Why doesn't any guy ask me out?

[daryalove]

Tinu,

 

I'm a doctoral student as well .... I admit that I do dress conservatively! Never show too much cleavage or legs ... But I dress sexy and classy!

 

Point well taken!

[ghost69]

i have no idea what hwp is, but you are this attractive girl working on a doctorate. ding ding. what you doing tonight? hehe.

 

well, if you made eye contact with me and i thought you were attractive, i'd approach you. i'd ask about the book you chose to sit down and read. just how i am. i don't get intimidated. i think that is what happens with these guys. you can reverse this and approach and ask about their book. then put your hand out, 'hi i'm dary.' go from there.

[Snoopy24]

Most guys I know aren't afraid to pick up a beautiful woman with some confidence.

 

Now I'm not saying this is you, but a lot of woman mistake being conceded/stuck up for confidence. -and most guys wont approach a girl they think is full of themselves.

[Gratsy]

Maybe they just view you as out of their league...

[Chillins99]

Your post in another thread is loaded with clues:

 

"Tinu,

 

You should NEVER pay if a guy asks you out! It is a dating rule in this culture ... period

 

and if he refuses to ... get rid of him ASAP! Buy your own coffee and tell him to get LOST! A guy with no manners is good for nothing! It just tells you how he will treat you in other aspects of the relationship!

 

A gentleman takes care of a woman he is with. My guy friends buy me coffee and even dinner sometime when we hang out!"

 

With that attitude and mindset, I'm surprised you ever get asked on second dates.

[BetterKarma]

I am a professional and going for my Masters. I think I'm relatively good looking but I also don't get asked out randomly at bookstores or grocery shops. I do get asked out at bars and flirted with else where though.

 

Its not about how "intimidated" you think they are of you or how "shy" they appear to be, it's more of the fact that they weren't that into you. I have seen painfully shy guys go through great lengths to get what they want.

 

You have to be approachable and give off enough signals that you are receptive of their advances. A lot of guys might see an attractive girl who's not giving off signals as a sign that they are already involved with someone else.

[ghost69]

i think the problem is a lot of these types of girls that wonder why they don't get approached is because they DO NOT look around and DO NOT look inviting. i see this all the time. girls with no rings, who are more than likely single, probably a hot girl that complains guys don't talk to her, etc. just doesn't look up. they are so into what they are doing they are oblivious to the world around them. they miss a lot of opportunity i'm sure.

 

does it stop me? usually not. but i see girls that are so busy into whatever they are doing i just go about my business. i mean, even if you girls DO have a bf, you don't have to flirt, but you can smile when i give a smile. and if i do hit on you, you can tell me you have a bf. it's not a big deal. it should be flattering. just pay attention sometimes. i think that is most of the problem for girls with this problem.

[BetterKarma]

Exactly! I always walk around with a smile on my face and say hi to everyone. But that's the type of person I am.

[Carmine]

Yeah, stop looking so pissed off all the time. It makes me feel like if I approach, you're gonna mace me

[sweetdslollipop]

i do pay attention...i pay attention to how no guys are looking at me. and if we do make eye contact, they just look away. i don't have a ring, and i'm not usually busy looking. but ok. i don't think this problem can be explained.

[daryalove]

Your post in another thread is loaded with clues:

 

"Tinu,

 

You should NEVER pay if a guy asks you out! It is a dating rule in this culture ... period

 

and if he refuses to ... get rid of him ASAP! Buy your own coffee and tell him to get LOST! A guy with no manners is good for nothing! It just tells you how he will treat you in other aspects of the relationship!

 

A gentleman takes care of a woman he is with. My guy friends buy me coffee and even dinner sometime when we hang out!"

 

With that attitude and mindset, I'm surprised you ever get asked on second dates.

Chillins,

 

I have never been on any first dates where guys have refused to pay or second and third dates for that matter. I even went on a couple of dates with a guy who offered a weekend getaway (which I refused to go on since I wasn't that into him) ... May be it's just me, "A gentleman takes care of the lady he is with"

 

If I have to open the door, pour myself drinks (if there is a bottle at the table), order my meal second and walk to my car alone ... We are done!

[Zeitgeist]

i do pay attention...i pay attention to how no guys are looking at me. and if we do make eye contact, they just look away. i don't have a ring, and i'm not usually busy looking. but ok. i don't think this problem can be explained.

 

Sure it can. The guys you have encountered are shy. See? Explained.

[Zeitgeist]

Chillins,

 

I have never been on any first dates where guys have refused to pay or second and third dates for that matter. I even went on a couple of dates with a guy who offered a weekend getaway (which I refused to go on since I wasn't that into him) ... May be it's just me, "A gentleman takes care of the lady he is with"

 

If I have to open the door, pour myself drinks (if there is a bottle at the table), order my meal second and walk to my car alone ... We are done! Maybe you should ease up on your rules a bit. No one's perfect, and as long as he is generally respectful, are you really going to dump a guy because he was nervous and forgot to open the door for you? I hope you're joking.

 

You know, this brings up an interesting point that I was discussing with a few of my women friends this last weekend (I was at a wedding). We were talking about how the feminist movement has gone too far in its quest for equality. It's gotten to the point that men have been trained to think that women literally want everything to be EXACTLY the same as men. But then women COMPLAIN when men DO treat them just like they would treat another guy. And also that you can't make a move on a woman unless she gives you explicit permission to do so. If you do, then you're being disrespectful. Thus, perhaps why there is a shortage of guys hitting on you and other women here who have complained about not being hit on often enough.

