I'm not perfect

[Cats]

I do the best I can to do the right things around the house but sometimes I forget things. I also do some household things diffently than my husband would do. Sometimes I miss a spot when I do dishes or something

 

On forgetting: I might do a household chore and forget to put the paper towels away.

 

I might take off my muddy shoes on the patio and forget to clean them for a few days. (out of sight out of mind)

 

On doing different: I clean the kitchen when the meal is over. He cleans it up, with the exception of the dishes while he cooks. I figure if it gets cleaned in the end, what's the difference. I am not a real sloppy cooker. If something is spilled or falls on the floor, I clean it up. I just don't put the oil or something away right away

 

He does all the laundry because he never liked how I did it. Even though I have done my own laundry for years without a problem, before I knew him.

 

On missing a spot: I, like most people sometimes miss something while doing dishes by hand (we don't have a dishwasher yet). So he takes over the dishes so it can be "done right." He actually said he thinks I do dishes in cold water with no soap.

 

He calls me sloppy and complains that he has to do all the house work. (laundry, bathroom and dishes) I do plenty of other things he hasn't taken over. But he disregards all that.

 

I have gone in and "begged" to be allowed to do the dishes again. Once he stepped aside.

 

I don't want to have an argument every time I forget or miss something. I wish he would be more forgiving. I try to do my best but I can't be perfect. Any ideas?

[enadevoli]

your right when you say you are not perfect. no one is perfect. im not perfect either. we can't expect others to be perfect. he can't you to be perfect because no one is. those mistakes you have made that you posted are not horrible things. im sure that every one does things like that all the time. what might help you with your fergetting is try to make a list of all the things that you need to do, then when you do them check them off the list. it will help you not forget & its easy to do. you are only human & we do forget things, whether they are important or not. if your husband is giving you a hard time about it, just let him know that you realize that you are not perfect. there is completely nothing wrong with you just because you do things differently. about the dishes, if he lets you do them again, maybe you could wash them twice... that could help if you missed a spot in the first place. or maybe you could help him, like have him wash & you dry. he shouldn't complain about the laundry, if it gets done, then who cares how you do it? maybe you can each do your own laundry.

[dophar]

^^ i agree with that yes we are not perfect sometimes we all makes mistake and go oh shit but thats cool because we are all gods children ok bye now!!

 

Are you Jessica Simpson, by any chance?

[avman]

Hello Cats,

 

Well what you are describing to me sounds a lot like emotional abuse. Your husband seems awfully controlling and pretty quick to criticize. I hate to say it but "Sleeping with the Enemy" comes to my mind.

 

Of course none of us are perfect. In fact, all of us are FAR from perfect. As is your husband. I am curious whether he will admit that he has any faults. Marriage is about a partnership. And that sure doesn't sound like what is happening here.

 

Is there something else going on in your marriage? Has he hit you? Because he is sounding like the type to me. Please let us know. Or please PM me and I will try to help you.

 

avman

[The Morrigan]

Also sounds like he might have some obssessive or compulsive behavior going on - though I agree with Avman that this gets abusive, even inadvertently, because it leaves one party being "not good enough" and controlled. Not balanced or healthy. But it's a bit unusual for most guys to be THIS particular about the way housework is done - is he this way about everything, or are there specific things only?

 

Any chance you could talk him into going to counseling, even if you have to gritr your teeth and say you want to see if you have things you can work on in the marriage? (I know, it's a bitter pill to say it's you you want help with, but if it gets him in the door...

[MrKawabata]

I agree with Avman, marriage is a partnership and he is inflicting emotional abuse (he may not realise that he is hurting you though).

 

But I think I can understand his viewpoint. Why should he settle for mediocrity? Please note that I am not judging anybody, I'm just posing a rhetorical question.

[Jordan42]

Your situation is familiar. When it came to housework, my husband was not nearly as particular as I was. For example, he would clean the kitchen and I would end up cleaning it after he was done because it didn't meet my standards. I appreciated that he wanted to help, but at the same time it irked me. He told me that this hurt his feelings a lot because I basically told him he didn't do a good enough job and his efforts were wasted and unappreciated. I didn't realize it bothered him so much so eventually, I learned to stop caring so much and just told him how much I appreciated his help. I had my way of doing things and he had his way.

 

You need to make sure he knows how you feel. Explain it to him and ask him to summarize what you just told him. You also need to know how he feels and summarize back to him what he tells you. Once that is clear, see if you two can come to an agreement. Hopefully he will be willing to relax a little and maybe you can try to do things a little more his way. Meet in the middle as best you can.

 

I hope you two will be able to work something out. Good luck!!