Just need some support and friendly words :-(

[Parsley]

Hey

So..I'm currently sobbing my heart out because of my boyfriend, but I don't think he can be the only reason I'm like this.

 

The reasons it is because of my boyfriend are stupid, but here they are. I babysat my nephew all day today, and he usually chats a lot about my boyfriend. I wrote on my bfs wall a couple of times about the stuff my nephew was saying, cause he usually loves it. One of the things he does is list all these things about him, e.g., tall, strong, glasses. He's recently added "hard" to it (as in tough). Later on I was talking to my bf on msn and asked him if he'd seen the stuff on his wall, cause it was odd for him not to reply to it. He said "Yeah, but I just feel kinda dirty...you know...how people might read that" I know it wasn't a massive thing, but it annoyed me that he didn't at least acknowledge the humour of it beforehand, and gave him quite a short reply about thinking that about a 2 year old boy. He obviously was all "I was joking! sheesh.."

 

I'm going to visit him on monday for a few days. He was saying where he was going to take me, and said we should go swimming. I said I wasn't really comfortable with how I looked at the moment. You should know that I had/have big big issues with my body image and weight etc, and have managed to go from a size 10 to a size 14 (uk) in the last couple of months, and it has *really* got to me. He was just like "it'll be ok". I said "no, really, I've gone up two sizes and I really don't feel comfortable at all" He knows probably better than anyone else about how I feel about my body. He didn't seem to even acknowledge what I'd said and started talking about how he's going to the cinema tonight with a load of his friends because all his girl mates are going away for 3 weeks this weekend. Then I had to go cause I thought I was going to my sister's for dinner. But as soon as I got offline, I got so upset I realised it just wasn't going to work, so I stayed home. As soon as my mum left the house I just started crying and now can't stop.

 

I think I'm just really shocked that he didn't make any attempt to make me feel better at all. I wasn't saying it to fish for compliments at all you understand, but you still expect something from your boyfriend don't you? Especially if he knows that this isn't just you being silly and girly.

 

Is me being upset just because of that? I know I'd be upset, but I don't know if I would feel like I do now. I know I'm missing my friends a lot at the moment, and don't get to see many people now I'm home because of travel etc. Maybe him talking about seeing his friends and going on holiday and all that just got to me a lot?

 

thanks for any words

P

xxx

[DN]

OK - so you reacted emotionally.

 

Now try putting all your emotions aside for a moment (not easy) and read your post over as if someone else wrote it so you can look at it more rationally than emotionally.

 

Do that a couple of times. And then decide whether you over-reacted or if this is something you need to talk to your boyfriend about in greater depth.

[Gracelove]

Awwww, it'll be okay, don't worry.

 

I'm sure your boyfriend is still the same loving and sweet person you know him to be. You're probably just going through an emotional spell.

 

I think women place a lot of value on their looks, at least I do.

 

And when you aren't feeling as pretty as you think you should, you start to feel less valuble. Or insecure, like maybe your boyfriend won't want you anymore because your gained weight.

 

When he was talking about going swimming, and you told him you didn't feel comfortable because of your weight, did he sound annoyed?

 

I know I wouldn't teach my last boyfriend how to swim because I wanted to lose weight first.

 

I think that times it annoys guys when you have an obsession with weight.

 

Anywho, I digress.

 

It's okay to feel sad, we all get that way sometimes. Maybe a short nap, or one of your favorite drinks will help you feel a little better.

 

Hang in there!

 

*HUGS*

 

~Grace

[thejigsup]

Honey, he changed the subject because he WAS sympathetic. He didn't want to make you any more unhappy. I know, guys can be hard to understand, but they don't speak female very well. He sounds like a great guy who is definitely affected by your feelings. The other posters are right, once a guy is in love with you, your weight is not a big issure with them. This should be vice versa, by the way. He does love you and his actions back that up.

[Parsley]

I know that he's not a horrible person, I know that he loves me and I love him. I think jsut the timing of it all...right after I say about how bad I feel about how I look he says "I'm going to the cinema with Kate and co tonight, cause all the girls are leaving for 3 weeks" Immediately talking about all these other girls?! It's not one of those I think he's going to cheat on me things at all, I know he's not, and I'm not jealous of his friendships with these girls, but the timing of it all just was so off. Also, I *know* this is just me being silly, but again the timing, I keep seeing all these things come up on my feed on facebook, him talking with his mates about this fit girl in wimbledon, or that fit girl at wimbledon, and of course these girls are perfect and don't wobble everywhere.

 

I'm trying to calm down and see it rationally, and I'm kind of half and half at the moment. Feeling like I'm just being silly, but the moment I think that I remember exactly how it made me feel and I feel like rubbish again.

[gcollier2002]

I don't know your boyfriend is like me; but the last thing I want someone to say to me when I'm talking about something that bothers me is "Oh, I'm soooo sorry" not because I feel like they're patronizing me or anything. I just know it's not their fault, so there's no reason for them to be sorry. He may have just not wanted you to think about all that was bothering you and drown you in pitty. It seems like he tried to cheer you up by telling you he WANTED you to go out and swim with him. I'm sure he knows what you look like, so you should feel good about him wanting to see you in a swim-suit.

 

As for the kid thing... My ex had two little ones and the littlest one always wanted to sleep in our bed... I sleep naked or in my underoos and I was always uncomfortable around them popping in- so I always put on pajamas when they were there; the point of the story is that I sort of understand what he's saying about a kid saying how "hard" he is... LOL. In this day and age, at the mere suspicion of inpropriety... the cops and swat team will break your door down to see if you're a child-molester.