a 17 year gap.....can we make it?

[ensign_19]

hi, i am a 20 year old female white female totally in love with my boss who is 37. He has totally reciprocated my feelings and we have been seeing each other for the past 3 months now. we have known each other for the past 4 years now and although he had liked me for ages i have only recently even noticed him, but the love has hit me hard.

 

I am so happy with him and although our age gap does not affect me at the moment I cant help thinking what effect it could have on our future (as i completely intend to stay with him for a long time) and I am also worried about other people's reaction to it (nobody knows about us yet) - as he is going through a divorce at the moment. it is a bit complicated, but we love each other. Im just worried and im not even sure about what. Please give your opinion on this matter, i will be grateful. Thanks.

[dessmos]

well, you certainly are not the only people to have a large age gap between the two of you. i knew a couple that had a thirteen year age gap. they had a great relasionship and i'm sure they still do as i have not seen them in a few years. in your case, if you really like him then go for it, make it work if you have to. remember tho if things take a turn for the worst then you are still young and have alot more opportunities for the worst. i can understand how you are confused tho. don't think to much into it. if you like him do something about it, don't worry about your age. there is nothing wrong with dating someone older then you as long as they love you back.

[Ash]

There will be some difficulties with an age gap this large. Maybe not the age directly, but the fact you are in different places in your life. Also, be aware that his feelings may well change when his divorce becomes final and/or he stops being your boss.

 

But if you really are set on making it work, then I'd suggest learning as much as you can in general about men his age, so you'll feel more comfortable with his viewpoints and way of thinking.

[Ebowski]

It seems like things are moving fast for the two of you, which is not a good thing. No, 17 years is not too bad, but you are only 20. I'm 21 and there is no way I could see myself in a serious relationship with a 37 year old.

 

There is just a maturity problem when you are so young. I am not telling you this as an insult, but you havn't experienced as much life as this guy has.

 

It may work out great for the two of you. I really hope it does. Buy you posting a message here after only three months with him is not a good sign.

 

Yes it can work. I have seen a monkey ride a unicycle, and after that, anything is possible. Take things a little slower. It bothers me when I see a girl my age winding up being used by an older man.

 

Believe me, I hope it does work out for you.

[ensign_19]

hi guys, thank you so much for all your replies. the effort and the advice you have given, i am very grateful for. it has certainly made me more aware of what i want. thank you so much again and have a great new year.

[Hey_Beautiful]

Welcome to the club, ensign! I'm 21. and I've been going through the same thing with my boyfriend, who is 39. It is so IMPORTANT to take things slow--I can't stress that enough. I think that the only reason that we have been so successful at getting through our feelings is that we have agreed that due to the circumstances of the relationship, we have to approach it very carefully...

 

It is so important to distinguish between your physical feelings and your mental outlook on the relationship. It is so easy to get caught up in the allure of dating someone older, and you have to make sure that that isn't what attracted you in the first place. You also have to be able to develop a really thick skin to absorb all of the judgements that people are going to have for you if you make your relationship public.

 

Can it work out for you? I don't see why not. If it's genuine and the feelings are real, the sky is the limit. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, and I'll even venture to say that unless someone else brings it up, age isn't even a factor in our relationship when we're together.

 

Good luck! Listen to your head, but give yourself room to follow your heart as well.

[chicago_dave]

Dear Ensign,

 

Your age difference is not as large as some, mine included. But dating your boss can bring other kinds of problems at work. I'd be very careful from that standpoint. Also, if he is going through a divorce, be VERY careful about your role during this time. If his wife knows about you, she needs to know you were not the reason for the divorce, assuming you weren't, of course.

 

Relax on the age difference. Be careful about work. Good luck

 

chicago_dave

[sidehop]

I thought I'd learn from my lesson when I dated a 33 year old back when I was 19. We dated for three years...we were really good to each other but as time passed by we realized both of us are going in a totally different direction. For me, I wanted to explore life, become a professional DJ, travel, etc while she wanted to settle down with a child between us.

 

Now in your situation I'm sure you're really great to each other. It's just down the road, things WILL change and that's when things may get difficult. You're still 20 so a lot of things will change by the time you're in your 30's.

 

I've noticed this also when I dated a woman who was 37...she used to work with me but there were a lot of differences. At the end I ended up hurting myself. It seems like by the time you get to your late 30's, people don't care as much...not in a bad way but they had a different outlook in life. I would take it slow...and really evaluate your feelings and what you want to do with your life. I just don't want you to get hurt like I did.

[LilOne1607306978]

I think its wether or not you are mature enough for him. I mean 17 years is a long time. 20/37. Thats a major diffrence. I think you should take advantge of your youth. It wont be here much longer. In ten years the age diffrence may not be such a big deal, but now, its major. People that are 20 are placed with the tag of a partier. Somone not ready to settle down. However, a man that is 37 needs to settle down and have children. This is the last couple of years he can really do that. I think that yall should end any realationship. But then again, that my opinion. Follow your heart.