Awakening

[aloneagain41]

Hello everyone,

 

Well here goes and please bare with me. Yesterday was another horrible day of pain and suffering for me. Today because I needed to go to the bus stop with the kids I knew I had to maintain some sort of control so I wouldn't have to answer any questions from anyone. I felt make it to the bus stop and then you can cry all day while you work.

 

Prior to the bus stop I of course check my email as I do all day long, working on the computer causes you to do that. Anyway, the day of the breakup and a couple of hours prior to the breakup (which was last thursday) I sent him an inspirational ecard about Perseverance in hopes it would help him even for a brief moment. To my sadness he never picked up the ecard. That is, until early this morning. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't know that it alerts me when they are picked up or not picked up. The first thing I felt was "good and happy". Yes, of course I went through the 1 million and 1 reasons why good/bad that he opened the card. Suddenly, I thought how great it felt to feel good in that very moment and I decided that that is definitely how I want to feel.

 

Since the moment he broke up with me, I gave in to the misery, the pain, the going over and over every second of our relationship and it was an absolute nightmare. I am now giving that pain away.

 

I have replaced all the negative with positive and only a short time ago did I actually say I can live without him. Here's the twist, I once tried the "positive thinking and putting it out to the universe", but I never stuck with it. So, I rewatched a video I purchased a couple of years ago and researched positive thinking and you know what I will be positive and I will get what I want out of life. I will believe that he will heal and he will come back to me. It won't be tomorrow and it may not be for another 5 years, but during all that time:

I will become a better person

I will survive the way I always have

I will make the conscious choice to be happy

I will be a better mother

I will be a better friend

I will believe that my exhusband will begin to support his children

I will replace any negative thoughts with outloud positive thoughts

I will be ok no matter what

I will dwell on the end result of all of the above

I will send out to the Universe exactly where I expect to be in all aspects of my life.

 

This is my one life and it is hard and it is sad and I am the only one who can make the choice....I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!

 

Thanks for reading this very long post, but I feel good right now and needed to share that with all of you.

[pboy]

all i can say is good luck. life sure is hard; its harder for some than others.

but it seems like you have a good plan. i hope you can stick to it; and i really do wish you good luck.

[waveseer]

If it's okay with you I'll borrow your list verbatim and add:

 

I will not look for love, it will find me and be everything love is.

[aloneagain41]

If it's okay with you I'll borrow your list verbatim and add:

 

I will not look for love, it will find me and be everything love is.

 

It certainly is ok and I love the addition. Thank you.

[aloneagain41]

all i can say is good luck. life sure is hard; its harder for some than others.

but it seems like you have a good plan. i hope you can stick to it; and i really do wish you good luck.

 

Yes it is hard and harder for some others and I too hope to be able to stick with it and I wish everyone here in pain, recovering and moving on Peace and Love. Thank you very much for your kindness.

[bubblesnyc]

Aloneagain - I haven't written a lot on the ENA site. I have been reading a lot of the posts on my own just trying to sort things out for myself. I have been following your thread to see how you were doing. I can really sympathize with your situation as I have been involved with someone who is going through a divorce. Although, I am single and have never been married. He and I dated for 8 months. He is going through a very messy divorce - children involved and financially a disaster. It really just got to be too much for him. We have been broken up for 8 weeks. He needs time to get through this difficult time and sort things out for himself and there is really no place for me in that process. It has made me very, very sad to be away from him. It makes me even more sad to think that he is probably never coming back. I have had problems trying to see things in a positive light. Your positive post has given me strength. We do have a choice to live a happy life. I wish you so much luck and I hope that you find the happiness that you deserve.

[aloneagain41]

I am sorry to hear that you too are going through the pain, but I am happy to know that my post has given you strength... believe in yourself. You are right we have no place in their process of healing. We can; however, believe that they will heal and they will return to us and all the while we spend our time choosing to be happy. Best of luck to you and thank you for your kind words it really helps.