alone, SO sad, please HELP!!!!!!

[mick8888]

i'm hoping you can help me ... i recently broke up with my girlfriend of three years. actually, she broke up with me, just citing the usual old stuff that she's changed and doesn't feel as close to me as she used to and wants to see other people and find out what else is out there for her. she's 24 almost 25, and i am 31.

 

i've been through breakups before but this one has got me so so twisted around. the problem is that i moved all the way accross the country to be with her, and now i'm stuck here with absolutely no friends (since we spent all of our time together), and i've alienated most of my old friends from back home because of it. i don't know where i want to go or what i want to do, if i want to move back to where i'm from or give things a go here. and already she's moving on, starting to see other people while i am usually always just home alone being sad and depressed and not wanting to do anything. i go to the gym sometimes and that helps, but i can't even really get motivated to do that on a regular basis. i don't want to "join a club" or "go to a church" ... i just want to sleep, or lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. i work from home, i don't have a regular job so i'm just totally isolated all the time, i've gotten so used to it that the thought of going out and making friends terrifies me. i feel insecure, shy, unlikeable. i just dont know what to do with myself, i feel like my world is just so small and there's nothing out there for me, nothing that will make me feel better. i know it's probably temporary, like i said i've been through breakups, even ones that were longer relationships, but this one is the worst because i really *believed* in it, i thought we were really going to last because our connection was so special (that's what everyone says, right?).

 

how can i break out of this? i dont have the money to go see a therapist -- thats why i'm here, looking for advice from you guys. how can i bust out of the doldrums before they eat me alive? ANY help/suggestions you can offer would be amazing. thanks for reading.

[determined]

Mick

 

I feel for you as I'm in the same situation. My ex broke up with me and is now with some loser we were together 2 year and lived together and been split for 2.5 months. I have only recently broken contact as she still said she loved me, that one day we may be back together, all too vague and emotional for real closure and personal development.

 

However, you have to look at things like this. Everyone kept and keeps telling me we wont get back together which makes me very angry aswell as she is no good for me. I know her better than anyone else even her family. What you have to do is make a plan to get her back, even if you dont then you will at least be a stronger person to handle that consequence. Now if you were here would you want to be back with someone who was depressed, upset, needy etc. Well I'm all of those things but force myself, to laugh, go out, see girls I know I'm seeing just to take my mind off etc. These steps are crucial to emmitting a sense that you are a strong person, and guess what women are attracted by, strong people, not someone who is upset and reminds them of what they have done i.e. feeling guilty for causing you pain.

 

My advise is to start moving on with your life, to do so motivated by the ethos that you're not going to get back is too hard and unbearable, but to do so, so that you will be in a better position to reconcile is a much more positive force, and if it doesn't work out then hey you're at a stage where you can handle things better. Dont feel insecure (even though you will) dont feel unwated (even though that is what has happened) as you obviously had something to attract her in the first place, work towards getting back there with suped up additions.

 

I work for an advertising agency in London, I'm 22 my ex 21. I was really low and she left me for some loser who pushes trollies at a supermarket and loves drugs. Okay, she 's with him now and actually cheated on him with me, so that is something I smile about at night. Anyway, my point is I got off my arse, I went out met new people, got promoted, got a pay rise, booked travelling to Malaysia in the summer and ended the painful contact with her. Ok so if she contact me I'll reply, but with "I'm on top of the world". If it works then great if not then I'm sure something much better will cross my path. Hope I helped and pm me if you want more.

 

Stay strrong mate

[Boundaries]

60 minutes of intensive cardio is all you need.

[Boromir]

Wow. This sounds identical to what I went through twice with my ex, although I was much better prepared the second time around. All I can say is follow the advice people give you here, it does work. DO NOT CONTACT HER. It will throw you back WEEKS. Try to take one day at a time. I know you dont want to do anything, and for sometime I couldn't either. Eventually I came out of it, but what did help was making lists of things I needed to do and challenge myself to finish the list. It took a lot of energy just to clean the apartment, do bills, even go grocery shopping as I stopped eating.

 

Try calling some of your old friends. Many of mine moved or got married so the days of the 'going out with the boys' was gone in some aspects, but it is easier to meet new people when you are already out with a couple. I am sure many remember who for who you are and will hang out a bit.

 

Second, if you like any hobbies, especially fun ones, I would try to find some kind of club. I would expect you to become great friends with everyone, but you might find a couple and one good friend is worth 10 social friends.

 

Last, let me jsut say that it does get better. People will tell you that a lot and you might have a hard time seeing that, but I am an example of that. At 31 and my ex being 25, I thought we were on our way to getting married someday, and it didn't turn out like that. I thought I lost my whole future but the realization is that that wasn't my future. . . something/someone else is.

 

Keep your chin up. Don't hurt yourself. And go easy on yourself too. The thing that sometimes gets me by is that billions of people have gone through heartache and have gotten through it to live very happy lives with new loves. Plus as much as I can be sad about my situation, I have a job, my own place, a nice car, have never known hunger, and that is unfortunately a lot more than much of this world has, and they get through each day.

 

Also, stick with this forum. Read what others are writing. Not just those giving advice, but those who are asking too. You might find similar situations like yours. Best yet, you might find someone a week behind what u are going through, and giving them advice for how to get through that week will also make you more confident and stronger. Something your next girlfirend will be looking for.

 

Peace out.