Trouble being the "guy"

[bicksford]

I really like this girl, we've hung out a few times over summer now, about 4 or 5 and she likes me as well I believe. I'm just having trouble being the "guy". By that I mean, asking her to do things, initiating everything. It feels like so much responsibility. I get really queasy when I imagine getting nervous when I try to kiss her or something. I just feel like indecisive and nauseous when I think about the future of us, as we progress into dating. I don't know why.. I think it's just me being freaked out by rejection and having to take the lead all the time. I'm not very outgoing at all and I'm generally shy, and it's usually not a problem until it comes to girls. I don't know what I'm hoping to get out of this post... just some kind of reassurance. I'm really nervous about the whole thing. Does it get easier?

 

 

One other thing. When you get to the point where you think you should be "official" with somebody, how do you bring that up? Do people do the old school "Will you be my girlfriend?" still or is that a childish thing. I'm 20 btw. Going steady, that sort of thing.

[FreeFalling]

One other thing. When you get to the point where you think you should be "official" with somebody, how do you bring that up?

"I know a great restaurant uptown, want to go on a date this Friday?"

After a few of those, then you can start slipping 'girlfriend' into conversation.

Until then, no matter how much you've 'hung out', or how many RBI's you've hit... it's not official.

 

I get really queasy when I imagine getting nervous when I try to kiss her or something. I just feel like indecisive and nauseous when I think about the future of us, as we progress into dating. I don't know why.. I think it's just me being freaked out by rejection and having to take the lead all the time. I'm not very outgoing at all and I'm generally shy, and it's usually not a problem until it comes to girls.

I can't really figure out where you are with this girl... have you gone on a date? Have you kissed? Has there been allot of physical flirting? Or are you just friends atm, and looking to make it evolve into something more?

 

 

Does it get easier?

Assuming she likes you, yeah... for the first two months at least

[bicksford]

well i told her I liked her a lot over a message on the phone and she said she was glad to hear that and couldn't wait to hang out more. so it seems good but i still have this anxiety stopping me from going on... it's rough. Can I just get some encouraging words from anybody to help me be more comfortable?

[Murasaki]

well if she likes you then any step that you take to initiate a closer relationship should make her happy. the great thing about that is, you just have to be the person you've been the entire time and she should still like you for it. if you're feeling under-confident, you should tell yourself that you have every right to pursue a girl you like . . . especially if she likes you back. In fact, you owe it to both yourself and to her!

 

The only real solution is to just do it. Of all the advice you ever receive, the one common denominator will be action. Only you can stop you. Good luck.

[SoMuchLove]

Make it a habit. Tell yourself "I am a man of power and strength. I will lead as I am a leader. Others follow me."

 

As a MAN it is MANDITORY that you take control. Women like confident secure men. Show her you can call the shots.

 

Basically any kind of psychological affirmations that will make you feel stronger will help. It's all about re-programming your subconscious. I used to be very shy. Now I'm just self-reserved

 

Learn to accept the feelings of shyness. Go along with it(feeling) and accept it as a natural healthy emotions. Trying to wish it away or push it down will only make it worse. Be water... not the rock