Meet with the Ex

[Marus]

First the new information and then a background:

 

I planned on meeting with my ex for only 30 minutes and some tea at a local coffee shop. I ended up staying 2.5 hours before going. Although I deviated from my plan I saw some good signs that she is over me being an idiot and may be on the road to attraction again.

When I got there, she was waiting with two pieces of cake. Also, one piece of makeup was out, possibly preparing for someone's arrival. She was also wearing a puzzle ring I gave her and fidgeting with it slightly from time to time. This isn't too much of an indication as she enjoys good jewelry. The reunion started with a warm hug and conversation went pretty well. After some time we went for a small walk and chatted some more. As the time came for me to leave, she walked me to the door of her dorm and remembered she wanted her card so she could get back inside after walking with me to the car.

However, once we got to the car, conversation still continued for some time after. Things were light hearted and fun. Laughter on both sides. She teased a little and subconsciously tested my strength/resolve to which I responded "Cute" and her laugh ment I chose correctly. We went and looked at some of her art and the conversation was kept witty and playful. Once back at the car I tested her by brushing a piece of hair away on her face. No negative reaction, but I didn't pay enough attention to look for a positive result (Such as a smile or eye contact).

When I finally did leave we hugged one last time and I swear she held on a little longer. I played it off and in a cocky/humorous comment and started to head-out. The parting was good and both of us went away happy. I think its a good start to rekindling our relationship.

 

HISTORY

 

I started dating my Ex nearly two years ago. All was well in the beginning, but I had several insecurities that kept creeping up and bothering the relationship. Eventually, when she left for a semester to another country it became much harder to maintain the relationship. By February the relationship had ended. We maintained contact and it even felt like there was still attraction. As I learned later, I had begun to annoy her with neediness, clingy tendencies and all the other negative "wussy" behavior that can happen after a breakup.

By the time she had returned to the states she was not looking forward to seeing me. She did agree to see me though. I drove down to see her during the summer and things went fairly well in the beginning. Those old feelings of neediness crept up again. I hadn't dealt with them yet. By the end of my time visiting she was very upset with me. Only a few days later, when I was being indecisive about starting NC, she told me to "Just leave her alone".

I'd been away, absolutely no contact, for three (3) months. I was pretty sure that I had gotten over her by now. So I took the chance and made one of my first moves to introduce myself into her life. I went to a dance I know we both like to attend. The plan was partly reliant on chance, but I knew she would go to one sooner or later.

That first meeting, we didn't talk and we didn't dance together. I did talk with her friends and have a good time. The next day I added her back to my friends on face book. By the middle of the week I had called her and told her I'd like to meet for tea. In between then and the meeting we saw each other again at a Saturday dance. We waved hello and I asked her to dance during a set to which she replied "Certainly". After that dance I dipped and her she tried to dip me. Things were friendly from there. Now read the current status if you haven't already.

 

CURRENT PLAN

 

The plan as of now is to maintain LC. I will let her make the next move of contacting me. Knowing her busy schedule, it might be some time. After some LC I would like to see her again, possibly in a "date" fashion and see where that leads. Any thoughts from the board -- Which has been a tremendous help through this time -- would be appreciated on the past, present and future of these dealings.

 

Thank you for reading and have a pleasant evening.

[Convoluted]

You're walking on very thin ice.....

[Convoluted]

Sure. Rejection the second time around hurts much more then the first time. You're taking a huge risk going after her again....or you're just a glutton for punishment

[Marus]

I'd really like to hear other peoples opinions. I understand Convoluted's point of view. But isn't the forum about "Getting back together". I'm wonder if Convoluted has seen something in the information I didn't that increases the chance that I'll be rejected.

[spion_kop]

convoluted is right. The more you plan something out, the more you'll get disappointed if it fails. When dont you try to relax a bit. What if your ex is just trying to be friendly with you and maintain a friendship?

 

Plus if you're planning on winning her back you arent over her at all. I know this is a getting back together forum, but we're trying to prevent you with the heartache.

There are times where you take a risk and times when you dont.

 

My ex has contacted me consistently throughout my NC. It's been 6 months since i went NC. I replied last time around but i dont sit around waiting for a response. If she contacts me great, if not, my life isnt held by one person.

Why dont you try letting her make a couple of moves for a while because that MAY show if she is interested or not

[Marus]

Its true that in the 3 months she hadn't contacted me. I appreciate the help to prevent me from getting hurt again. Expecting a certain thing to happen is definitely really bad, but having a plan of action isn't so bad I would think.

 

There is a reason I chose to contact first. The ex in question has the tendency to hold back when someone is not talking to her:

 

Wondering how he's doing - haven't talked to him in quite a while. I don't want to bother, him, though, because I never know if it's going to be a horrible time to do so. Waiting until he feels like talking to me again.

 

But you are right, now that contact is established I should sit back and wait for her to contact me a few times here and there. Both of us are really kind of busy. And one last note of curiosity: She thanked me for the visit with no prompting.

 

In summary, I'm taking the advice Spion and laying back for a while. If she doesn't want to talk to me, I wont here from her and that is that.

[Convoluted]

If I may also add, try to open up your options some more. Before meeting with her again have someone else in the cards that you are interested in. This takes the pressure off you and the situation because if it turns out she's seeing someone new or whatever, then you are too and all is well.

[Marus]

A little update for everyone. I do have several other people that I am interested in and even a few dates. I'm not obsessed and fixated on my ex.

 

Now, she has contacted me twice of her own accord. Once was late night this past saturday for the briefest bit. The most recent was this evening, seeking comfort. I tried to work the situation correctly, but I don't know how well I did. The conversation turned to better things after a short while, but it was kept short and relatively sweet.

 

Now, we talked on the phone for a very short bit this evening and I'm not hearing anything in it that bolsters my cause. An excuse is that she was upset and looking for comfort. During the visit she was smiling and had a good tone. So there is not enough information otherwise. I'm just going to keep low and see what happens.

 

The only worry is that if I keep it low for too long, she'll just move on when I had the chance to ask her out. Not a big deal, but not the ideal outcome.

[Marus]

Yet another update. My ex has contacted me several times. The most recent was asking if I'd be at a local dance this weekend. Given the history between us and her recent actions I think there is something there. Would love some other people's thoughts.

[love_stinks]

You're walking on very thin ice.....

 

Ditto.

 

Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst.

[Marus]

I'll keep this topic up to date with the current happenings. I'm taking the advice to be careful and prepare for the worst. Recently she's definitely been contacting me more. Here's a small snippet I found particularly interesting.

Ex - we went home through [my old location] yesterday

Ex - guess who i thought about

 

Other than that, she's been showing some interest in my dealings and what not. She's the one to initiate contact during this new LC period. I'll probably catch a glimpse of her in two weeks at a dance. Otherwise there is no reason I would see her.