wow. so i may just have a chance?

[QTpie87]

well, today i put everything my ex boyfriend ever gave me back into his locker and i just got put into his dance class. well he said he wanted to talk to me so while everyone was dancing we went and sat on the bleachers. well it prob. wasn't a very pretty sight for anyone watching us 'cause we were in a pretty big fight. well half way into our dicussion i was telling him about how that birth controle made me all phyco and how badly my ex hurt me. well and how badly i messed up and how bad i am sorry and still love him. well he was like you can't even be nice and i was all yes huh, im a lot better now, it's just i don't know how to act when im around you anymore expecialy when you act like you hate me. he told me he didn't hate me and i asked if i could just have a chance to show him that i was getting mentally better. he said the reason we broke up was because he couldn't take it anymore. well he says that he will start to hang out with me again and see how i act. so is he kind of giving me another chance to fix everything? it seems to me that sense he has only been dating the barbie for 1/2 a week and i think it is only rebound that maybe if everything goes well that he may be taking me back. well im a little confused has this happened to anyone here and turned out good. well thankyou fro all of your replys.

Love Qtpie87 8)

[QTpie87]

do you think that he might want to start over if things go well. it just is really weird he wanted nothing to do with me and now about a month later he wants to see if i have really gotten better and hang out. my mom said i wasn't alowed to see him anymore and she told him that over the phone but now he is calling my mom today to see if it would be okay if we hung out some time. this just blows my mind. i don't know what to think.

[klove66]

It is pretty obvious... you are pretty young. 1) Whatever birth control you are taking that makes you seriously sick needs to be adjusted by your Doctor(Get a checkup!) 2) This relationship is too young for you to be even considering sex. 3) The term you need most to learn and administer is "independence." Guys have more respect and love for a woman who tells them NO. Let him chase you for a few months or even year... Why? Because he does not SEE YOU for the wonderful individual I'm sure you are. Based on what you have disclosed. 4) Have fun... go out with your girlfriends, flirt with other guys, but don't commit to this dude... not yet. With a little patience you will understand why.

 

Good luck sweetie

[QTpie87]

no, hold up! i wasn't on the birthcontrole for sex. i have really bad periods that are not normal so my Dr. put me on them. we went out for 7 months before i was ever on it. he really loved me for me.

[akatoro]

Hey there, Qt.

I would pretty much agree with what has already been said.

 

Be strong and raise your own spirit, learn to be fully independent and stand up for yourself.

And about them pills. Certain birth control medication can have that effect on certain women and perhaps it is best to find a new pill, if not a new method. I don't want to worry you but BC-pills can cause thrombus and heart disease in the long run. Perhaps using a condom would be a better way to encounter things? That way you wouldn't feel as ill as when having taken BC-pills and you'd also teach your bf that if he wants to have a little fun - he'll have to contribute. If you are feeling weird due to the pills and he left because of that - let him know that you took those pills not only for your own sake but that you got stuck with the side-effects. He did not.

 

I would not let him have the "upper hand" just because he broke up with you. Perhaps I would be sure to let him know that a relationship was formed on equal terms. I know that it is hard since you seemingly really want him back.. But don't ever let anyone walk all over you and would you sometime find yourself feeling abused, don't hesitate to leave as quickly as possible.

 

I wish you all the best of luck and that the relationship works out in the best possible way. (And if you're on the pills for the sake of PMS, try acupuncture. It helped/helps for my ex)

[klove66]

Well that is good to hear. But that still does not address the fact he is dating or at least considering someone else. It has been my experience that people that are really serious about you don't just up and date other people. They take time to heal from relationship to relationship. In your case... it would benefit you more to just sit back... be patient and see what he does next concerning you. I know it is hard. But it is the only way you can really see his intensions. Make sure you have had a heart to heart discussion with him about what you are feeling and what he wants... if you have not had one already. Get it all out then. After that, be patient... wait and see his actions after that. And even if he does come back, work on becoming better friends before you advance any further in the relationship. Good Luck

[Ash]

First of all, I'm not sure how old you are myself, but whether this is a question of sex or not doesn't seem to me to be the issue at all. Would I be correct in seeing from your earlier posts that the primary reason for being on the type of birth control you are, is to control your monthly cycle? I know this is common for many women who are so irregular as to be a real nuisance. So yes, it's bound to have an effect on you. Your hormones are likely somewhat fighting with the ones in the pill, cause various things, like mood swings for example.

