Jacanorie Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I need some feedback on this one. =P It's a little rough and I want some help polishing it up. =) Pleases and thank yous in advance. I let the razor say the things I can’t, Form the words to my pathetic story, Sing the bitter lyrics of my soul, And scream out my burning anger. There are no words to express this. No description for my twisted feelings, My hate’s too intense, the hurt too deep, But you refuse to read the signs. You have me trapped in a straitjacket, Unable to fly away from you, And this dark desperate place. Link to comment
Supa_gurl Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Depressing. But shows talent. I am not a poet, so I can not critique. But as a reader it sounds good. 1 Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Very good writing, intense emotions indeed! 1 Link to comment
mca1975 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 yes its slightly depressing, but I love your profile pic! Link to comment
Jacanorie Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 Sorry about the depressingness lol. That's all I can write. Well actually I've written a few suggestive ones but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post them. Link to comment
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