 

Don't get me wrong, I DO believe in equal rights when it comes to taxes, the law, jobs, etc. However, I also believe that men and women are fundamentally different, and it's about time that we start accepting that.

[Chillins99]

If I have to open the door, pour myself drinks (if there is a bottle at the table), order my meal second and walk to my car alone ... We are done!

 

LOL and you wonder why you are alone?

 

Newsflash: it's not 1955 anymore. Get with the times. And those guys who you "were done with" are lucky they didn't get stuck with you and you ridiculous, illogical dating rules. Someone in another post put it perfectly: many women pick and choose things that they want to preserve from way back when like guys paying for them, but in other areas women and men are equal. If you are equal, pay your own way. It's called using people, and you have no problems with it.

[StrawberryYogurt]

Chillins,

 

If I have to open the door, pour myself drinks (if there is a bottle at the table), order my meal second and walk to my car alone ... We are done!

 

Good luck with that attitude. I pity the fool.....

 

+1 for Chillins' last post.

[ghost69]

okay, you look around. but how do you look at the guys when they look away. i know people can just look naturally mean.

[LanceVanceDance]

If I have to open the door, pour myself drinks (if there is a bottle at the table), order my meal second and walk to my car alone ... We are done!

 

So basically you want the advantages a woman had in 1955, COMBINED with the advantages a woman has in 2008... Good luck with that.

 

Believe it or not but if you're as attractive as you claim, if you never get asked out, the problem probably stems from you... From your attitude perhaps?

[Gratsy]

So basically you want the advantages a woman had in 1955, COMBINED with the advantages a woman has in 2008... Good luck with that.

 

Believe it or not but if you're as attractive as you claim, if you never get asked out, the problem probably stems from you... From your attitude perhaps?

 

 

I disagree with this. There are men who are willing to respect you as a woman...they will hold doors and they are also very happy to see her doing what she wants e.g., being self sufficient, well educated. This is actually the sexist attitude that resents the leaps and bounds women have made and doesn't recognize cultural rituals. Different roles from tradition aren't necessarily lower roles in tradition...

[StrawberryYogurt]

I disagree with this. There are men who are willing to respect you as a woman......

 

I respect women (like my G/F) who don't put themselves first all or most of the time. Seems the OP puts herself first (eg, complainig about guys not paying on 2nd or 3rd date). Freeloader, she is.

 

Sometimes women (and men, too) are their own worst enemies.

[Godwin]

Someone asked my ex out in a shopping mall once. Just approached her and asked for her number.

 

It TOTALLY freaked her out.

 

In the UK its not really the done thing to be honest

[Gratsy]

I respect women (like my G/F) who don't put themselves first all or most of the time. Seems the OP puts herself first (eg, complainig about guys not paying on 2nd or 3rd date). Freeloader, she is.

 

Sometimes women (and men, too) are their own worst enemies.

 

I disagree. Men who put themselves first tend to be the type that complain about women putting themselves first...if you're busy not putting yourself first, you don't have time to point fingers.

 

Similar concept to "nice guys". THe ones who whine about being nice b/c they can't get women are usually not nice, but weak. Truly nice guys never whine about being nice because they are humble.

[StrawberryYogurt]

I disagree. Men who put themselves first tend to be the type that complain about women putting themselves first...if you're busy not putting yourself first, you don't have time to point fingers.

 

Similar concept to "nice guys". THe ones who whine about being nice b/c they can't get women are usually not nice, but weak. Truly nice guys never whine about being nice because they are humble.

 

Who said anything about "nice guys"? Point is, you are freeloading if you don't offer to pay on a 2nd or 3rd date. 1st date, too for that matter, but I can let that slide.

 

You want to be treated as equals? If so, step up to the plate (pun intended) and offer to pay your share.

 

Besides, ask my G/F. I sure as hell don't put myself first, but then she's earned that.

[Gratsy]

Who said anything about "nice guys"? Point is, you are freeloading if you don't offer to pay on a 2nd or 3rd date. 1st date, too for that matter, but I can let that slide.

 

You want to be treated as equals? If so, step up to the plate (pun intended) and offer to pay your share.

 

Besides, ask my G/F. I sure as hell don't put myself first, but then she's earned that.

 

How is that a point? It sounds like an unbased opinion to me. I'm not trying to be mean, but I've heard this before and I can recognize it for what it is.

Whatever...real men aren't about what women should "earn".

[JadedStar]

I don't think people typically get asked out all the time just out and about doing eveyrday things. People who hang out more at social places like bars or concerts, coffee houses etc get asked out mroe, but that quantity does not necessarily lead to quality. You might know a girl who gets asked out ten times to your one becuase she hangs out in bars, but the likelihood of those being quality dates are probably slim.

 

Getting asked out for multiple dates from your online endeavors is probably a better bet anyway because you get a chance to know a person at least a little bit more first.

[Superfreak]

Whatever...real men aren't about what women should "earn".

 

So "real men" treat women as charity cases?

 

All he's saying is a woman that makes no attempt to pay on later dates is a bit of a freeloader and being a freeloader is a very unattractive trait for most guys, even if it isn't for you.