no matter how close you mught be to your family that theres something missing theres a void inside of you that cannot be filled and each day it grows and you feel it and you know that it will eventually tear you apart and you try to fill it but theres nothing you put in it that will change it for you it might be food or work or television but this things don't fill the void it merely distracts you from it I had the chance to feel once but the four walls of my mind which are my prison held me back you want an ephiphany maybe its my self hatred that drives me to my lonlyness my self punishment for my shyness and my inabilities to find that one person that completes the part of my soul thats missing just an existence is what I have I have never lived nor have I died I have just existed I feel that I'm close to the end...,

[Jerome]

You're obviously in a lot of pain, and I'm sorry that that is the case. I understand how you feel (indeed, I am in a similar predicament). You do not deserve self-inflicted punishment. Shyness is not a crime. You need to say to youself that you deserve approval...not from any woman, but from yourself. Confidence is the key to unlocking all our desires. Approve of yourself, like yourself, accept yourself - and confidence will come. We are free to feel any emotional state about any situation. We can feel depressed about someone dying because we care about them, or we can feel glad that someone has died because they were an evil genocidal maniac. We can choose how we feel about any situation...it's all up to us. You are a good person...I don't know you but I suspect that you're a kind and considerate human being...and that is very much in demand, now and always. Women like kind and considerate and confident people.

 

You don't have to feel depressed about your life. You can change how you feel...feel happy. Happiness begets happiness...it's a fundamental law of humanity. You can't use a relationship to push the pieces of your life in place, you can only use a relationship once your life's foundations are in place. Happiness, about who you are and how good a person you are, will allow you to make your foundations as secure as possible.

 

I realise I haven't explained how to change your emotional state. It's a bit like telling somebody when they go to China, "Speak Chinese", without telling them how. That is why I recommend that you read Anthony Robbins' Awaken the Giant Within. It's a good book, and it'll tell you how to speak Chinese (keeping with the previous metaphor, of course). Good luck, and may happiness be yours.

[Painfullyshy23]

You know in a social community as that of one of our close cousins the chimpanzee, when a member of the society does or acts in a way that is not accepted by the community, the member is punished with discumunication in which even if the punished member was to try to communicate with the rest of the society he or she would be ignored until such time when he or she has paid for the its misbehavior. In this manner of punishment the offender is caused not physical harm but mental and psychological. This form of punishment can be viewed in almost all social creatures. For the " shy " unfortunately this is mainly a self-inflected punishment in which the person is not being punished by anyone else but is a sociological and mental trap in which the person afflicted is unable to act or in this case socialize with the rest of society. In this manner a normal social creature suffers tremendous stress and mental harm due to ones own inabilities to communicate. This could easily be described in the following a man dying of thirst in the middle of the ocean as the old proverb says " water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink " but for the " shy " it is better described as a man dying of thirst in a swimming pool filled with Evian water except the man is terrified so he is unable to drink. You know pretty much describes most of us doesn't it we may not be seeking sex or longtime companionship; I believe all we are doing is simply trying to communicate and unfortunately failing miserably. All I do believe is that our condition primarily began in our childhood and let Freud turn in his grave but it was with our mothers, it is also well know that in a way Freud was a mamas boy pardon the phrase. Our mothers, they meant well I'm sure, but although something looks good at the moment the end results are less than what is expected. Overprotection, harsh rules and regulations that are to be followed to the letter, not letting you socialize with friends or colleagues and in this manner you lost the chance the easiest and natural chance to be normal, they meant well I'm sure, I'm sure you now the old saying "All men are made by their mothers " so here we are suffering for the well meant mistakes of the past the worst thing is our inability to change the effect, and for the one who is able to break free of the heavy chains that where placed on our shoulders thousands more remain tied down by their minds, what a fate, what a horrible fate the worst of all punishment for a naturally social creature.

 

I just say De Profundus Clamo Adite Domine

Tell you what it really sucks to think so much.

