Unhappy with myself..

[radiotone]

i'm such a complicated person.

sometimes it really gets to me. even now i feel like i'm just making things WAY too complicated for myself but i don't know. i just need to let it out.

 

i'm not a confident person at all. at least not right now. i feel no confidence in my writings, in myself and in anything. and i feel my girlfriend needs a confident person. and i just can't pull it off. i'm trying

 

i'm just so lost with myself. i feel everything i want to do is what i shouldn't do. i'm afraid of myself. there's just so many conclusions i can jump to, i just don't want to face them.

 

i have this friend. she's really a nice person. we've been friends for awhile now. she thinks i'm her best friend. and it makes me feel really good. good to know i'm useful in some sense of that. she's a kind-hearted person who just gets lost in a lot of things. she's 15 and i'm 17. yeah i know she's young and she's got a lot to learn about everything. but she has her head screwed in the right way and she's going to be okay with everything. i don't know why i'm telling you all this, it's just everytime i talk to her, i feel so guilty.

 

cause my girlfriend would be totally mad if she found out. i've lied to her about this friend of mine before. i admit, the first time i met this friend of mine, i grew a crush on her but obviously it would never work out. yet i just can't stop talking to her. i mean a lot to her. and we're just good friends. but my girlfriend can't understand that. and i don't blame her. i only like that friend of mine as a friend. nothing more. yet i feel so guilty. this friend of mine is a really cool person. always fun to talk to and we always jokenly make plans with eachother as friends. to just hang out and have fun. i want to tell this friend of mine about how much this friendship i have with her means a lot to me but i'm afraid she'll think i'm developing feelings for her. i talk to her about my girlfriend a lot and obviously she knows we have problems.

 

i love my girlfriend. she's just.. perfect to me. the ONLY main problem between us is my guiltiness. her inability to understand the simple things because she's afraid. this is a big difference to us. and i don't want to lose her at all. she's mean a lot to me. it's just i can't comfortably enjoy talking to her unless this guilty feeling goes away.

 

i just don't know what to do.

 

i thought all of it would go away, but i know it's making me worry easily about a lot of things. becoming less confident in myself and hating myself so much. i'm just lost. in everything. in being myself. i change myself to make everyone happy. i don't care about myself. and when i know it's hurting me, i still won't face it. i don't know from right to wrong. my girlfriend can put things so easily to me like it makes a lot of sense to me. she wants me to be myself but i'm always afraid of telling her "oh i like this". i don't know. i really don't

 

can anybody understand this?

[Frodo Baggins]

Hmm, the best thing you can do is pull back on the friendship with that other girl. It's really the best thing you can do for the three of you, because as far as she's concerned, she's being a really good friend to you and I doubt she has any idea she's causing problems between you and your girlfriend. Now, I'm not saying you should end the friendship with her, just scale it back a bit to where your girlfriend is comfortable. As long as you make it known you want to keep her as a friend, meaning neither of you can afford to be as close when you're in a relationship, she'll understand. The friendship won't end, only change.

 

True, she'll probably be hurt for a little while, but it'll pass because she'll she hasn't lost you. It's good for her as well because by scaling back, she'll gain perspective into the relationship between you and her. She'll realize that you don't think of her in "that way," and spare her some truly serious pain; tell her that you still want her as a friend, but your relationship won't let you be as close as you've been before. She'll understand as long as you're considerate of her feelings

[revdeluka]

hey i dont really know to what extent your problem is but i feel the same way about myself sometimes. you say[i'm not a confident person at all. at least not right now]. well from what i can see is that you have some optimism in you. theres a lot of hope for you. you said you have a problem at the time but then showed some hope that things can change. and i think you should know that having a girl friend shows that you are confident because being in a relationship takes some responsibility and you were confident enough to take that responsibility. i know it is hard for you to focus on your positive side but try everyday to think positively even if you know the situation to be other wise.

[Kadillac]

I think the best thing for you to do is be honest with your girlfriend. You are feeling guilty and less confident because you are keeping this from her. You see even though nothing is going on besides a friendship with this girl, now that you have kept it from her for this long when you tell her about it now she is going to wonder why you didn't tell her in the beginning and think that you are hiding something. If you decide you want to keep the friendship with this girl, which I think you should, if you hide it from your girlfriend, even if you back off and don't hang out with her as much and so on, eventually your g/f is going to find out and if she finds out herself and not through you she will loose trust in you for sure.

 

If your g/f doesn't understand the friendship then include her in the friendship. Tell her there is nothing you have to hide and she can hang out with you guys. If she is open to that then she will see for herself that there is nothing going on with the two of you. And maybe become friends with this girl as well, you never know. But if you do this your confidence will return. The only thing that you are doing wrong is hiding this from her.