How long is too long before getting engaged

[mskc0511]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 and a half years. We are both in college and we will graduate in 2 years. We both have decided that we would wait to get engaged until after we graduate. We both want our relationship to go further however, we both know that engagment is not the best step right now. However, by the time we do we would have been going out for 5 years. That seems like a long time. Its not like we have been on and off. We have been solely committed to each other for that past 3 and a half years. What should we do. Should we do what we truly want or wait....

[musicguy]

It really depends on both of you. If you 2 feel that you are ready, then get engaged, if you aren't then you aren't. There really is no time limit on when you want to get engaged, just like there is no time limit on marriage either. If both of you plan on getting engaged after you graduate college, I'd say go for it!!! Good luck and congrats when you 2 get engaged in the future.

 

Musicguy

[humanoidcontent]

depends on what you two think- you sound like your stuck on either getting your careers started or getting engaged. You also sound like you've talked to him many times about this. SO... here's what I think: get engaged, because jobs can wait and love is more important. I know you've worked hard to get to the place where you are career wise, nut you can still be married and get a job Just remember to follow your heart.!

 

0X

 

(do any of you people really think about my saying down below?)

[Tourista]

Three and 1/2 years is long enough for each of you to know whether you are right for each other. You know if he's right for you and he knows if you are right for him. You might not be sharing this knowledge but by now you both know.

 

If engagement is the next step and you are ready, let him know. Life is so short.

 

If he isn't ready, accept what he is saying. He knows if he is ready to commit to sharing a life with you and building a future. If he isn't ready, but is exclusive sexually with you and wants to keep it this way, watch out.

 

Because that isn't what you want. You want a relationship that is based on shared feelings and values and priorities. You want a relationship that progresses. If he isn't ready, your relationship is stuck. It will stay stuck until either one of two things happens: 1) He figures out himself and gets ready or 2) You leave. He will stay in the sort of arrangement you have right now because it is comfortable for him and it meets his needs.

 

But it doesn't meet yours. Discuss your feelings. Be honest. Let him know that this is a strong need for you and you need to think over your relationship. Because it isn't fulfilling your needs. Privately, pick a drop dead date, the date you will end things if he still isn't ready and you still want things to proceed. Do not share the date with him or he will construe it to be an ultimatum.

 

Plan your closure to this relationship. You will grieve for what isn't going to be. You will plan to end it as compassionately as possible. No one is wrong, you're just wrong for each other right now.

 

This is all very painful for you especially. But if you don't set some boundaries to how long you are willing to suppress your needs, then you give complete control to your guy. And if this is a partnership, shouldn't the control be shared? So you don't surrender your mind that is telling you your needs are not being met. This guy is nice, could be a lifetime thing except he isn't sure he's ready for a lifetime thing. He still needs to find himself. Men will stay on this track until they feel ready that they can commit to a relationship with you and they won't lose themselves in the process. This is a process of discovery for men and a lot of them are very uncomfortable with what comes up. If he doesn't like what he finds out about himself, you two do not have a future. In order for him to like and love you, he must like and love himself.

 

Good luck to you both!