Chinese Whispers and hormones

[PushingDaisies]

I talked to my ex about the things that I had heard about him sleeping with my friend. I believe him when he said he never did anything. I was hearing chinese whispers and giving substance to shadows.

 

Anyway, he got fired yesterday for something he didnt do. He has to move out of the room he rents. He was so down about this, understandably, he has a lot of stress now; £250 to his name, no job and nowhere to live. I took him out to a movie to try and cheer him up, and we got a drink as well. Then we went back to his (he doesnt have to leave for 7 days) and played Xbox. I told him if he ever wanted anything I would be there for him.

 

I got a text off a friend of mine and my ex could tell it upset me so he gave me a hug to cheer me up. We had a really nice evening.

 

But I dont understand him, because again he kissed me. If you dont know; I had previously been to see him when I was upset, and one thing led to another and we had sex. This time I didnt let things get that far. My ex told me he would never do anything I didnt want him to, and didnt try to pressure me or anything. But I dont understand him, why he keeps doing this? Can anyone explain it to me? Does he still have feelings for me? He is very protective of me, and my instinct tells me he doesnt just want an easy lay, but I just dont understand why he has done this twice now?

 

Today my best friend who has supported me throughout all of this fell out with me, I dont think our friendship will ever be the same again. And another friend told me I was an idiot, he didnt like me, I was horrible, immature and selfish - all because I told him I wasnt in the mood to talk and I still loved my ex.

 

To top it off the job I want to get for my gap year, which is a chance in a lifetime, means I would have to live away from home for long periods of time, so I wouldnt be able to see my friends and family much. Im a home person, and living away frightens me. I want to do it, but Im scared and lonely.

 

And my ex may be going to uni, which is fantastic and something I always hoped he would do, so Im happy for him - but it means I will lose touch with him as well.

 

I still love my ex and want him back. I am very hormonal at the moment and have spent the whole day crying, I have lost two good friends, I am leaving home and losing my ex. I hate change and it suddenly seems like my whole life is shifting and I dont know where it is going. I think if I were to read this through when I am calmer I would think my troubles are small, but right now I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and I just want to run away and hide. I hate change. I wish I could make things go back to the way they were.

 

I want to help my ex as well, how can I be there for him? Is there any way I can make this easier for him? He is so stressed; yesterday he was almost crying, and I have never seen him that upset before.

[BetterKarma]

I think your ex cares about you but doesn't want a relationship especially with everything that's going on. He is physical with you because he's comfortable with it and you allow him to be.

 

I think you have enough things on your plate now and should focus on your own life while he straightens out his. You never know what the future may hold but for now, just focus on yourself.

 

Btw, what's Chinese whispers? I'm Chinese, I've never heard of that term.

[SadHatter]

OK, here we go...

 

I've got the Internet back (At last!!!!!!!!!!) and I'm not stalking you! Just came on and you've literally just posted this.

 

Firstly - And another friend told me I was an idiot, he didnt like me, I was horrible, immature and selfish - all because I told him I wasnt in the mood to talk and I still loved my ex - I didn't mean this, it was said in the heat of the moment. But, I do feel you owe me an apology. I've been there for you throughout this whole scenario and was just trying to help you again today.

 

Every single time you talk to him, you're setting yourself back again. You're asking questions you already know the answers to and I've spoken to you about 1,000 times.

 

For example - But I dont understand him, why he keeps doing this? Can anyone explain it to me? Does he still have feelings for me? Because you're letting him is why. You already know this. If he can have his cake and eat it, why wouldn't he? He probably does have feelings for you in the sense that you were together for seven months, but if he had the sort of feelings you wanted him to have, would he have dumped you, and would you still be apart? In all this time you've not been an item, he hasn't once said he wants you back - which is what you want - so doesn't that say it all?

 

The reason both myself and your best friend are upset is because we can see you're being messed about and we don't like it. You continually put the said ex first, when he quite clearly never ever ever ever ever puts you first.

 

We're talking about a guy here who slept with his ex-gf just 2 weeks ago. A guy who has messed you around and made you a mess for the past few weeks - and you're asking how you can help him? I just don't understand what you're hoping to gain from this. By all means if being friends with him is what you want (how you would want to be friends with him is beyond me) then fine...but you quite clearly still love him, you just said so, and subsequently being friends with him whilst you want more will lead to you feeling like this every single day.

 

I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but I am almost certain everyone on here will agree with me. I am not blaming you...it's so hard to see the woods from the trees when it's your feelings involved and you think nobody knows your ex like you, etc. etc.

 

I'm speaking from the heart as you're my friend and I hate seeing you like this all the time. I've tried so hard to help you, but I feel you keep going back to square one and letting this guy affect your whole life.

 

If you don't wish to be friends anymore, I will accept that, but know that everything I have said is intended to help you and if it seems harsh...it is the truth I'm afraid.

 

Don't risk losing friends over someone who isn't worth it - they care and have shown they care much more than said ex ever has.

 

End of rant....I would still like that apology

[Imprecision]

lol, I too was wondering - but according to Wikipedia, it's the British term for what we call "Telephone Game" in Canada and the US.

[PushingDaisies]

Chinese whispers is a game in england where you think of a phrase and whisper it to the next person and so on round the circle; the person at the end has to announce the phrase out loud. The idea is that because you are whispering you mishear and the end result is a different, funny phrase. I used the term here because what I was hearing was coming through several people, and invariably what I hear is going to be different to what the original story is. I dont know why its called 'chinese' whispers though

[PushingDaisies]

Sad Hatter, you dont have all the facts. I appreciate you are looking out for me and would hate to lose you as a friend, but what I said to you today got blown out of proportion and caused an argument I didnt want. I dont intend on this becoming a debate. I never wanted you or my other friend to feel used, I didnt want to hurt anyone.

 

He didnt sleep with his ex; that was another 'chinese whisper'

[SadHatter]

OK, well we'll continue to be friends and I'll leave it up to you as to what you do. But don't say I didn't warn you...

 

Come on MSN missy, could do with a chat, proper fed up myself