Am I Being Let Down Gently?

[SincerelyYours]

I have a good friend of a year now, and I really...really like her. I haven't had the guts to tell her until recently, and we had our first date just a while ago. Now, I called about a second date, and the situation turned...not so great.

 

There's another guy who wants to be with her as well, and wants to date her exclusively when he comes back into town in late August.

 

I don't really consider "dating" exclusive until its the point where you know there's an attraction between both parties. I called her, and after a bit of small talk, I mentioned the first date, and she said she respects me too much to immediately say yes to a second date. Now, I'm not sure what this means. I mean, I don't mind fighting for her if I have to, and she gets to I guess "pick" between the two of us, but have I already lost the battle?

 

She's calling me in a few days to tell me her decision (this weekend she said), which actually only decides if she'll accept another date with me. If she picks the other guy, its exclusive, if she picks me, all she's signing up for is a second date.

 

I'm not sure what hte word "respect" means here. My heart was beating so it hurt while she was telling me this, and I'm not sure if I'm in over my head. I honestly can't imagine just being "friends" with her, and I've made it clear that its not a possibility to be just friends right after. Do I keep trying? Should I brace myself for the worst? The girl of my dreams right now is basically flipping a coin (at least to me) at whether I can be a possibility in her life.

 

Any advice? What is she trying to get at? Is she worth waiting for? :sad:

[Rammspieler]

Dude, this thing was doomed from the beginning! You were friend zoned a long time ago and she probably went out with you just to be nice. But if she is seriously considering on dating this guy "exclusively" while all you get is a vague promise of a second date then I say screw her. She never saw anything romantically interesting in you in the first place.

[LYC]

she said she respects me too much to immediately say yes to a second date.

 

Uhhh... If I enjoyed myself on a first date, I wouldnt hesitate a bit for the second date to be honest. Now, maybe there is something going on with her that she does like you but theres some reason that a second date isnt a good idea for right now, BUT honestly, it just sounds like she is doing exactly what the title of your post says.

[SincerelyYours]

Damn, this is going to be one of those sleepless nights.

 

I had tried so hard not to be friend-zoned. I mean, she said she needed a bit of time to consider what to say. If she says no to me, she knows she's committing herself to a guy, and she said she wasn't too sure if she wanted to do that just yet. I want the chance to make her see it as more than just friends, as someone that could be part of the her future.

 

I told her flat out, "don't let me down gently, just be honest." Now she has to think about it I guess. Ahh, its driving me insane.

 

Rammspieler, I'm seriously considering that. Just drop her. I just...its going to hurt knowing that it turned out the wrong way. Is this a false hope? She told me she wasn't trying to give me the run around, she just needed time to think. I mean, she knew the call was coming, and she was I guess...prepared to have an answer. I was completely shocked this happened, I had an entire date planned out, and this wasn't what I was expecting...

[orangesoda]

you got friendzoned a long time ago. honestly, you're young so i would take this as a lesson learned - don't try to be friends with a girl you have feelings for. spending time with them and getting to know them just kills the romantic spark. you're no longer mysterious or intriguing, you don't bring butterflies to their stomach, you're just...like the worn-out old clunker in the driveway. you're dependable, comfortable, secure. you're definitely not the brand new sportscar next door, that's exciting and unknown.

 

you should move on, and stop being so accessible.