Are SHY GUYS nervous about meeting FRIENDS?

[SF2008]

I've been dating this guy for about 3 weeks. We've gone out on about 5-6 dates and they all have gone rediculously well! But I get this impression he doesn't want anybody to know we're dating. As far as I know, we don't know anyone in common so it would be nice to meet a friend, his sister (he's really close with his sister and she lives down the street) or anybody. On top of that, I think he's shy about meeting any of my friends. I live with 2 friends so of course they know I'm on a date or when I'm not home. He on the other hand lives alone so we often spend time at his place.

 

We both live in a very social neighborhood/city and I talk about my friends, (they're like my family!) and I know he doesn't know many people here except his sister so I can see that he's shy. I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable but how do I approach this without seeming pushy? I love spending time with him but want more dynamic at times... like for him to join me for a drink with a few friends. Is this too much too fast?

[Carmine]

A lot of times a girl's friends can really screw things up. Even if the girl really likes the guy, if the friends don't approve then it's over. Yeah, sometimes friends need to step in to open a girl's eyes to the scum she's dating, but a lot of times they're irrational and negatively judge a perfectly fine guy. I'd be a bit hesitant to meet a girl's friends, especially if she has a lot of them. The more there are, the greater the chance one won't approve.

[Syntax1985]

maybe hes unsure at this stage about the relationship, personally i keep my friends away until i know its going some were because i don't want the entanglement if it were to end.

 

the last thing you want in a break up is going to your mates for advice and them turning around and saying " oh we were chatting on msn last night and she said "blah blah" "

 

 

theres also the fact hes worried your friends wont like him, and without theyre approval maybe youll end things.

 

i would definatly approach things tho, re-assure him your really into him and you see this going somewere, and youd really like him to meet some of your friends, maybe suggest he bring some of his as well if he shys away from the idea.

 

you do need to approch tho, the last thing you want is him getting comfortable thats its ok to just keep you in his own little bubble ( his flat) were he knows everythings ok.

 

a little comfort towards a little insecurity goes along way

[Cognitive_Canine]

Friends are scary. Maybe introduce him to your least catty friend. One that is a bit of a tomboy and already has a bf if that is possible.

 

Do something with just the three of you guys. That way, when in larger groups of 5 or 6 people. He has both you and this other friend to talk to if things get awkward. Give him time and don't have him meet all your friends at once.

[SF2008]

I never thought that friends could be so intimidating. I guess when I was younger I can see how meeting catty girlfriends could be trouble but we're all professionals in our later 20s and he's almost 31.

 

I'm getting the feeling that he's avoiding me meeting anyone he knows either. While at the movies, he thought he saw his sister and seemed kinda spooked. And while grabbing a coffee the other day, he saw his sister's friend and avoided her all together. I feel like we're in a bubble.

[Cognitive_Canine]

it's only been three weeks. Seeing siblings can be embarrassing, it's about as bad as meeting parents. Why would he want to hang with his sister's friend?

 

Iunno, I think you are making too much out of this. Give him some time and you'll get to know the other people important to him.

[OverThrown]

I am. They make me feel very awkward.

 

And when their best friend is saying stuff like "Oh you will never love ---- as much as me.." and that * * * * when you already have no self esteem it really ruins it for you.

[fastball2113]

this is a classic example of a woman overanalyzing a situation. stop worrying about who knows about you and him going out and who doesnt know...your making a mountain out of a mole hill

[alli]

When I started dating my bf I didn't tell my family for a month. It wasn't anything about him, I'm just kind of a private person like that. 3 weeks isn't that long, he probably wants to wait to see if you'll become exclusive or not. It's kind of embarrassing to introduce "someone" to your friends/family once or twice, then have them ask you, "hey, whatever happened to So-n-So?" when it doesn't work out. Give it some time.