Help! - I'm shy & unattractive & very, very worried

[Jerome]

I'm a very shy, not very attractive 18-year-old and I get really nervous around women, particularly when it's the case that I'm attracted to them. Maybe it's a fear of rejection, I'm not entirely sure. Also, I'm kinda worried about the fact that I may not meet the right woman (or any woman at all) or be able to judge when I've met 'Ms. Right'. How do I know I haven't already missed her? I do have some good points - I'm intelligent, kind, compassionate, considerate, thoughtful - but I'm not sure that they're enough to attract the kind of woman I'm looking for & then form a rich, rewarding, romantic relationship with her.

 

Help!

[Beec]

OK, but first of all, why do you think you are not so attractive??

 

Second, don't worry about that. Almost, everyone is thought to be attractive by someone. I know plenty of women who would not get the time of day from me. I know plenty of men that most would think are not attractive, but get lots of women. Someone will notice your attractive qualities and notice what is not so attractive.

[Kadillac]

The one thing that all women find attractive in a man is confidence. You need to stop saying that your unattractive and being negitive with yourself. If you think your unattractive then do something about it. Go shopping, get a hair cut, go to the gym these are all physical things that will not make other people think that your attractive but it will help you gain confidence in yourself and that is what truly people find attractive.

[MISSINGYOU2004]

Look dont say that about yourself I was once 18 I once thought I would never meet a girl, thats not true the way you are thinking. Trust me girls dont care much about looks anyways, they want a guy who will be there for them emotionally. They want someone they can talk to and trust. Look this is a important lesson in life, if you dont fail if you dont get rejected you will never win, in order for you to win in life you have to lose that is the rule of it. If you went out to a club , party, or anywhere and went and talked to lets say 20 girls at least 1 of them will talk to you and then you will have a date. dont worry, you need to get your low confidence out of you, you have to remember you are the best person in the whole word and go after it and if you get rejected thats the girls loss not yours, go get that punani. if you need anything write me back.

 

I used be be in your shoes I can relate, now im 25 and my problem now is that I have 2 girls that are in love with me and I do not know what to do, that is my problem.

 

So dont worry be strong, become confident, try focusing on a hobby or something that you like, and that will make you strong, since you are good at it. and people will flow right to you, you will then have to decide which girl you want.

 

okay take care I hope I can helped you a little, the rest is all up to you.

[avman]

Hello Jerome and welcome to eNotalone,

 

Different women find all sorts of different traits "attractive". If you are comfortable with yourself and can just be YOU thats going to go a long way towards being attractive to a potential partner. Like Kadillac said, you need confidence. Just be YOU. Its easy - you don't have to pretend to be something that you are not.

 

Eventually, you will run into someone who is looking for the traits that you already have. And then love can blossom. You've pointed out some EXCELLENT traits that you already have. So thats fabulous! Be happy that you have those and off you go.

 

avman

[Beec]

I agree with everything in the other posts. Confidence is key. But if you don't feel very attractive for whatever reasons, then you should work on those reasons. If you think women don't find you attractive because you are too skinny or too heavy, work on those things. Working on those things will help you feel more attractive.

 

The other things you can work on to help you meet and get more women include: your conversational skills, with everyone; your shyness; your ability to read body language; your ability to send the right body language; flirting; etc. There are all kinds of techniques and skills that can be useful in mating and dating. None of us is perfect in any of them. Working and improving any one of these skills will help your overall confidence and success.

[dockorama]

Go to college. Follow two rules. 1) get away from your home town (home state if possible) and 2) understand the insignificance of the "in" crowd.

 

While in college, live on campus and join specialized extracurricular activities. Stay away from elitist groups like greek (frats/sororities), honors groups... I've found a high concentration of high-schoolish attitudes in those social settings.

 

About women... stay away from computer/video games. Get out of your house/room, hang out with friends of both sexes. Hang out in cafe's, put on a smile. And no, your not ugly.. if you want to feel cool, go buy a new pair of shoes, and some t-shirts from link removed. But most of all, be yourself! Your special man, and everything you do should be done with confidence (as much as I hate to use that word).

[sweetapples]

Jerome, I am extremely shy and have sometimes have trouble finding the courage to approach girls. But one thing that I wish I had learnt a couple of years ago is that the feeling of rejection is peanuts when you compare it to the feeling of regret.