bullied for being attractive.so depressed.pls help

[water_baby]

hello, i am 21 years old and in university.

i really did think by the time people got to this age they grow up and stop acting like gossiping children but they dont. the problem i have is people that dont even no me talk about me. i cant go anywhere in uni with out getting girls giving me evil looks. i am told i get this because people think i love myself and i think i'm sexy etc. there are rumours going around that i have fake boobs and i am a porn star. none of this is true. when i met people for the first time they are surprised that i am nice and down to earth because they always assume that i think i am too good for people. i can not help the way that i was made. i have a very small frame but naturally big boobs. my hair is very long, and i am naturally thin. i am a mix of south american, irish, guyanese. because of this mix i look different. i dont know what to do. i am so self conscious. i feel like i hate myself.why cnat people be different and not hate people for no reason. i dont go out much anymore and all though people think i am happy i can't take it anymore. please help me. what can i do. all i want to do is make friends.

p.s i don't dress in a way that would explain for all gossiping.

[vfunkera]

hey water_baby,

 

God i feel sorry for you. I mean everyone would like to look that attractive naturally, but as you have just pointed out, it does have its cons. I think you said that you hated yourself somewhere in there. That must be bad if your as attractive as you sound. A case of 'Me against the world'.

 

I would have thought people our age+ would grow up, but they obviously don't. Today at work a 35 year old full-time co-worker was annoyed and being childish with me (silly comments and taking every opportunity to criticise me) because he wasn't happy about a 21 year old part time guy supervising him. My dad isn't talking to me at the moment, and i find it very childish.

 

OK, firstly jealous ones envy. Pure and simple. These rumours are going round and people are giving dirty looks because they are simply jealous, and as you know, girls are in competition with each other. When you're on top theres envy, so its expected. But girl your situation is EVIL.

 

I find it hard to believe that you don't have any friends at all. No boyfriend, guys, no girls nothing? What about room mates (if you ain't living at home)? What about your classes and lectuars? If still not then girl you have to get out there and find friends. I know many of them already have an incorrect pre-assumption view of your character, but as you said,

 

when i met people for the first time they are surprised that i am nice and down to earth because they always assume that i think i am too good for people.

 

You can only continue to be yourself, down to earth and the really really nice person you seem to be on this post. Your right, you can't change your genes, even for the worst. If people can't take you for who you are then they are not worth even being considered as friends. And as you have said, they seem to be in the majority in your uni. All you've got to do is 'get around' more and show your true self. Don't let this pressure and evil stop you making friends. And what ever you do, don't ever change, keep your essense. You have the knowledge that when going into a conversation, people will have a false idea about you. Be yourself, and if they aren't stubborn, they will begin to question their pre-judgement and the truth in these 'rumours', as 'tests' have proven in your quote.

 

Good luck, and keep me and us posted

[VickiRose]

I can kinda relate to your situation... Girls get intimidated by beautiful girls... I have no idea why this is... I have experienced a simliar case at my university... Just a simple smile can ease the tension. But sometimes your just going to have let the things said go in one ear and out the other... For me it is easier to hang around the guys, just as friends.. Also, who cares if they don't like you for the way you look. All that matters is that you like yourself right?

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey

 

Everyone's basically covered a lot of things so I'll keep it short coz I don't have much to expand on.

 

Just be happy that you're being bullied for good looks instead of bad and don't worry about the ppl who bully you, obviously they dont' know the real you and they dont' want to. Those are the people who aren't worth it.

 

Happy heb

[water_baby]

thank you everybody.

in my first year of uni i was so naive. i was really nice to everybody and made friends but the friends i made talked about me behind my back and was too faced. one of the girls i was really close to was the cause of the break up of my boyfriend and secreatly told people i must have had plastic surgery. i do have a few friends but they are not really close, the people that i talk to are mature students 35+, they are so nice but they are not that interested in doing uni things, clubbing etc. i wish i was more confident and really try to be positive but i find that type of thing hard to do when i feel this low . i am going to keep my head up. i have to try and ignore the comments at uni. i suppose you just always think when u grow up people are going to be like this or that and then you get there and its not what you expectd.thank you again for all the positive comments , they are really appreciate it.

[DiglyD]

Hi Water_baby...

 

I'm a guy but I wanted to share my thoughts with you also....

