How do I deal with this person?

[dragonzeyez]

Hello. Ok, lotsa problems here that I am gonna get into. The issue is my uncle, and how the hell I deal with him. Dear god, I do not know where to start. Let me first say that he is not the world's worst person, but dear god he has changes he needs to make. He is a manipulative con man who is mooching off of my grandmother, and I am sick of it!! Let me start from the beginning. He spent almost 20 years in prison. He did not murder or rape anyone, he stole a truck with a lot of drugs in it when he was 18 and tried to sell it to an undercover cop.

 

He made some other mistakes (nothing horrible like I said but still bad) while in jail and that's why he was there 20 years. He has been out now for a year. My grandmother invited him to stay with her when he got out so he could start to get his life back together. The problem is, in a years time, he has yet to do one single thing to get his life together!! He is doing nothing but mooching off my grandmother who is 81 years old and does not deserve what he is doing to her. He has for short periods of time (2-3 weeks) held a steady job before either getting fired or quiting. He has however been working a under the table job for a friend of his on a farm making petty little bits of cash for most of the year, but he does not make enough to move himself forward with his life.

 

And all the money he does make he spends on scratch off tickets!! He keeps saying that he can't move forward because he can't get a break in life right now. Bull crap. I moved from Michigan to Ohio to find myself a better job. My grandmother loaned me 1200 dollars to buy a car and told me I could stay with her until I got my own life together and found a place of my own to live. Well, it took me 2 months to get a very good job and find a place of my own. It has been 6 months now, and I have almost paid her off for the money for my car (grandma is the shining star in my family as you can tell.) and on top of that, I have saved almost 1500 dollars in my savings account, and within the next 2 months plan to attempt starting my own small business. If I can come here and be on my own in 2 months, and accomplish everything else I mentioned in 6 months, then why the hell has he been there a little over a year and be broker now then when he first got out of jail? Because he is a lazy manipulative conning moocher.

 

I won't lie and say that I don't care about him, me and him do have an astranged relationship and I do care about him some. But he just makes me so angry in so many ways. Oh and yeah, let me mention in the year he has been there, he has not paid my grandma one red cent for rent. Nothing. Now, when I say conning, I mean exactly that. He will stoop to any level, I mean ANY level to try and get a few dollars out of your pocket. Let me give you an example of one of the schemes he tried to pull on me. The first one was when I first moved up. I had a weight set I brought up with me that I was gonna keep, but times got hard and decided that I was going to sell it instead. He came up to me and asked me if he could have it. Being family, and being that this was the first time me and him got to spend time together since I was 4 years old, I thought I would go ahead and trust him. He said he intended to start working out. So I gave it to him. He offered to pay me for it, but I told him he could take it for free under his word that he was gonna work out with it. But what did he do? He took it immediately to a metal scrap yard and sold it all and then lied to me and said he sat it up at his friends place.

 

It did not matter to him that at the time I did not have money to pay my rent and did not have any groceries in my fridge. That is when I immediately stopped trusting him. I got onto him and chewed him out big time for doing that. He apologized and said he would not do things like that any more. He lied. He has been pulling the same crap on my grandmother and his girlfriend both. When I moved up here, one of the first things he did was ask me if he could borrow 10 bucks. I told him no. And here we are 6 months later and he is still broke still asking to borrow money, still scheming, and still not doing a dam thing to help himself. I can not cut him out of my life, but if he wants any type of relationship to continue with me, he has changes to make. I have told him directly on more then a few occasions that he needs to get things together and get the hell outta my grandmother house!! He has nothing but excuses. I have told my grandmother she needs to kick him out, but she won't. She is too kind hearted. She does want him out but won't force him out.

 

I have even argued with her about it. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Ya know what I mean? I need advice here, I don't wanna cut my uncle out of my life, but he MUST make changes, and he needs to get off his but and get his own place!! I need advice, I do not know what else to try. Grandma is 81 and does not deserve this. I will be editing this to make it more legible, so please be patient, but for now here it is.

[Emernate]

There is nothing you can do. You can not force your grandma to kick him out. You have already talked to her about it and didn't convince her otherwise.

You can't force other people to not be taken advantage of by their own free will. It completely sucks and I wish it wasn't like that but there isn't anything else you can do.

 

If you want to help your uncle out, don't give him money. If he wants to borrow 10 bucks make him work for it instead. Make him wash your car, mow your lawn.. something of that sort.

[Stars_n_Guitars]

It's your grandmother's choice to let him live with her. You've told her how you see it and that's all you can do. Until she sees it too, he'll still be mooching...