People say you can't help who you are attracted to, but is this really true?

[madmarten]

People say all the time that they are only attracted to people who look a certain way, or posses certain characteristics. They say "I can't help who I am attracted to." We often hear this from people on ENA who are struggling in the dating the world.

 

But can people actually change this? Wouldn't it help peoples odds if they tried to consider more options and opportunties.

 

When I started dating my current gf, I was worried I wasn't attracted to her enough. But everytime I we went out I had a good time, and my attraction grew. Is it because I was kinda desperate at the time? That is kind of bad to think, but idk, if I had alot more choices maybe I would feel different?

 

Now though, I can't imagine being with out her, and where I would be if I let her go.

[Cognitive_Canine]

well, I for one have rarely ever had that attractive spark at the beginning. I always need time for them to grow on me.

 

But, whether that attraction develops or not really isn't up to me. : \

 

Life would be a lot easier if it was.

[redhearts]

You'd have a million soul mates if you just got along with everyone.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You'd have a million soul mates if you just got along with everyone.

 

it's true, Any two people could make it as long as they both continued to really try.

[jettison]

I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that I sigh and get pretty disappointed when the woman that I'm seemingly "crazy" about does something so patently unattractive that I lose crazy for her. I'm not talking about saying something stupid, or wearing an "Aged to Perfection" sweatshirt with a mustard stain on the front. I'm talking about things like acting racist toward her busboy, breaking out in tears at the makeup counter at Macy's because they've ran out of her shade of eye shadow, or pitching a huge fit at a party because she senses that she's not the center of attention.

[madmarten]

I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that I sigh and get pretty disappointed when the woman that I'm seemingly "crazy" about does something so patently unattractive that I lose crazy for her. I'm not talking about saying something stupid, or wearing an "Aged to Perfection" sweatshirt with a mustard stain on the front. I'm talking about things like acting racist toward her busboy, breaking out in tears at the makeup counter at Macy's because they've ran out of her shade of eye shadow, or pitching a huge fit at a party because she senses that she's not the center of attention.

 

My gf doesn't do ANY of these things.

[madmarten]

You'd have a million soul mates if you just got along with everyone.

 

Well its clear that everybody does not get along with everybody else.

[bijoux27]

In some ways we can....if we find we're slightly attracted to someone we definitely know won't be good for us, we could just cease contact. But I guess the initial stages of attraction are really UNcontrollable (like thinking someone is gorgeous, or sweet, etc.)

[Clementine orange]

I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that I sigh and get pretty disappointed when the woman that I'm seemingly "crazy" about does something so patently unattractive that I lose crazy for her. I'm not talking about saying something stupid, or wearing an "Aged to Perfection" sweatshirt with a mustard stain on the front. I'm talking about things like acting racist toward her busboy, breaking out in tears at the makeup counter at Macy's because they've ran out of her shade of eye shadow, or pitching a huge fit at a party because she senses that she's not the center of attention.

 

I know _exactly_ what you mean Jett, this has happened to me more than once. Then you walk home alone thinking and raging at the unfairness of it all and the damn feet of clay.

[JadedStar]

I think in some ways we can. Some people are very rigid and won't allow themselves to consider dating anyone outside of their ideal parimeters. Some will be more flexible and what they find is they end up finding people attractive they may not have prior.

 

I've done this myself. I rarely have dated anyone who knocked my socks off at first look. It was when i gave them a chance and got to know them, and went on a few dates first that i fell hard. Had i done like some and refused the date I would only have hurt myself in the long run.

[bostonbruins24]

I don't think we can control who we are physically attracted to but as others have mentioned attraction [in all respects] can grow over time. For me I can usually sense very quickly [the first meeting,often after the first few minutes of conversation]whether or not I would be compatible with someone.

[D_Lish]

I don't think we can control who we are physically attracted to either. However, sometimes people come along who we are not inititally attracted to, but they can grow on you.

 

I wasn't really physical attracted to my ex H when I first saw him....he just wasn't my type, lol. However, I gave him a chance and dated him because he was a real nice guy, had a great sense of humour and I remember that he'd paid me lots and lots of attention....he'd made me feel *cherished* and *wanted*, more than any other guy previous to him had actually....and I fell for him.

[desert_rose26]

I don't think we can control who we are physically attracted to but as others have mentioned attraction [in all respects] can grow over time. For me I can usually sense very quickly [the first meeting,often after the first few minutes of conversation]whether or not I would be compatible with someone.

 

That's freaky. I don't think I have met enough people in my life to have the experience to sum them up in the first few minutes of talking. It would be nice though...what i mean, is sometimes it's very obvious yes but other times, it's not so obvious..

[bostonbruins24]

That's freaky. I don't think I have met enough people in my life to have the experience to sum them up in the first few minutes of talking. It would be nice though...what i mean, is sometimes it's very obvious yes but other times, it's not so obvious..

I'm not sure it's a question of summing them up after a few minutes.As far as a long term commitment /relationship goes,in most cases I have been wrong. That is ,the individual in question might have worked for me for awhile but ultimately perhaps we weren't as compatible as I initially assessed.

[Dr]

Yes it is true. I'm only attracted to a certain type HOWEVER sometimes we do make exceptions. My current GF is nothing like the sort I'd normally like but in her own unique way shes beautiful and everything I could want from a woman.

 

I think what this question is really asking is do we all have our IDEAL member of the opposite sex?