 

I have a similar situation but its not as bad as yours and I am older and being a guy I don't care as much as I would have if I were a girl. I'm 29 btw.

 

Anyway, I used to have all these friends who were single who would always love to hang out with me and go to clubs. This was while I was in a 3 year relationship with a wonderful and beautiful woman. When we went out I would always talke my girlfriend with me. Three months ago we broke up, and I moved to another city where most of my friends are. The first month they all wanted to take me out and make me feel better about the breakup. But the second month a few of my friends started being really rude and almost hateful everytime we went out toward me, including my best friend who I had known for over 10 years. After a while they would talk crap about me in-front of girls to try to make me look bad. Later on some of my friends stopped calling me, and my best friend called me up and said that he does not want to hang out with me anymore because I am "competition" and he can't hook up with any girls so its better if we don't hang out anymore, and that as a group they decidd that I should not be going clubbing with them. I guess some of my other friends felt the same way. ALmost everyone I used to be friends with decided they don't like me anymore after they noticed that when we go out I attracted all the girls. My ex used to tell me that I was hot but I always thought that she said that because she was in love with me. I consider myself fairly attractive, but I never thought that it was going to cost me my friends. Stupid people.

 

I remember I had a job once and came in a did such good and quick work (becasue it was just naturally easy for me) I made everyone who was lazy and used to doing minimal work look really bad. For 6 months they did everything in their power to get rid of me instead of working a little harder. Finally they succeeded by spreading rumors, and set me up to fall. Life sometime sucks when you outshine the ordinary.

 

I learned that people hate that which they envy. They hate those who they cannot compete with, those who they feel got a break in life. But what they don't understand is that there are no breaks in life and the people that seem better have their own issues to solve.

 

Here is another example....I know a guy who is 24 and makes on average $450,000 in half a year by playing poker, and investing his winnings into the stock market. I mean the guy is a genius. But he also spends 14 hours a day infront of his computer researching these very obscure companies in which he invests. He works hard. Yet he has no friends, except me. Everyone who meets him instantly hates him because he does not supposedly "work like everyone else". They all think he is cheating in life and he should not do it, and that he should work hard and long like everyone else. They hate his intelligence and financial savyy. They are nice to his face but the moment he leaves they spread rumors, or say how much they hate him becasue his life is easy, and because he is rich. Trust me his life is not easy. The guy has serious issues. But people are like this. They cannot accept that others can succeed where they cannot. This is why famous and successful people are always surrounded by allegations and gossip.

 

The point I am trying to make is that this unfortunately is the darker side of human nature and you got a taste of it. It does not matter whether you are beautiful, if you are wealthy, if you are foreign, or if you are smarter then everyone else. People will always hate that which is different, because they do not know how to deal with it. The only way to overcome this is to be strong, grow a tough skin, and not let them get to you. Their opinion does not matter. The worse thing you can do is let it get to you. The worse thing you can do is react to it. Just live your life like they don't even exist. Show them that it does not bother you. Don't give them any fuel for the fire. Eventually they will tire of it and either quit of look for another way to get ot you. Being different always sucks. People don't like different. It scares them. When they are around someone different they do not know how to react so they lash out and try to hurt them.

 

Listen don't hate yourself, and don't hate who you are. You are a beautiful woman with a whole life ahead of her. Like you said you did not get to choose how you were made. You were gifted with a beautiful body, and I am sure a very attractive face. The other girls are very jealous of you. A group of girls is all smiles and manners until a more beautiful girl steps among them. You outshine them instantly. They shrivel and become ordinary in your presense. You steal their spotlight and for that they hate you. They can't compete so the only thing they know how to do is try to destroy you. They are scared that all the men will worship you and not them. Since you are "exotic" in their eyes you make them plain, and unatractive. It might not be true but this is what they probably think.

 

But that is immaturity and ignorance. The sad thing is that its not just among the youth. College does not change things....when you graduate you might face similar circumstances at work. like I mentioned before, you have also gotten a small taste of how many people are in the world. They hate what they cannot have, and disdain those who achieved much in life. This is why the old saying goes, that life at the top is usually very lonely. You must not let what is happening get to you, and you must ignore them. Keep your morals, and your good personality. Don't lower yourself to their level. Learn and realize that this is how some people are and you will face similar situations all your life whether you succeed in beauty or in finance and wealth. The key is how you react to it and how you go about your life. Stay confident and believe in your self. Don't play their games. In a few years they will be nothing but memories. If someone truly wants to find out about you they will talk to you, and they will see you for who you are regardless of what rumors are flying around.

