CoCo2009 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 You got it girl. Do you think you are strong enough to do that? yes I can do that but here is the problems I asked him to meet me for lunch today to tell him that I can't see him anymore unless we are going to work on dating and working our way back into the relationship. Should I just meet him and have lunch and then take it that way until he initiates sex again and then tell him? Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 ^Yes exactly, say that. which one? Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 so if he comes over just let him talk and stuff but if he tries to have sex say no only if we are going to start going OUT on dates and work on if we want to be together again. I also don't think he should "come over" to talk ... you should go to a diner or restaurant/coffee house... some place out of the house where the temptation for YOU to sleep with him isn't there... In the end you can only be responsible for yourself... so if you don't like the way you are being treated its up to you to not allow the behavior. Link to comment
Girl79 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 so if he comes over just let him talk and stuff but if he tries to have sex say no only if we are going to start going OUT on dates and work on if we want to be together again. That one!^ Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 yes I can do that but here is the problems I asked him to meet me for lunch today to tell him that I can't see him anymore unless we are going to work on dating and working our way back into the relationship. Should I just meet him and have lunch and then take it that way until he initiates sex again and then tell him? NOOOOOO!! You tell him straight up sister! Don't end up in bed with him again! No no no no no. You gotta give it to him straight or else he won't know, and he'll just expect to get back in the sack with you, know what I'm saying? Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 That one!^ okay thanks. I can do that. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 I also don't think he should "come over" to talk ... you should go to a diner or restaurant/coffee house... some place out of the house where the temptation for YOU to sleep with him isn't there... In the end you can only be responsible for yourself... so if you don't like the way you are being treated its up to you to not allow the behavior. yes I agree with this too Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 NOOOOOO!! You tell him straight up sister! Don't end up in bed with him again! No no no no no. You gotta give it to him straight or else he won't know, and he'll just expect to get back in the sack with you, know what I'm saying? okay so I should go ahead and tell him at lunch today then right? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I also don't think he should "come over" to talk ... you should go to a diner or restaurant/coffee house... some place out of the house where the temptation for YOU to sleep with him isn't there... In the end you can only be responsible for yourself... so if you don't like the way you are being treated its up to you to not allow the behavior. I agree with this. Meet in a public place. Tell him that you want to work on getting back together but that you refuse to have sex with him, unless you are in an exclusive relationship with eachother. If he does not want this, you have to be prepared to stop talking to him. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 I agree with this. Meet in a public place. Tell him that you want to work on getting back together but that you refuse to have sex with him, unless you are in an exclusive relationship with eachother. If he does not want this, you have to be prepared to stop talking to him. yeah thats what I'm scared of. I'm so scared Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 yeah thats what I'm scared of. I'm so scared You have to take that risk, otherwise you will always be stuck in this relationship "limbo". Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Right now you are kinda letting him call all the shots. The question should not be all about him but really about what you are ok with and not ok with. What I would say to him is this. 'I'm uncomfortable with the situation and I need to let you know that this won't work for me any more. I can't do this. If you want to date, I can date you and we can work back into the relationship. But I can't sleep with you until it feels right for me.' Don't tell him that if he says that y'all can date again, then you can sleep with him. Then he basically can just *say* that and get what he wants. Let me know that you're going to do what feels right for you. And free yourself from fear about what he may or may not decide. Whatever he decides, you are going to be ok. If he doesn't want to date and work it out, then you are going to be ok. You will feel bad for a while, but then you will still be ok. Feelings won't destroy you. If he does want to work it out, then you are going to be ok there too. And I want to know...is clinginess your standard operating procedure or is this the first time someone has told you this about yourself? Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 I know I will be okay its just that we have been togheter for 5 years the longest I have ever been with anymore so its hard to let go right away you know? I think I have almost always been clingy but with him it was been overboard Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 okay so I should go ahead and tell him at lunch today then right? Yes...I would tell him at lunch no more sex so that way he knows. And then you'll know if he's really interested in getting back with you, or if all he wanted was sex. Good luck! Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I know I will be okay its just that we have been togheter for 5 years the longest I have ever been with anymore so its hard to let go right away you know? I think I have almost always been clingy but with him it was been overboard So are you trying to work it out in order to not have your time turn out to be wasted or because you really want him specifically? Is he everything you ever wanted in a mate, and you should also look at the WHY of your clinginess in this relationship. Have others told you that you're clingy before? Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 So are you trying to work it out in order to not have your time turn out to be wasted or because you really want him specifically? Is he everything you ever wanted in a mate, and you should also look at the WHY of your clinginess in this relationship. Have others told you that you're clingy before? I am curious - why did you break up after 5 years to begin with? Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 Well I did it! He said that he needs time to guarantee me anything because he is still hurt so we will see if he calls to hang out or not. Thanks for your advice everyone Allie we broke up because I kept accusing him of cheating and stuff and I never trusted anyone before so it pushed him away. I am really insecure and would complain when he wanted to hang with friends when he rarely did at all in the first place. I am learning alot from this and I am growing alot too. its so hard Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 He called and said he wants to hang out already??? what the heck is wrong with him? Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 He called and said he wants to hang out already??? what the heck is wrong with him? nothing! he loves you ... and he's most likely telling you the truth! being with someone who is constantly accusing you of doing wrong is not easy... it takes away from the relationship- you don't get to enjoy each other because you are always worried that the other person is cheating or going to think you are cheating. Its a good thing that you are learning from this... its a valuable lesson to learn! good luck.. please keep us posted!!! hugs!! Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 Goodness gracious this totally sucks, yesterday he didn't show up or call like he said he would. He said he wanted to come and hang out with me and see the dog we shared. Should I just wait and see if he contact me while taking care of myself...What do you guys think? Thanks for the advice Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Goodness gracious this totally sucks, yesterday he didn't show up or call like he said he would. He said he wanted to come and hang out with me and see the dog we shared. Should I just wait and see if he contact me while taking care of myself...What do you guys think? Thanks for the advice You are broken up. He no longer feels like he needs to answer to you and only wants to see you when it is convenient for him. The fact that he does not respect you enough to show up or call when he says he will should be enough to show you that you should not wait for him. Move on. Don't wait for him. Take care of yourself. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Well, I guess you have the answer to the question you wanted. He only wants you for sex. I am sorry. Move on hon to someone who wants you for you and not just a bootie call. ~Allie Link to comment
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