Syntax1985 Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 well maybe not literally lol, but since ive started talking to people and discussing problems on here, ive come to realise im not really that close to my friends at all. there's no way we could have a conversation like the topics here, and now i just don't feel as open to them as i should be. its even now when i have a problem or concern about something, id rather turn here because i know id get a serious reply and someone will actually listen and give theyre advise. ive asked my closest friend to meet up with me this week, just want to have a heart to heart chat about things, but to be honest i know for the most part il be speaking to a brick wall, and i prob wont receive much openness in return. i want to be able to talk to my friends and be as open as i am on here, be able to turn to them when i have problems or issues and them to be comfortable with doing the same to me. i know i cant force that into them but am i chasing parked cars? is it possible to have that close a friendship with another person or is it just because this is a forum that everyone's so open? am i alone with this? or do others get what the hell im on about... lol ? Link to comment
Catdancer Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Here no one knows who you are. In person they are faced with a living breathing person who has feelings. Big difference. Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 ENA shouldn't replace your friends. This site is mainly for those who feel they don't have anyone else to go to, or for those who need advice about things they don't feel comfortable discussing with friends. Link to comment
lady00 Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I understand how you feel. There are some things I don't feel comfortable talking to my friends, family, or bf about so I come to ENA. And in a sense, there is a feeling I get that I really couldn't talk about some things with my friends. But it's because they know me and while they mean well, sometimes their advice is not objective. Sometimes they have pre-determined ideas about a particular person or thing and it makes it hard for them to give good advice. That said, they are irreplaceable. There is something that you get from in-person and over the phone interactions with people who have known you for years, seen you at your best and worst, that just can't be replaced with an anonymous internet forum. Link to comment
girl friend Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I did think to myself once that i seem to have ended up with few true friends, and maybe that is because of the time i spend on here. Its so easy, so tempting. Theres no cues, its easy to listen, you can 'listen at your own pace', no body language, no external factors.. its all here right in front of your face listening to you here and now. If you do feel you've spent too much time on here, make a real effort to get out, to listen and be patient and meet new people. Remember "Everyone has a story." Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I don't like to talk to friends about problems. I never have. I feel as if I should burden them and in the end it is MY decision to make. I throw things up on ENA knowing that people who want to answer can and don't feel obligated to give advice like friends will and hopefully to get a reply from people who have been there. My friends are of two extremes. Either they've been in long term relationships for 3,4, or 5 years. Or they've never been in one. They can't relate. Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I know what you mean. I guess it's because there's so many people on ENA. Telling your problems to one friend all the time can become a burden. I don't know how to explain it. I think many of the people on ENA are also hurting so we can seem much more open. Link to comment
Syntax1985 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 thanks for all the replys people, glad to know im not alone on the thoughts, but your right i should be careful not to let it replace them. Link to comment
Dagless Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 EnA is where I come to be completely and utterly open and honest not only to other people but to myself. You can't always be like that in the real world because I guess there are somethings you just can't or don't talk about. Link to comment
miracle29 Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Its easier to give advice when you don't know someone. Its hard to give unfiltered advice when you have personal relationships with. Link to comment
redhearts Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I don't know. I don't have friends really. But I do talk to my "ex best friend" he knows me too well, its a little scary. He just knows when something is up and calls to talk. Then he gives this utterly good advice because he has just known me for so long, knows who I am. So if it has to do with me personally, he gives me advice but relationship wise, I come here. Link to comment
Syntax1985 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 hmm, i suppose when i think about it, there's a couple of people here ive become friends with via private messages and messenger, and i don't tend to give advise so much on they're threads now in case i say something wrong or upset them. i guess the same goes in real life. Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 No offence, but this is a website. It's never ever going to be a substitute for real life. Yes, you can make good friends online, but the truth is, it's real life that is the valuable one, never a bunch of printed words when you're on in your room. That sounds harsh, and the internet is a lifesaver for a lot of people. BUT - yeah, value your friends and family in real life, not the fantasy of online life, where people can be who they want to be and vanish when they want to. Link to comment
Vanishing Girl Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Hmm...ok well i'll throw this out there...and of course everyone is different, but i've learned for myself that if i can't be honest with my friends than I need to work on being more honest or they're not much of a friend. I do agree that dumping problems on friends is not good for them or you and that sometimes friends can be too emotionally attached to give objectionable advice. However, if you find that you can't talk to your friends than maybe you need to make new ones that share your interests...meaning maybe you've outgrown them (or vice versa). Just my 2 cents Link to comment
Syntax1985 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 No offence, but this is a website. It's never ever going to be a substitute for real life. Yes, you can make good friends online, but the truth is, it's real life that is the valuable one, never a bunch of printed words when you're on in your room. That sounds harsh, and the internet is a lifesaver for a lot of people. BUT - yeah, value your friends and family in real life, not the fantasy of online life, where people can be who they want to be and vanish when they want to. yeah i agree and thats the point im trying to make.. id like to have that fantasy in real life. Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I don't know if someone has said this, but I think part of it is that people that care about you are hurt when you hurt. It's hard to dump that onto a friend. But here on ENA there is no emotional attachment on here. And if we start feeling too drained we can just leave. Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 yeah i agree and thats the point im trying to make.. id like to have that fantasy in real life. I think if you're worried, cut down on the amount of time you're online. I see people posting here almost 24/7, and I sometimes wonder if they realise how much time they spend here. If you think back on good memories, it will never be on that great online chat you have. It will be the time you went to a barbeque and laughed so hard you fell off your chair. Good to keep an eye on it. The internet is a fantasy in many ways, people can be who they want to be, without reality interrupting. Link to comment
girl friend Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 here on ENA there is no emotional attachment on here. Oooh??? Perhaps thats where i went wrong...? Because i can tell ya all that without emotion, without loving the friends i've made here, there would be no point whatsoever to wanting to listen, talk, and help people. "Nothing in the world has ever been accomplished without passion." Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Oooh??? Perhaps thats where i went wrong...? Because i can tell ya all that without emotion, without loving the friends i've made here, there would be no point whatsoever to wanting to listen, talk, and help people. "Nothing in the world has ever been accomplished without passion." I should rephrase it. There's no emotional attachment at first. I think it makes it easier to listen to people's problems here. Link to comment
Syntax1985 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 your both right, basically there no emotional attachment, but at the same time theres your emotions of feeling for the person your giving advise to and understanding theyre problem. Link to comment
girl friend Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I should rephrase it. There's no emotional attach at first. I think it makes it easier to listen to people's problems here. yeah! I agree buddy!!! your both right, basically there no emotional attachment, but at the same time theres your emotions of feeling for the person your giving advise to and understanding theyre problem. There is emotional attachment though, espesh with the friends we make over pm. with the general advise, it depends.. if its a user who is a stranger to you its initally detachment.. if you become 'familiar' with a user, and end up replying to a lot of their posts and threads you end up sorta friends i think, wondering how they're getting on, one could go so far as to say emotionally attached maybe. Its so much easier sometimes to log onto here than to be bothered with the trials and tribulations of socialising!!! Link to comment
Syntax1985 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Share Posted October 24, 2008 Its so much easier sometimes to log onto here than to be bothered with the trials and tribulations of socialising!!! amen!!!! ty for that Link to comment
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