 

The good news and something that you must focus on and look forward to is that eventually you will find a small group of people who will cherish who you are and truly appreciate you. The ywill become your most closest friends and remain with you for your entire life. You will also find a man who will love you and accept you completely for your looks and you intelligence as well as your personality. So don't worry...you are only 21. You are very young. True friends and true love will come your way. Just be strong. You just started, so don't give up on yourself, and be greateful for the gifts that were given to you.

 

I know you are frustrated. I know that you are self conscious because of this. Don't let this ruin your confidence. Find friends who cherish you for who you are and respect you. Surround yourself with good people, and find yourself someone who will love you so that you will feel happy and not angry about your looks. Keep going out. Meet people. Meet good people. You can try finding some guy friends since they will be more accepting of your looks but that might pose its own set of problems. They will be around you in the hopes of one day sleeping with you, unless you find some friends who are gay. Once you land a boyfriend, most of those guy friends will disappear until you break up with the guy. But regardless, you need to meet some people, and don't do what you are doing. Don't lock yourself in and be depressed, and frustrated.

 

Try your best to stick it out and in a year or 2 you will have this behind you. Stay active, and keep busy. Try a new hobby, or after school activity outside of school, maybe you will meet some real friends there.

 

When you are feeling down do some writing about how you feel, it tends to help ease the frustration. Start a journal. I know this sounds cheesy but it does help. Go to the ygym maybe, just stay busy and fit. Keep your schedule full. The more things you do the less these people will matter to you.

 

Your other solution might be to find a boyfriend. When you get a guy you will be taken so you will be seen as less of a problem in the other girls' eyes, since you will not be competing with them. Just make sure you find a guy who loves you instead of some guy who only wants to get into your pants.

 

hope this helps

[water_baby]

thanks madcat619 for taking the time out to reply to me. you gave me a lot of advice which i am definitly going to use. a boyfriend would be nice but as you said it is hard to know you is genuine and who just wants to just get me into bed.

thanks again. much appreciated.

water_baby

[squirrley]

Ok i'm in high school....and i dont see my self as really attractive, but i know how you feel towards the girls being total bias. They do it to me 2! I would have to agree with a person that posted a reply to you, I hang out with the guys because they really are more understanding than the girls and they dont really judge you by appearance once they get to know ya! So hang with the guys and let the other girls stare! sure it might make them more jealous b/c you have the guys....but having the guys on ur side can be 2 your advantage!

[water_baby]

its nice to here that there are people in the same situation as me. i know what you mean, i dont really see myself as that attractive. i really didn't used to think about that type of thing because it weas not inportant to me.that would be a great idea, but the boys in this university are like a big pack of horney dogs. it would be nice to gjave some more male friends. all of my really close ones are miles away in my home town. i hope them silly girls dont get to you too much.thanks for the advice.

water_baby

[precious23]

Water babe , I read your article and it really touched me .Instantly, I decided to join enotalone in order to post my reply.

 

There are 15 Things You Probably

Never Knew or Thought About

 

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

 

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

 

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

 

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

 

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

 

6. You mean the world to someone.

 

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

 

8. You are special and unique.

 

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

 

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

 

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

 

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

 

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

 

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

 

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

 

You really need to understand what all the above mean and then take confidence in ursef.One thing u must agree is that you are a being and people around must talk either positively or negatively about you.This portrays that you are living and there is/are something special about you.Since you mentioned and believe you are a good girl in contrast to wat those girls think you are,you just need to maintained being good.Dont even bother urself about those people but try to be more of an extrovert.Make new friends and show them the good person you are.ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN VOICE, I hope you are aware of that .Finally, you just know that some girls are too jealous maybe the other is more beautiful that they are.They become jealous for nothing and try the best they can to spoil the persons image and personality.If you do think you are attractive, use it for good and not for link removed`s a free gift from God and the glory goes back to God for moulding you in the way you are.

 

Best of luck

[water_baby]

thank you so much. i read what you wrote and it really put things into perspective. i have pm you. thanks a lot

waterbaby