sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 o everyone, I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years becasue i caught him cheating for the 3rd time, yep thats right the 3rd time. a little history of whats been going on.....I met him when i had just gotten out of high school i was only 18 at the time and he was supposedly 26. i met him at a motorcycle show and came to find out that he lived in the same complex as me...we hit it off great until i found out that he had a fiance approx. 3 months into getting to know each other. i told him right then and there that it wasn't going to work out for us. so i didn't hear from him for a while and then one day he calls me and i dont answer and he leaves a message saying that he cant stop thinking about me and that he kicked his fiance out and they are no longer together, ok seriously does he think im stupid i can leave the complex and still see that her truck is still there every night. DUH!! so i tell him this and he insists that she is out and they are done with..ok i will skip the very long drawn out part but needless to say we continue to talk for about a year and i have to deal with the ex and her getting her * * * * out and then he is confussed and yada yada....o i forgot one important thing he was with his fiance for about 13 years.....so finally after a year of dealing with nothing but drama we finally get together in july of 06.. so his bday is in january 07(from the story's point) and we had this big fight to where i slapt him in the face becasue he was dancing with another girl right in front of my eyes(mind you i am a very jealous person because he never made me feel like i was good enough for him) so we broke up and when we broke up he signed up to all these dating websites to meet other people which i didn't find out till like October time. then in late Feb. got back together. so then his sister comes down from penn. with her husband and 2 kids. so it was very uncomfortable because all there family new was his ex and the kids were small so they would call me by her name. it was one of the kids bday so we all went to the keys and on the way back his sister is sitting next to me talking to the ex trying to meet up with her so she could see the kids. so i told my bf that i don’t want him to go but he insisted on going.....so they went and had lunch while i stayed at the house waiting...so then we just had lots of fights from there on out all the time fighting....so like i said in October 07 I find out about all these websites which he continued to visit and talk to girls since Jan. so we broke up again and got back together for the 2nd time. Then in april around my birthday he goes and meets up with his friend who has a girl and she brings a friend and I find out that they were holding hands and later on she sends love letters to the house and so once again we break up… and get back to gether..so around jan 08 his friend comes down to visit and I caught him on the websites again wanting to meet up with the girls and stuff. So again I break up with him and get back together. So finally when the super bowl came around Feb 08 I get all the things to decorate and food EVERYTHING and I find out that he is still on those sites. So I leave and I don’t call or pick up his calls for a good 2 weeks and he is showing up to my house writing emails doing everything possible. So I take him back. Now my bday is april 5 and april 12 I found out again that he is cheating on these websites….i threw my hands up and said for sure this is it im done and I cant take it anymore. I knew I gave him plenty of chances and that that’s it . so again he shows up at my house emails, letters the whole nine yards. So one time when he just showed up at my house I told him off completely so he starts crying and saying sorry and yada yada. So stupid me takes him back. Now just this past Sunday the 12 of july 08 I go threw his phone and see all these texts like 42 of them saying o I miss you I have been thinking about you all day and all this stuff. So now since I have left he talks to her everyday and sees her and all this stuff. So I guess since I was just so used to him crying back to me that this time he isn’t and its officially over it hurts to know I was so stupid and actually gave him as many chances as I did. He was my first love and first heartbreak…….what I ask of you all is for words of encouragement and ideas on how to forget about him and how to turn the hurt into hate. Please don’t leave nasty comments or say how stupid I was because I know that already Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 My solution was to see my ex's profile on Match. We weren't together but he said we were working towards a relationship, umm hmm. That did it for me!!! I think you need to look into yourself and ask why you allow another individual to treat you so poorly. I think you're your own worst enemy!!!! Link to comment
sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 My solution was to see my ex's profile on Match. We weren't together but he said we were working towards a relationship, umm hmm. That did it for me!!! I think you need to look into yourself and ask why you allow another individual to treat you so poorly. I think you're your own worst enemy!!!! thats what alot of my family says that i need to find who i am as a person and love me because i do have a self esteem issue which everyone tells me im gorgeous but i just dont see what they see.....so i do need to find myself thank you for the response Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Hon, I think you need to love yourself and recognize you only deserve the best. This attitude will attract better quality men, if you respect yourself others will as well. Stay away from the creep!!!!! Link to comment
