Am I stupid or crazy or what? Long post sorry.

[LonelyGirl]

Hi all...I've posted here before. Now I'm back. Long story short...My bf had "seen" another woman about a year ago and supposedly did not have sex with her but that was his intention. I found out and have been spending the past year or more getting over it and finding that I still have a long way to go in trusting him. Mainly because he still lies about the stupidest things and likes to frequent strip clubs more than we have sex. We have sex almost less than once a month. We've only been together for over 4 years yet we have a sex life that probably compares to someone much older! He has no answer for me when I ask about it. He even says I'm overreacting when I worry about it. Most people I know at this point are still having sex weekly. Makes me feel pathetic and unsure. The other night he even called me by HER name while we were watching tv (the girl he saw a year ago behind my back). I didn't flip out but it did bother me. I asked him about it today and I said it bothered me and he just said that it didn't mean anything. Yeah, okay maybe it didn't mean anything but put yourself in my shoes. It meant something to be called some other womans name...Especially to be called her name. It hurts. Then today when he's at work he calls me to tell me he'll be late (it's a weekly habit, too). Then he says he can't keep talking because he's at lunch and he's got "company" and he doesn't say who. I know it might be stupid but in my situation I can't help but wonder. There are days when he seems in love with me and then there are times when I have damn clue. We live together and I think that's one reason I worked to keep together. I don't want to leave him but I also don't want to think that how I feel now may last a long time. It hurts and is so stressful. I can't move out and right now couldn't afford to kick him out. I do love him. I wish I could just switch off that emotion. Then turn it on again when I want to. That way I wouldn't be the one waiting for him at home. I could go out and do whatever I wanted. I gave up a lot for him. I don't think he realizes exactly what he has. I may not be perfect but I don't think there are many other women out there would accept him for who he is and stay with him after what he's done. Yet, this is not something I think he realizes just yet. I also know that I can't break up with him and have it knock sense into him. He says that if we break up that's it and that there would be no point in trying to win me back if it gets to that point. So I can't even do that to scare him. I don't want to find out if he's bluffing or not. I'm in between a rock and a hard place. I thought I didn't know what to do a little while ago...now I'm even more at a loss.

[enadevoli]

I know you love him, but look at what he's doing to you. Hes lying & he even cheated on you. Don't you feel that you deserve better than that?? You shouldn't be dealing with what you are dealing with. Obviously its bothering you very much because you don't know what your boyfriend is doing behind your back. No relationship will work in the long run if theres no trust. I understand that it is hard for you to trust him because of the way he's acting lately. From what you have posted, it seems to me that he can't be trusted. You need to think about your feelings here. Are you completely happy? If you do think that he's not worth your time anymore, then maybe you could move in with a friend, or a family member? My advice to you is just look at your situation & think about how you feel, like do you think that he doesn't derserve you?

[MollyElise]

It sounds to me like you feel like your boyfriend is being disrespectful towards you all the way around. Why do you want to be in a relationship with this man? If the answer is "love" you may want to seriously think about your personal definition of love. I think that the two biggest things that make up love are respect and trust. Does your boyfriend fulfill your ideas of love?

 

Also please remember that your bf cannot make you unhappy without you allowing him to. You are the only one who has control over your life.

 

Good luck! And remember that you are not alone!

[QTpie87]

holy mother! are you playing, only once a month. why? you need to ask yourself something, does he really love you. he is going to strip clubs often and crap. well im sorry but you also need to ask yourself. is this guy worth it? do you really love someone who would ralther go to a strip club then spend his time with you? maybe you guys could work this out if there is really love in it, but man you need to talk to him. if he loves you then he will sit down and talk to you about this. i think that it is so wrong to be dating someone and be doing porny stuff like strip clubs. go talk to him. hey and private message me if you need anything, Questions, to talk, whatever.

Love ya,

Qtpie87