wannabeboosted Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 not at a place to date others nor do I want to... Its been over a month since she left.. during this time it took me about a week to back out of the situation see what I wanted and I know its her... I actually didnt plan on going to see her today but she called and said she wanted to spend some time with me... overall the day went very well.. towards the end we had a little bit of a talk about how things were going where she was at and where she wanted to be... Right now she does not want to date anyone she wants to work on herself make sure that I am no longer confused about wanting a relationship with her and trust me a little more... which I expected... I told her that though I love spending time with her and kissing and holding her it hurts to know that we wont get back together anytime soon... I told her it had to stop... so after leaving when I got home she said she was sorry and that she wont hurt me anymore... I asked if this meant that she never wanted to give us a second chance... she said no it meant that she would not hang out with me until she was ready... She also said while I was there that when we get back together she wants to konw that it is going to be for long term because she wants to get married and have kids and what not eventually... I assured her that I had changed and it was not just because she had left... I said that I have changed for me and whether we get back together or I get with someone new that I would not be making the same mistakes as I have been working and changing these things for the better... and not just for her... So all in all I think things are going very well... I am doing fine and am okay with the fact that we will not be talking or hanging out for a while... she said she just wants to see that I am true to her and that I am not going to get confused about what I want again... this is something that time will show her... I asked her when I would know she was ready and she said that I would know and that she loved me ... wow im ranting as usual... I am feeling pretty damn good about the situation cant wait to see what the future has to hold for me... Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 You know the more I think about your situation the more I think you may be a security blanket for this girl. I mean she doesn’t want a relationship with you. Calls to hang out when she’s bored. Wants you to “stay true” to her. Basically aren’t you just her friend with no-benefits? What are you going to do when she calls you in two days and says hey come on over I need someone to talk to? I don’t know man… I think I’d cut the cord for a month or so and then check back with her. Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 Back to no contact. thats where Im at... day one NC... I know she wants to get back together she has said that she does numerous times... the thing is I have lost her trust and only time will get this back... she has said she needs time to heal from the old relationship since right after we broke up she was in a rebound a week later... I spent my time apart healing she tried to move on via a rebound... which didnt happen... she said it made her miss and think about me even more... So given time I know she will be ready... dont know when and dont care... I am working on myself and if she never comes back at least I have me... but I know in my heart she will... there are no more if talks from her... it is now when im ready or when Ive healed... which is a good sign... NC ftw... Link to comment
DJC Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Sounds promising good for you. I have to be pessimistic here also, don't get your hopes up, I'm not suggesting it will go wrong, what I'm saying is that nothing in life is certain. All the best to you. Keep us updated. Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 You know the more I think about your situation the more I think you may be a security blanket for this girl. I mean she doesn’t want a relationship with you. Calls to hang out when she’s bored. Wants you to “stay true” to her. Basically aren’t you just her friend with no-benefits? What are you going to do when she calls you in two days and says hey come on over I need someone to talk to? I don’t know man… I think I’d cut the cord for a month or so and then check back with her. to capitolize on this there are benefits... in the week we hung out we ended up sleeping together and being very affectionate towards each other... She has flat out said that eventually she wants to get back together but it just hasnt been enough time for me to show that I want her and only her... b not to mention she is only 18 and is going through the same phase I did at that age to an extent... There are absolutely no negative feeling between us... if she calls then I dont answer right away... I mean I do have to talk to her about bills.. but she is a very loving person and it hurts her to hurt me which is why she said that she wont ask me to hang out UNTIL she is ready Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 She SAYS it (getting back together). But her actions don't show it. What type of conversations do you think she's having with the chap your referring to as "rebound"? Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 to capitolize on this there are benefits... in the week we hung out we ended up sleeping together and being very affectionate towards each other... She has flat out said that eventually she wants to get back together but it just hasnt been enough time for me to show that I want her and only her... b not to mention she is only 18 and is going through the same phase I did at that age to an extent... There are absolutely no negative feeling between us... if she calls then I dont answer right away... I mean I do have to talk to her about bills.. but she is a very loving person and it hurts her to hurt me which is why she said that she wont ask me to hang out UNTIL she is ready OK I understand a little better now. Play it cool. Be as patient as possible… I mean you’ve left everything in her hands. I think she’s going to have you soaking for some time. Honestly Drummer I would not bet the Ford Family-Truckster on this deal. I think if I were you I’d be working on my own back-up plan. Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 She SAYS it (getting back together). But her actions don't show it. What type of conversations do you think she's having with the chap your referring to as "rebound"? I know her well enough to know she is not having conversations of getting back together with him... I have heard her tell him on several occations that she is not ready to be in a relationship... and that when she is it will be with me as she has so much invested with US... I dont blame her for not wanting to rush into things for her it has only been a week of healing... she never gave herself time to heal from the old US... you have to realise I hurt her bad... and she is healing from this as well as making sure that with time I have truly changed my old ways and I wont do that again to her Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 OK I understand a little better now. Play it cool. Be as patient as possible… I mean you’ve left everything in her hands. I think she’s going to have you soaking for some time. Honestly Drummer I won’t bet Ford Family-Truckster on this deal. I think if I were you I’d be working I my own back-up plan. No need for a back up plan... I am working on myself I dont really have a plan just let fate take its course... if its meant to be it will happen if not I have worked on myself and something even more great will come along... Link to comment
deang Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I think you have to quit going on what she says...people says things when they are emotional that they can't back up later on. I'm not saying she won't come back but your focus shouldn't be on that it should be on you. Put that in the back of your head and protect yourself and work on healing. I think you are close to that I'm just worried you are putting too much stock in their words...my current ex told me to relax that she's not going anywhere about 2 weeks before she ended it. I don't think she was lying its just that her feelings changed. Just keep the focus on you and your life and you'll be fine. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 You're hanging on her words. Link to comment
riley123 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 My advice: Plan for the worst…hope for the best. Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 My advice: Plan for the worst…hope for the best. Thats what Im working on doing... NC starting now... as I just got a text from her saying that she missed me and she loves me and that she was sorry but that it would be better for both of us healing that we not talk... I had to flat out ask her if she thought there was a future US... and she said that there may be a future US but it is hard on both of us talking right now ans not condusive to our healing... I know she wont last a week.. but Im NC until I get some actions showing she wants to reconcile... you guys are right they are all just words... and when we are together there are some actions behind those words... but I am planning on her not coming back... even though Im almost positive she will... and working on myself... thanks for all the support my fellow ENA friends Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 You're texting her back already..?!? You just spoke with her like yesterday... Isn't that the same question, "if she thought there was a future US" you've asked her yesterday? Basically asked everyday that you've spoken to her? Drummer I'm sorry but I'm trying to point out to you how your acting right now. How would you describe these actions if it were someone else? Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 You're texting her back already..?!? You just spoke with her like yesterday... Isn't that the same question, "if she thought there was a future US" you've asked her yesterday? Basically asked everyday that you've spoken to her? Drummer I'm sorry but I'm trying to point out to you how your acting right now. How would you describe these actions if it were someone else? curious to know if I was important to her... thats how I would describe it... and I didnt text her didnt plan on talking to her at all today or from now on... I responded to what she was saying... that I got a text from her and responded... I know it probably wasnt the best move but i needed to know how she felt... I ended it with I wish you all my love and I know that you will be successful in whatever you put your mind to... Im sorry I love you and good bye... Im leaving her with that... and now its NC until she shows me what she wants... oh or about her paying me for the bills for the house we had together... Hope you understand where im coming from and I am serious about not contacting her now... Link to comment
deang Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 ok from now on no more replying to texts unless it's something like "hey call 911 I'm on fire" ...if she texts she misses you ...ignore it...if you are unsure if you should reply...post on here and people will advise you what to do...you shouldn't reply right away anyway so you should have plenty of time to get an answer here. NC is not just you not initiating contact it's also about you not replying to stupid stuff or making getting back to her a priority. I think you have a chance here if you really do step back and work on healing yourself and getting your head together. Link to comment
riley123 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 You should read this book. It will be soooo helpful for you if you get back with your ex or if you end up with someone new: Hold on to Your NUTs: The Relationship Manual for Men (link removed) Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 ok from now on no more replying to texts unless it's something like "hey call 911 I'm on fire" ...if she texts she misses you ...ignore it...if you are unsure if you should reply...post on here and people will advise you what to do...you shouldn't reply right away anyway so you should have plenty of time to get an answer here. NC is not just you not initiating contact it's also about you not replying to stupid stuff or making getting back to her a priority. I think you have a chance here if you really do step back and work on healing yourself and getting your head together. Thanks for all of the support... thats what I plan on doing from here on out... im done being in limbo... im working on myself and thats what counts... if she comes back great if not oh well her loss Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 Its so hard to not text or call her... I know it will be better for me in the long run... I just miss her companionship.... I miss her touch and her outlook on life... I am so comfortable around her and she shows the same...I miss feeling her love pooring from her heart... I hope she sees this and comes back someday... Some encouraging words would be nice... Only time will tell if her love for me is strong and true enough to withstand this... Link to comment
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