device04 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 First I think you need to completely shut off contact with him, although I realize this can be hard since I believe you probably still live in the same complex. I think I took this to an extreme as I eventually moved to a different city, but in any case. Second, you just need to find ways to fill your free time. Hang out more with your friends and family and let them remind you that you are wonderful and don't need someone else to define who you are as a person. Get a new hobby, maybe there's something you've wanted to learn for a long time but never did, or take a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go, just try new things and explore your surroundings/boundaries. I think it's true that you may be your own worst enemy, but you are on the right road by identifying that as a problem and wanting to fix it. It's a long, hard road coming back from a break up of any kind, but you are on the right track. Good luck! Link to comment
sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 Thank you guys. i can say that i haven't tried to call him or email him nothing but it is hard because i know he moved on so wuickly and has forgotten about me not even a day it took. when i left that sunday night he was on the phone for her. do you have any ideas on how to stay busy. hobbies now a days are expensive. i have my neighbor who has been keeping me very occupied which i love her for that she is great but i feel like sometimes im a burrden on her....any ideas Link to comment
device04 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 First of all, never feel like you are a burden. I learned from my breakup that true friends make themselves known in the hardest of times, be thankful (as you are) but never feel like you are burdening them. They do it because they care about you. I would suggest calling up friends and seeing if they want to have dinner (at your place, their place, out somewhere), go for a walk or drive (i know gas is expensive nowadays) somewhere. Or just take up exercising again, and try to find a friend who will do it with you. You can join a gym or just take up jogging/walking. Go see a movie or rent one with friends, a comedy to help lift your spirits. Continue to use this website even for support and more ideas. I know I wish I had found this place back during my breakup! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I think it depends on your interests. There many activities that are free, especially in the Summer. For instance: Monday I did salsa, Tues, was the Philharmonic in Central park and last night was meditation class-helps reduce the stress levels at these times. All of these things were free and attract interesting and normal people. Check out the listings within your own area and see what's going on. Link to comment
sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 I think it depends on your interests. There many activities that are free, especially in the Summer. For instance: Monday I did salsa, Tues, was the Philharmonic in Central park and last night was meditation class-helps reduce the stress levels at these times. All of these things were free and attract interesting and normal people. Check out the listings within your own area and see what's going on. was there a specific websit that you went to to see whats going on in my area. i live in miami fl so i know there has to be something going on. there is always things going on but i just dont know how to find them. Link to comment
sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 First of all, never feel like you are a burden. I learned from my breakup that true friends make themselves known in the hardest of times, be thankful (as you are) but never feel like you are burdening them. They do it because they care about you. I would suggest calling up friends and seeing if they want to have dinner (at your place, their place, out somewhere), go for a walk or drive (i know gas is expensive nowadays) somewhere. Or just take up exercising again, and try to find a friend who will do it with you. You can join a gym or just take up jogging/walking. Go see a movie or rent one with friends, a comedy to help lift your spirits. Continue to use this website even for support and more ideas. I know I wish I had found this place back during my breakup! i know i just did a search and found it. this site is filled with inspiring people and your average joes in a sense. its all real life problems and how each of us deal with things.... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 For the meditation and salsa I typed into Google: Free meditaion salsa classes Manhattan. As for the free concerts, I would probably do the same. Your city should have a website with all the activities that are being presented within the area. Play around with it b/c I would think that Miami would have a ton of stuff like NYC. Does Miami have a Timeout issue or something similar? Like Karmageddon I do volunteer work. I have made some amazing friends through these projects, plus you'll get the satisfaction that your contributing to the community. I really enjoy it! Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 In a city the size of Miami, they probably have all kinds of extention courses you can take. anything from dancing, to art, computers...etc... and they are usually pretty inexpensive. I like animals so I volunteer my time with rescues and local shelters. I go out with my girlfriends things like that. It doesn't have to be expensive. Link to comment
sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 For the meditation and salsa I typed into Google: Free meditaion salsa classes Manhattan. As for the free concerts, I would probably do the same. Your city should have a website with all the activities that are being presented within the area. Play around with it b/c I would think that Miami would have a ton of stuff like NYC. Does Miami have a Timeout issue or something similar? what do you mean by timeout issue Link to comment
device04 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I agree with the other posters. The internet is a powerful tool for finding local activities and events. Also, just be more aware when you are out in the city for posters and flyers about things happening. When I was living in Boston and San Francisco, I found out about a lot of neat happenings just by seeing stuff posted around town. A neat website I have used before is link removed, you can search by interests and city to find people near you who have similar interests. Link to comment
sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 I agree with the other posters. The internet is a powerful tool for finding local activities and events. Also, just be more aware when you are out in the city for posters and flyers about things happening. When I was living in Boston and San Francisco, I found out about a lot of neat happenings just by seeing stuff posted around town. A neat website I have used before is link removed, you can search by interests and city to find people near you who have similar interests. thanks for that one. i am going to look it up right now Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I have another friend who does link removed, that's how he found out about the free Salsa classes and other activities. I know Timeout is available in NYC and London, I think it has circulation in other US cities, could be wrong. The magazine lists all activities going on in your city: restaurant openings, museums, concerts, movies etc..... If it's not available in your area there will certainly be something similar. Check out your local magazine stand. Link to comment
sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 do you all work and what do you do becasue im a secretary and i just sit here and type and make copies answer the phone and its really hard to keep myself occupied and keeep my mind off of what happened how could i keep myself busy. and any tips on how to change my hurt into anger?? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Read a book. Does your company pay for any educational courses? For me it was the online profile. After that I realized that I couldn't believe a word he'd told me, it was enough! I can't tolerate betrayal!!! It's up to you! Link to comment
sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 Read a book. Does your company pay for any educational courses? For me it was the online profile. After that I realized that I couldn't believe a word he'd told me, it was enough! I can't tolerate betrayal!!! It's up to you! unfor. they dont but i am going into the police soon and maybe i could find something to read about that Link to comment
sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 o this im going to really need advise on. i get out of work at 430 and i have to go over to his house to get the rest of my things. now the thing is is he lives 30 min. away and he will be home by 615 and it doesn't leave me much time as well as his roommate addors me and is most likely going to want to talk about what has happened and i dont want to talk about because everytime i do talk about it i cry and i dot want to cry. today has been my strongest day and it seems like everytime i get strong and progress something tears me down. anything on how to be strong while i go over there to get my stuff and hopefully not run into him... Link to comment
tooth_fairy Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 i agree with everyone's comments. Once you start respecting yourself you will be able to meet people worth your time emotions, and you will feel better about yourself overall! You can go to link removed and go to the section corresponding to your city and find lots of activities that will keep you busy! good luck Link to comment
sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 i agree with everyone's comments. Once you start respecting yourself you will be able to meet people worth your time emotions, and you will feel better about yourself overall! You can go to link removed and go to the section corresponding to your city and find lots of activities that will keep you busy! good luck thank you so much i forgot all about craigslist Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Get in and out and don't chat with the roomate, they will understand. I think you're making this situation a little more difficult than it has to be. Link to comment
sweetypie87 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 Get in and out and don't chat with the roomate, they will understand. I think you're making this situation a little more difficult than it has to be. how is that. i want to get my stuff and be done with it. not have to see him talk to him nothing to do with him. i need to break every means of communication with him. i already deleted his numbers, email, etc. so i think im doing pretty good..... Link to comment
device04 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I would suggest that you not go over to get your stuff right now if there isn't anything essential that you need over there. If there is, I'd ask a friend to go over and get the stuff for you. The less contact you have with him in any form, for any reason, the better. If you must go, then I agree with Holly, just go and get the stuff and leave. Don't linger, don't chat. Link to comment
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