what the heck is this guy doing?!

[BlkLagoon]

I'm confused and need some advice or insight. I met a guy who I have a lot in common with online a few months ago. He was moving to a city nearby so we got to know eachother. Lots of talking online and on the phone. Of course, we were very excited to meet eachother after a couple months of this and we finally met on New Years. I drove to the city he moved to (2 hrs away) to spend a few days with him. Everything went great. We got along so well, and everything just felt natural (physically and personality-wise). We agreed we'd see what happened since the visit was good. He said everything was perfect and just how he imagined. In the meantime, he needed to get situated in his new home and find work, etc. I came up the following weekend and we had another awesome weekend. Then he calls me and explains that he's not sure he wants a relationship at this time because of all the stress of not finding work yet, and settling into a new place, as well as other small things bothering him. He just was unable to focus all his attention on building a relationship, so he thought we should take things easy. I said fine and I understood, that we'd take it slow and asked if he still wanted to see me. He said yes, but I gave him a little time (2 weeks) before I came up there again. He called me every night during this time, and he was getting more depressed about not having money right now and being confused as to where his life was headed. I came up there because he wanted to hang out again this past weekend, and it was a normal night. Our relationship stayed physical if you know what I mean, so I didn't see it coming when the next morning he tells me he thinks we should "just be friends for now". He had even planned to tell me this before I came up! I was really hurt and disappointed, and his reasons were the same-- he's having a hard time coping with stress in his life right now and doesn't want to start anything serious. The fact that he wanted to take a huge step back (especially after we had been sleeping together) made me really uncertain this was true, but he says that's all it is and that he likes me a lot and hopes that things will be really good for us in the near future when he's got his life together. I told him I would not be able to see him as just friends, and have backed off almost completely. He seems concerned about this and said he just meant for this to be a break and not the end. But I feel like I can't trust him, and I'm afraid of getting hurt again. I basically want to know- should I continue contact with him while he sorts his life out? Do you think his reasons for wanting to pause the progress of the relationship are legitimate? Should I forget about the whole thing? Argh! Any help is appreciated.

[Kadillac]

I wouldn't trust him either. One thing is for certain, don't have sex with him anymore until he will commit to you. He is not being fair to you by making you think that something is going on, has sex with you, and then after tells you he needs to back off. I can understand why he wouldnt want to be in a relationship now because he doesn't have a job. Men are providers and because he dosen't have a job he feels he can't provide for anyone. But unless it is mutal he can't just have sex with you and let you to believe that more is going to happen and then tell you that nothing is going to happen. He sounds like hes just trying to keep you around for his convenience.

[Chesnick]

He's not keeping you around for his sexual convenience. If he was, he wouldn't have told you he just wanted to be friends. Contrary to popular female belief, men are not all untrustworthy pigs. Granted, there is a chance that he is just being an evil jerk for the fun of it, but I think the guy is telling the truth. He just recently moved to a new city where he is trying to fnd a job and support himself and build a life. This is not easy. He's having trouble with a job, trouble with money, he probably doesn't know many people there, he's just trying to survive, and he's feeling depressed about it. He feels that supporting a romantic relationship would just be another load of problems to deal with, and he's feeling overwhelmed. Personally I commend him for telling you what's up rather than just continue sleeping with you and not caring about the relationship.

 

I think you should keep contact with him (but don't sleep with him). Try to be his friend. And if he does get his life straightened out down the road, maybe you will end up together.

[sidehop]

I think he's being honest...I mean if I was in his shoes, I'd want to back off just knowing my emotions would be unstable to continue with the relationship. He probably feels that he can't give you the same kind of affection being that he's financially unstable right now and as a guy he wants to feel comfortable about his own life.

 

I would be friends with him and see how things go but I wouldn't expect him to be serious any time soon. Hang in there...he sounds like a great guy.