[sweetapples]

Dear Painfullyshy23,

 

Being an extremely shy person myself I can understand your pain. When it comes to girls my shyness increases tenfold. Many times I see an attractive girl on the street or in the mall and I don't have the courage to approach her. I end up cursing myself for being a shy whimp.

I read somewhere something that really hit the nail on the head regarding this; "the feeling of regret is a lot worse than the feeling of rejection".

In your writings you come accross as an intelligent individual with deep emotions. You mention that you are early 20's, that is still really young.

I believe that you doing a good thing in identifying what improvements you would like to make in your life, now the next step is taking actions to reach those goals.

 

 

Sweetapples

[Painfullyshy23]

the problem is taking tha action, you get the courage and then 2 feet away from acting an invisible wall appears, this moment is the worst of all.

I have been able to break this wall a couple of times only to be made a joke on the other side and everysingle time this happens the wall becomes bigger, thicker, and the strenght that jelp you break the wall becomes weaker, smaller. You know I wish I was ignorant, I wish I would walk through this earth without thinking of the cosequences of my actions just let things happen and what ever happens, happens, Hoping to be forest gump I wish I was simple.

[1Adam12]

Hey I'm shy well man, I haven't got Jack Squat! in terms of a date, not even close to having a gf but I just keep looking at it as this: 1. It's not everything and 2. It could be worse..one could be lying in a hospital dying of a major tumor and be in a lot of pain or living under a bridge looking for change to buy a drink.

 

One other thing I've used to help deal with my shyness is on a lot of things not just with girls but when talking to people or going to do something I keep playing out the scenarios in my head over and over and eventually after a min or two I just say the Hell with it and do it! and sometimes the results are interesting because later I think..wonder what would've happened had I not done that or said that or talked to that person...I basically start to think whats the worst that could happen..it's not like I'm gonna be killed for this or something like that..although I'm one who wants to escape with my dignity. Hope it helps some

 

P.S. why don't some of you read my posts and help me out!!! I'm helping people send some of the help my way!

[MEGAMOUSE]

Look rejection is part of life, i know its dificult, but you have to get out there and try and try and try, i have been a lucky guy, i am a good looking guy and im 23, and one thing i known about dating is that to find the one you have to try going out with diferent women, you will get experiance with it. Now, the problem is that your to shy to approach them, well think of it this way, if your in a place where you see a woman you like and you think of talking to her just do it, because if you dont you will end up empty handed, and if you do approach and she rejects you well you will end up the same way you started alone, but the diference is that you get experiance and you start to notice that it doesnt hurt anymore and it becomes easier to approach a woman now that you lost the "FEAR". I have had a girl friend for the past year not anymore but now im getting back at the dating world again and i love it, the flirting is so exciting, so what im trying to say is get out there have FUN dont be sad.

There are two tactics for the dating hunt i use.

1: The wolf pack= its about going out with friends me and about 3 other friends go out in a groud to a bar or discotec or whatever, we have fun and we approach a group of weman we might find attractive and talk to them and normally we end up with phone numbers in our pockets, these tactic is good because you feel no preasure because your "hunting in pack" is easier.

 

2: The one man army: These is my favorite i will go to a bar or discotec alone, and just have fun remember to flirt and smile, after i see or noticy a woman flirting with me i approach her with out thinking it twice, now you must not come on to her in a strong way thats a turn off, just be relaxed and funny, and remember to listen to her and just have fun thats the key of it all, 80% of the time i end up with phone numbers and dates

 

You must not let looks be an obstacle, you have to have a clean look and a good smell helps, dont forget to check for attraction signal.

 

remember TO HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND JUST GET YOUR SELF OUT THERE IN THE GAME.

[longrun]

I am telling u my believe is that once U met the person who's made for u for ur whole life, that will be the day ur shyness ends. No one can tell how long it could be, but these is a day in any case...hv faith, and keep doing what u'r doing rite now.. see what live will give u..