 

There is a very fine line between love and hate. The stronger the emotions of love, the easier it is to cross that line, not permanently mind you, but for the short term. This is why people in deep love can have such heated, horrible arguments, than fall back into one another's arms after things pass and be happier even than before. It's the strong emotional aspect of it. If you or he is unable to direct those strong emotions of love, then it's entirely possibly they flip into hate, hopefully just for a few minutes, or at most, a few days.

 

In a way, if he was completely detached, say "whatever", or "it doesn't matter" about various things, I think it would mean he was drifting away.

 

As for taking the break, yes, sometimes you do need a rest from strong emotions. I can guess that by times, even when you were close, you used to talk a lot about what it's and things like that. It can be taxing in a very odd way sometimes thinking that you always have to be showing feelings and emotions. Sometimes love is about just peacefully coexisting for a while, no need to discuss heavy emotional subjects, just enjoy one another's company and don't worry about the feelings side of it consciously. Did you do this much?

 

Some people are inherently independent, some aren't. Those that are truly independent don't always seem to need emotional input the way those of us who are strongly dependant do. I'm dependant myself, even though I'm male and 40. I can force myself to think I could be independent, but down inside it makes me unhappy.

 

He may have realized in even only a day or two that 'barbie' will never give him the depth of the emotion he felt with you. It;s hard to say. I doubt he's playing you, a player wouldn't get into an argument about it in my mind. I suspect somebody keeping you around for fun would be all sweetness and happiness around you, trying to actively win you back, rather than having a heated discussion about what went wrong, and how to fix it.

 

Have really good think about this. Perhaps even make a list of all the things involved, both good and bad, with and without him. I had a friend suggest I do this once, and it really helped me see things clearly. As other's have said, talk to your doc about the birth control, and more generally about how you feel your mood has been affected by that, and by other things. It's possible there is a true medical chemical imbalance, but if not, at least you'll have the peace of mind of knowing that there is nothing actually wrong, and that will give you the strength hopefully to deal with it yourself. If you moodiness is still persistent, and severe, perhaps you could see a counsellor. Or not even that. There is a concept called debriefing that people are advised to do when immersed in stressful situations. All a debriefing is, is talking to an understanding and compassionate person at the end of the day. They don't offer advice, they are just there to listen. This is something I try to do myself, although I've fallen down on it very bad as of late.

 

Anyway, have your think, make up your list. Don't dive back in with both feet at this point. In fact, I'd suggest you start out again almost like you did the first time. A few casual meetings. The odd date. Step up from there. This will give you both a chance to constantly reevaluate whether you think it will work again. And if it doesn't, at least you'll be at a point in the relationship where it might be easier to step away. What i mean is, when you first meet somebody, have a date, and it doesn't work, it's a lot easier to back down than if you've been together for ages. So, treat it like a new beginning in every way, if in fact you decide you would like to try again.

[QTpie87]

no no no no no! non of you understand. it was for my periods. we didn't do any of that until like the last few months and when we did he did use a condom. we were safe, but he knows that i am off of it and he also knows that i didn't start it because of him.

[FunGuy]

First of all you seem young, don't hang yourself onto this relationship. Don't force or beg anyone to be with you. Be mature and if you made a mistake admit it and if he doesn't accept it, then move on. I understand you make like this person, but there are more people out there, and you may find someone who acutally believes in you and understands when you go through things.

 

Don't lower yourself for a chance to be with anyone, they should be honored to be with you.

[lunatic]

Hi QtPie,

 

Long time haven't spoken to you. I read your post and I think as I told you in the past. Move on sweetie. This guy is a jerk because he doesn't see you as a person or equal. If he comes back he will probally only end up breaking your heart again. There are plenty of guys out there that would give their right leg to be with you... hypothetically of course. I think you are wasting your time on this one. No matter how old you are or where you are in life. Break ups really stink and they hurt badly. We have all been there and done that.

Do me a favor ok? Please consider the fact that he is dating someone else and he might be hanging around you for the sexual side. I hope not but I am a guy and I know exactly how young guys think. Remember I was there a while back. Dump this jerk.

If you are with someone who does not appriecaite you then you need to move on to find the next one who will. Being young and all doesn't mean that you should not be out on the dating scene. Just be careful and have fun. Remember that when a relationship is not fun anymore then it might be time to move on.

 

Good luck my dear.

 

Hubman