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Could I be calling/texting too much?


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My girlfriend recently moved away 2 weeks ago. So I have been texting her throughout the day, not every hour or anything like that, but maybe 5-6 times throughout the whole day. Then I will usually call her at night before I go to bed.

 

For the first few days after she left we had fun conversations; joking around, talking about our days, saying how much we miss each other, etc. I would get texts from her and I would send some to her.

 

But the last week or so I have gotten hardly any texts, sometimes when I call the conversation gets stale. She still says she misses me and loves me, but the convo seems to get shorter and shorter. Granted, she isn't really a phone person and we've both marvelled at the fact that we talk so long on the phone (over an hour sometimes with her). But now they are getting as short as 10 minutes.

 

The texts I receive from her are far and few between now. And she doesn't have a job out there yet or any friends aside from her brother who lives out there. So I know she has lots of time on her hands.

 

I'm in the process of moving out there to be with her because we love each other so much. But sometimes when I say that I'm coming to visit her so soon she doesn't seem so enthusiastic as much.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is do you think I am contacting her too much? I was trying to keep the dialogue going since we are now so far apart.

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Yes...you are smothering her. Attraction grows in space. She's going to feel you are trying to control the situation from a distance.

 

I'd bet she's looking for an exit strategy from the relationship already. She probably has alot on her mind and doesn't need pressure from you.

 

Your only chance is to stop contacting her, giver her space, and let her contact you. Stop with the moving out there for her. Get your own thing going on...

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I always think that if your gonna text, do it during the day, and don't text again that day unless she replies, if she doesnt reply then just call her as usual that night. If she does reply, and you have a text convo with her just casually ask if its ok for you to ring her 15-20 mins before you intend to. If she doesn't reply, don't bother calling her.

 

and if you're always the initiater, then leave if for a while and see if she initiates the convo of the day.

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As the saying goes, absense makes the heart grow fonder. I completley understand missing her but you have to give her a chance to miss you too. How often did you talk before she moved? Maybe stick to that routine. I know when I moved away from a once-upon-a-time SO, he would call and text me constantly and it actually drove me away. The reason I had moved, though, was to put some distance between us. I was confused about how I really felt for him and needed to figure it out. It sounds like our cases are different but I would still relax a little if I were you.

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Yes...you are smothering her. Attraction grows in space. She's going to feel you are trying to control the situation from a distance.

 

I'd bet she's looking for an exit strategy from the relationship already. She probably has alot on her mind and doesn't need pressure from you.

 

Your only chance is to stop contacting her, giver her space, and let her contact you. Stop with the moving out there for her. Get your own thing going on...

 

Before she left she was begging me to come out there and live with her. The reason she went out there was because her brother was all alone out there. She originally stayed for so long because of me, but she made that mistake before (staying here for a guy that ended up hurting her) and I told her that family is more important and that if she truly loves me it will work out. She left all of her friends and me to go out and be with him and I was fine with that because I was planning on moving out there anyways. It's just that my finances need to be in order before I can pick up and move.

 

and if you're always the initiater, then leave if for a while and see if she initiates the convo of the day.

 

 

The last 4 days I have initiated almost all contact. I called her 2x today already to tell her about some job interviews that I have had out there and confirm my flight and whether or not it was ok to stay with her at her brother's. She said it was ok.

 

Maybe I should back off and wait for her to contact me? I just don't want her to think I'm ignoring her. But at the same time, I don't want to smother her.

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There's nothing wrong with that.

 

My is going to college 5 hrs away and I see him one weekend a month and every day on holidays. He sends me a morning text when he wakes up, and then except for when we are in class (well when he is, I text then except for math) or I'm working, we are texting through out the WHOLE day.

 

And then he calls me in the middle of the day, and once or twice at night.

 

This is just on a weekday, its MUCH more on the weekend.

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Don't fret, there's an easy enough solution - let her be the one to initiate things for a while. But don't ignore her when she does. If she asks why you've been distant or something along those lines, tell her you felt you were over-doing it and want her to have her space if she needed it. Honesty always works best I have discovered!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dont contact her TOO much! 2-3 times tops. Believe me, I am having a real issue with this right now. As a result, i am giving him space..it just gets old and hard to keep up with and wears the other person down. Hey, but if she misses you and loves you dont worry! just dont be so overbearing..let her miss you some more.

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