Anon333 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Hello, Last time I was on here was about a year ago while I was going through a tough break up with a boyfriend, who in my eyes was mentally abusive, and who ended up marrying a girl about a week after we broke up. It was total chaos, but thats not why Im here now.... I am 28, college graduate, moved back to my home town after college, and fell into a comfortable office job with great benefits, good pay, nice people. Only it was the most boring job ever, and I realized I am not the office type of person. I felt very out of place there even in my 4 years there. At meetings I still felt like the office temp after all that time. I had to fight myself from surfing the internet all day. It was a very low stress job, and I appreciated having that job, but after 4 years of working there I needed an escape. An escape from the job, an escape from the same home town I grew up in, an escape from my OCD boyfriend who I knew I could not stay with for one more day by the end. Thats where the opportunity to move cross country to a sunny beautiful state came in. My sister was expecting her first baby and threw out the idea of me moving in with them and being a Nanny. For one year I would live with them, and then my/our hopes were I would establish some type of life out here with friends, and maybe get a part time job that would turn into something. Here I am, 5 months into living out here, and although I am so thankful for this opportunity to be here and try something new and I cherrish my time with my niece and watching her grow and being with family, I am just starting to feel completely lost again. I am homesick for one. I stay in touch with a few friends back home, almost all men, and a few of them are x boyfriends. That has been how it has always been, (since my best friend slept with my boyfriend). I am painfully shy and because of it, have a problem going out meeting people. The few times I have gone out, I got totally drunk and hung over the next day (though did manage to get a few numbers and meet some people), but the drinking and meeting people has gotten old for me. That is another thing I was kinda trying to escape from my home town. So here I am, starting to realize the Nanny life maybe isnt for me. Starting to miss my New England friends, music spots, thrift stores, restaurants, everything. Ive tried to explore here on my free time and meet people, but its just not coming along as I hoped. I am thinking that next year when my nanny time is up, Ill move back home. But to what career? To the same x boyfriends, the same home town? Alot of you who have the patience to read this may think I am selling myself short? I dunno. But I could use some advice. I just feel like I am wandering aimlessly from one place to the next completely lost. And now that I am in a place I thought would open my mind up to something new, I realize I might be missing out on things I could have just as easily done back home, but in the comfort of friends. Any input? I'd greatly appreciate it. There is so much more to all of this, but I already have written enough I think! Link to comment
Shalron Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 sounds like you're one of those people who wants what they cant have. Maybe it'd be best to find a job that is different every day like a nightclub bartender or something. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 Thanks for the response. You are correct in that I am often indecisive and usually want what I have lost (in terms of boyfriends). Id break up with them and then be heartbroken and want them back. Many back and forth relationships. There may be a touch of that in here. But this move was really to try and take a step back, bond with my niece and amily, figure out where I am and where I am going, and hopefully meet new people. I guesss my number one problem is that I am painfully shy. I have no experience being a waiter or bartender so I doubt I'd be able to get a job like that, especially since I am so shy. I eventually intend on getting a part time job at night to meet people.. But my niece takes alot more out of me than I realized, and I cherrish my free time more now. I dont know. I'll probably move back to my home town after this, but hopefully with a different perspective and direction? Thanks for listening and responding Shalron. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 I'm also super lonely. Miss having a boyfriend. Havent had sex since last year, and dont miss the sex part, but do miss someone to joke around with and watch moies with, etc...My family helps, but I really feel like my life is on hold. Like I am watching my sister with her husband and new baby and great career, while I stay at her house and take care of her kid and have no friends..It starts to feel a bit clausterphobic.. I miss having my own apartment, my own friends, and even having a baby with me all day long is very very confining for me...But I guess so was having an office job sitting in front of a computer all day I guess...I dont mean to complain, I know there are so many people who have it much worse... Link to comment
Shalron Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 np one good way to do both is to take your neice to open places. Kids are super social and will say hi to just about anyone. All you have to do is take the baton from her and develop your interpersonal skills I'm not saying you have to keep in touch with anyone or even have a real conversation. Just play the field and strengthen your courage about dealing with new people. A park on a saturday would be great. Link to comment
Shalron Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I'm also super lonely. Miss having a boyfriend. Havent had sex since last year, and dont miss the sex part, but do miss someone to joke around with and watch moies with, etc...My family helps, but I really feel like my life is on hold. Like I am watching my sister with her husband and new baby and great career, while I stay at her house and take care of her kid and have no friends..It starts to feel a bit clausterphobic.. I miss having my own apartment, my own friends, and even having a baby with me all day long is very very confining for me...But I guess so was having an office job sitting in front of a computer all day I guess...I dont mean to complain, I know there are so many people who have it much worse... I dont know about the sex part, but I'll be your friend and laughs are easy to find if you know where to look. plus I'm pretty erratic and random, so little chance of getting bored of me 8) Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I can relate to what your saying... i moved from west coast to east coast..CT.. i choose to do so for my carrer and a change... you have to fig out what you want out of life... life is about moving forward and advancing... any life you want to build for yourself.. you can accmplish where you are now... you have a sister there... why dont you look at the move as a new start... you can work on any problems you had in the past and became a better new person... you dont have to lose touch with people or even where you came from new england.. keep the friends your really wanna keep from new england.. and build a new life outthere.. and now you have two places to go in this world... look at how you can make it better.. not on how its worse... i moved to CT from oregon.. all by myself.. it was hard.. but i learned and grew alot as a person.. i still go back to oregon few times a year.. for a few weeks.. visit friends and enjoy the things it has to offer... you can just as easily meet friends or even get a boyfriend outhtere... its not any different then new england... your friends back at home have lifes and cant always be there.. and you would have to do things on your own there also... Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 Yes..Thanks you again....Right now she is only 5 months old, but I look forward to her being a bit older. WHen I do take her out, it is a huge ordeal and alot of work with the diaper bag and bottle...But I try to do it as much as I can, and you are right about people interacting more. Mostly I get woman who think she is so adorable, and it is nice to even have that short interaction. And any litttle interaction like that does help me with my shyness....If it was a cute guy though, Id probably run the other way. I am 28 and still get as shy as a school girl around guys! That is why all my boyfriends have been from meeting in bars, and none of those relationships turned out so good if you know what I mean..haha... Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 bmwm3 thanks....Maybe the problem is I changed my environment but nothing inside me changed. Im still the same shy girl who has trouble meeting people, who doesnt know what she wants to do with her life. I had all that positive stuff in mind when I moved here...Starting from scratch, meeting new people, moving forward, but I guess I am starting to wonder if I moved backwards. I'm from connecticut by the way, and I moved to California. I never thought I'd miss Connecticut like I do....haha Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 Thanks Shalron...You already seem like a friend for listening to my post....So kind of you! Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Hi Anon333, Wow. After reading your post, I can totally relate. I also just recently broke up with a boyfriend and made a move to somewhere sunny. I can relate to you because I am having the same sort of issues. The loneliness. The job. Just everything. My sister brought me out here to start a new life for myself. So far it's been really rough and there are time where I just want to pick up and go home. Go back to my friends and go back to what is familiar. It's a comfort thing. But then I think to myself . . . then what would that make me? A quitter? Where would that take me? Back to the same old stuff that ... which I left for a reason. You need change. You need change in order to grow. You need to experience new things, new places and new people. Even if it's for a short time. Home will ALWAYS be home and you can always go back. But for this moment this is your life ... and it is what you make it. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 Hey! that post was right up my alley...This is what I have been saying in my head....I moved out here for a change and was determined to stay here at least a year and try something new, meet new people hopefully, clear my mind, try new things.....Which is what I am doing, but it is hard not already thinking about plans to move back..I want to put those thoughts out of my head and make the most of it. But on days like today, when the baby is crying and in a particularly bad mood, and I am feeling particularly homesick, it is hard not to feel hopeless...Thank you so much for your response..Its nice to hear from someone who identifies. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I have those days to hun, I have those days alot. BUT that's when I step back and get realistic. I too already have plans in my head to move back, lol. Right now this is my life, as it is yours and all we can do is make the most of it. I've developed a couple close friendships out here, which I didn't even think was going to happen! It's great, it's like a breath of fresh air. I have friends and ex boyfriends back home and honestly, they will always be there. My home is like a black cave ... no one ever leaves and when they do they fall right back in. Don't let your friends or your relationships back home stop you from creating what could possibly be a better life for you. You should never let anyone or anything get in the way of your happiness. Your friends, if they are your friends will always be there. If home is where you want to be, then that's fine. It's about what makes YOU happy. But at least make the best of it so that when you look back ... you have no regrets. But this is your chance to learn and grow. I'm right there with ya ... more then you know actually. It's incredible to read something like this ... as I am going through it too. You are truly not alone, lol. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 Hey, I'm so glad to have written this post and to hear from you..It means alot...I wish I had a couple friends here. I never have been that good at making friends...I've been one of those people who only had a few close friends....Plus being a nanny doesnt help in the meeting people department...But I will get a part time job eventually, and I also am now feeling motivated to join a hiking club to at least get out and do something. You are right about making the most of the here and now, or else I know I will regret it so much if I do move back home....I need to give this a chance, and not look at it as me being trapped here, moreso that I chose this move for a reason...I should appreciate that I am spending quality time with my niece and sister and trying something new...I have to keep telling myself that I never did this move Id be in a much worse position than I am now....I guess thats true for you too? Stay in touch if you ever want to vent or get too homesick....And I'll do the same if thats ok... Link to comment
SuperStar Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Anon, Just saw this thread and I've had the same feelings as well, but I'm only two weeks into it. I moved from the PNW, security, comfort, to a sunnier state as well. I had a close friendship that went sour over me moving and the ease of always having work or always getting work is gone. It's a little easier transition since I have two friends that live here and a brother, but my one close friend that I always do stuff with is on vacation with his gf so it's testing me, especially since I don't have employment to keep me occupied. However, the one thing I do when i feel down is think of what I would have felt like if I didn't move and think what it would be like if I went back. Then I realize how great the opportunity is, how much better the weather is and how it affects my mood, and how I would be back in the same rut I was if I moved back. That everybody will be doing the same thing they always been doing and nothing has changed, except they had a few more kids and a new Walmart went up a few blocks away. I also realize I did this for a reason, to grow as a human being and to open my horizons to other possibilities. For me this is a new beginning of a new life and I have to keep reminding myself to be persistent and push through the initial stage of this rebirth sorta speak. It's painful at times, but eventually like a butterfly out of cacoon I'll sprout wings and become a more interesting, stronger, more free, and a more beautiful human being. I know that sounds cheesy, but I think it illustrates the point. Without struggle and adversity, we don't become stronger and wiser as people. As Andy DuFrain(sp) says in Shawshank, "Get busy livin, or get busy dyin." I guess my final piece of unsolicited advice is to create a life separate from your sister's. I think the nanny thing is good for now, but an office job, even though it's boring, will at least introduce you to other single people over time. Married people with kids are great, but they don't necessarily help you meet people or possible significant others since they tend to not go out, tend to know more married people than singles, and stay home most of the time for good reasons. I know, cause I used to spend my fridays nights with my close friend, wife, and kids and it got old and boring for a single guy like me. Anyways, I hope what I've shared helps in some ways. Hang in there and hold on to your dreams whatever they may be. ~ SuperStar Link to comment
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