Pls analyze this ex situation - help me

[grieving]

Ok,

 

So I just talked to my ex (we broke up 2 months ago). We've had pretty regular email contact since then (1X week or so). He broke up with me under some very questionable cicumstances.

 

It was pleasant chit-chat and then finally I asked him how our transitional time was going. He said it was definitely transitional and tumultous and difficult and that he was on eggshells. He said that this transisiton is very difficult for him too but that he's committed to being close friends one day. He is very determined to keep being positive forces in each other's lives. He said that he looks forward to my emails.

 

I asked him if he was cautious (because he is very careful and guarded in his emails) because he worried about leading me on. I told him that I'm ok with the breakup and that he shouldn't feel guilty and that he should be as open with me as he needed to be.

 

(Of course, I do want us to get back together at some point, just not now. I can't gauge at all what he thinks about this and he said that maybe one day he'll change his mind, but that for now, there's no way he can continue a romantic relationship and that as far as he's concerned, this breakup is final.)

 

He agreed that it's right for us to not be together and that breaking up still feels like the right thing to do. Then he said that he is definitely cautious around me because he's defensive and protective of himself too, that this is still a really transitional and disorienting time for him. He wants to be careful about touching on raw nerves that he says are still very fresh for the both of us.

 

We ended the conversation on a funny and awkward note, when I said that I couldn't talk to him again for a while. He agreed that it was a little overwhelming talking to each other again and that we should continue emailing.

 

Um, what is happening here? How can my ex be this committed to being friends? Why is my ex so protective of himself, so guarded about his own heart if he's not hurting about this breakup too? And if he's hurting, why do we continue to stay apart instead of trying to reconcile somehow?

 

Help me understand someone, please?

 

Grieving

[uongy]

from your post,i gather that your ex is also hurting about the breakup as you are or were.although he believes it is right,he still mite and seem to be upset about it because of the feelings he obviously had for you during the relationship.these feelings dont just go away overnight(im also healing over a breakup).this is why he may seem unopen and protective.he seems to be hurting and maybe cotact with you is not allowing the wounds to heal quickly.he doesnt want to hurt himself again while he is healing.

 

my advice is to enable him to gather himself and sort himself out.dont push things or make him want you again.if he truly loves you then he will realise that he wants you.this may happen in due course.if he finds it too difficult to remain in contact,as hard as it is,you have to respect that.

hope i have helped!uongy.

[pudgy55]

hmm i dunno if i'm any help but i think you're sort of in the same shoes that i am in.

 

i'll give you the jist of my story and you can read my previous posts if you want to see if are similar or not. but bascially my bf and i went out for 4.5 years, and he broke up with me saying that he wants to be single right now or something like that. but we've talked recently about us and i've come to the conclusion that we still love each other, but it is best that we are broken up right now.

 

I would try to enforce the no contact rule between you guys if i were you. I caved in and called him a couple of times during our breakup and like the talks were civil and we were friendly and all...but it does nothing to confuss you. trust me i konw

 

i'll call him.. or talk to him.. realize that he still loves me wants to be friends with me.. *insert what your bf basically said*

basically you may not want to hear it.. but you guys simply can't be friends right now.. especially if you are stilling having hopes inside (like me) all the talking and stuff that you guys do will just lead yourself to nights of confusion and tons of over analyzing.

 

He's wants to be friends with you because he still loves you ( i mean you can't just break up with a person and just stop loving them over the course of a night) and most importantly, he wants to keep tabs on you. See if you are doing okay, if you are moving on and stuff like that.

 

I can't answer you why you're bf's not trying to reconcile somehow but i can tell you that i had the same question with my bf. We both knew the problem, saw it right in front of us and i was just waiting for him to realize that our love should be important enough for him to acknowledge the problem and try and work on it.

 

But he hasn't seen that yet.. maybe he has but he just doesn't think he can work on it. Maybe that's the same for your bf? Maybe he's still questioning about you guys breakup and he hasn't found answers within himself

 

i don't konw how much what i wrote has helped you. but i just thought that it was quite simliar to me my problem so i'd give my two cents. If you think we're similar go read up on my posts because some of the guys there gave some really helpful advice that helped me a lot.