Four months later, we met

[bfla]

As I posted, Rachel and I have been in touch. We've been sharing a lot of lighthearted conversation that probably goes on a little too long. Mostly, it is online. We had one phone call two weeks ago.

 

A few days ago, Tuesday.... we were talking online for several hours -- it was rosh hashanah and schools were closed, so I was home but up early. She...well, she's always up early.

 

We talked for most of the morning just about this or that; at one point she said "uneventful morning" and I responded by saying "yeah, lets go get bagels." Probably because the idle chatter was getting repetitive.

 

Of course -- that flipped her switch and she then asked if she could ask me a question. She started dropping the "F" bomb like crazy... no not THAT one the other one.

 

 

 

...

 

This went on for a little longer.

 

At this point things felt pretty dire for me, I suppose, but I guess I did a good job of not oozing all over her.

 

I tried not to push her farther. I mentioned that things in my life are very different now, as am I, but didn't want to get into the whole "omg im different and changed" thing with her.

 

The astute reader will remember NM, my interesting friend who is a little nuts and who I trusted a little too much this summer regarding Rachel. Rachel has since turned to her as what seems to be a liaison back to the part of her life with me and my friends in it.

 

Rachel and NM made plans to go to the bookstore that night and catch up. (This was about 7 or 8 hours after we talked in the morning.) Far be it from me to want to use silly games and manipulation any more so than we ENAers claim we don't do...NM basically reinforced the idea of most of my changes though, so i can't hate her for it. I suspect that hearing some of that information coming out of someone else's mouth other than my own may have helped make it more legitimate.

 

NM told me that night that she told Rachel about how I had planned to take her away for a week for her 21st birthday (just like I told you guys that) -- this brought her to tears, she said her birthday ended up being very boring with her friends and Rebound Guy. NM said she was upset by the fact that my friends had suggested that I put her toys and pictures and such away (of course) -- apparently the sketch I bought for her birthday has been hanging in her room right over her headboard. Rachel was supposedly a little bit in disbelief about my new wardrobe choices and stuff (more later) and other things that NM passed on.

 

That night, when Rachel got home, she IMed me again (well, facebook chatted) and clarified what she had said that morning. She said she would like to be friends with no guarantees about anything else -- but that was certainly a change from "friends period forever" which it was that morning.

 

Friends said, and I agree, that it appears she may be uncertain as to what she wants right now.

 

We spoke online again the next few days. We'd been talking about a tea she discovered at the bookstore that she's been drinking the heck out of, and I mused that I'd have to try it. Eventually she said -- well, two friends can meet up for tea, can't they? I said I don't see why not.

 

We made plans to meet at the bookstore yesterday night at 8.

 

Well I immediately went into red alert, primped and preened for an hour etc.

 

Of course the meeting was awkward as hell. She looked just ridiculously beautiful and I didn't want to, and didn't, say that. I of course bought her infamous tea but I wasn't pushy about paying. (I did anyway though She seemed a little incredulous about my new clothes, they were pretty GAPpy and preppy, she didn't seem to buy into that real well but whatever. We talked a lot and she even verbally jabbed me a few times:

Her eyes are pretty difficult and she has had problems with them in the past but they are mostly better. But yesterday they were very dry and she was putting in tear drops all night. She said "you used to say I couldnt hurt my elbow because it was the only thing that wasnt broken.... my stomach was broken my eyes were broken etc etc" and she talked around that for a minute. "I guess I'm just broken huh."

 

"I never said you were broken, I said stuff was......jerk hehe" I said with a small smile on my face. I can tell she still harbors some pain from the fact that I was a bit of a sarcastic jerk back then (defense mechanism) and, as my shrink suggested, probably some pain from the fact that we did agree to break up. Even though I 'changed my mind' real fast...I guess I never thought too hard about what that might have done to her.

 

Well, we had nice conversations, were there for an hour and a half. It was awkward especially at the beginning and end -- there were no hugs or really any physical contact all night though I could tell neither of us were sure if we should go there yet.

 

When we got home -- she chatted to me as usual:

 

 

 

Looks like neither of us thought the night was particularly BAD.

 

I'm still, as usual, trying not to get my hopes up too far -- this could crash pretty hard, but...

at the same time, I have to say I'm feeling a little encouraged by the changes in her attitude from "friends forever, period" to "let's take it a day at a time" to "it was nice to see you so it was worth 3 cups of tea"...

 

Like I told her -- "just keep swimming" I guess. I'm out of town this weekend in Orlando to sing in a professional ensemble. Last time I was there I ended up at disney world buying her a birthday present. This time -- probably not. Hopefully she spends her weekend raving about how I awesome I was. Haha... just kidding.

[Hosvius]

Thats good you didn't try to rush into anything or bring up the "US" ordeal when you met up with her. That is crucial. It's def a step forward that she wants to be friends. Im not saying oh shes coming back or what ever. I assume you made the same mistake as I did in my relationship (you were a A$$HOLE) lol. I was lucky enough like you to have contact and try to repair. Just take baby steps bro. don't rush into anything. Keep doing what your doing, be friendly, talk, let her see the changes for her self dont push anything. Let her be the leader with this thing because after all she is in control. Seems like your doing a good job avoiding being the needy/please come back type of guy. I think if you stay on the track you are on and limit your self from that B.S you will have some good results. She has to see you changed bro. So make it count.

 

good luck man

 

-Hos

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If I recall she is no longer with rebound guy? Take things slowly, don't push...over time your changes will be revealed..let her fall back in love with you slowly as she sees the changes unfold. There are no guarantees that she will want to move this beyond friendship, but only time will tell. She certainly has a soft spot for you and is probably afraid of getting hurt again, that is why she is being very cautious.

[Sparkie]

I agree. The hardest thing in the world is to go slow and not push it forwards. If you meet a again, same again. Resist with all your might to ask 'so do you think if we were friends for a while, there might still be a chance?' Don't tell her about your changes, just let them be revealed. Dare I say good news man. Certainly better news, at the very least!

[bfla]

If I recall she is no longer with rebound guy? Take things slowly, don't push...over time your changes will be revealed..let her fall back in love with you slowly as she sees the changes unfold. There are no guarantees that she will want to move this beyond friendship, but only time will tell. She certainly has a soft spot for you and is probably afraid of getting hurt again, that is why she is being very cautious.

 

Yes they broke up about 2-3 weeks ago. She talked to NM about that a little too but I dont know much about it. She's pretty aware that she rushed into it probably a little too fast.

 

Re her soft spot etc....Yeah, I am sure she is afraid of that based on certain things she's revealed...

I find it almost funny because, after all I have been through with this -- all I want to do is spoil the hell out of her until the end of time...lol

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes they broke up about 2-3 weeks ago. She talked to NM about that a little too but I dont know much about it. She's pretty aware that she rushed into it probably a little too fast.

 

Re her soft spot etc....Yeah, I am sure she is afraid of that based on certain things she's revealed...

I find it almost funny because, after all I have been through with this -- all I want to do is spoil the hell out of her until the end of time...lol

 

Perhaps in time you will have the chance...but just go slow and let things unfold as they are meant to be.