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Does it ever work?

tootsey

By tootsey
in Infidelity

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Scorpion Fury Contributor

Scorpion Fury

Posted
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Never been cheated on that I can prove, but I doubt I could forgive something like that. I wouldn't be able to get the image out my head, and then I would turn into one of those psycho girlfriends that's always accusing and stalking and spying because I wouldn't trust him.

 

Would turn me into something I didn't wanna be. I would just let it go so I could be free from the torment.

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charles89 Newbie

charles89

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it all depends on the situation ..

 

i cheated on my gf a year ago and we never did split up although it is still a work in progress. there are times in which i still feel extremely guilty but those times are now further and fewer between.

 

anyways every situation is different:

 

- did he admit it right away?

- has he done it before?

- does he even regret it?

- does the victim want to forgive?

- does it seem like hes learned his lesson?

 

even though every situation is different it feels that 99.9% of those relationships will end. i am just one of the lucky ones (for now anyways). a year later everything seems fine, heck even better than before. we just got back a couple of weeks ago from a mexico trip which she described as the best experience shes ever had with me.

 

i do know of about 4 other couples that have cheated, all not even close to staying together.

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mrmaximum Enthusiast

mrmaximum

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I weighed those exact same options when my ex cheated on me. At first things did seem okay but no matter what I did, in the end it didn't work out. I do believe that people CAN get over cheating if both parties are willing to work for it (and work hard for a long, long, time) but I also agree that most won't. It is a very hard thing to get over and yes, it isn't something that will be forgotten. My fav advice columnists put it this way; it's like having a dead child in the centre of your relationship. You child has died and of course neither of you will forget about the little tyke, right?

 

I will always give props to the peeps who stay to try and work it out, however, I'd be lying if I didn't advocate leaving.

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cchurting Contributor

cchurting

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People can make it past cheating, yes.

 

It takes an outsider to determine the issues that lead that person astray. If the couple can work past these issues, the relationship stands a surviving chance. In fact, it sometimes makes the relationship stronger.

 

But more often than not though, too many trust boundaries have been broken, and the relationship needs to be dissolved so the hurt can appropriately heal.

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Ben10 Rookie

Ben10

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How do you stay with a partner that has cheated on you? Anyone here stayed with one and it worked?

 

Oh I tried to stay, mainly for the kids. And part of me was still in shock when I found out. She wanted to try to. But after the shock was over, anger set in and all I could see everytime I looked at her was "CHEATER" written accross her forehead. So I filed for divorce. I realized a better life awaits.

 

 

Does it ever be right again?

 

Nope. Not in my opinion. I could have made it "somewhat" right. But if I had stayed, things might get to the point where I don't think about it all the time. But here and there, the infidelity would have popped into my head, and I know I'd just simply end up bottling up anger and seeing my wife in disgust.

 

its no way to live as far as I'm concerned.

 

I ALWAYS suggest that someone that is cheated on dump/divorce the cheater. Only way to get rid of the turmoil is to get rid of the source.

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j0shua Rookie

j0shua

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i know i didnt start this thread, but lord i needed to read what you guys wrote...

 

for some reason ive been trying to 'get back' w/ the cheater, and i know its wrong and just a retreat to the familiar... its hard on the ole heart tho...

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LifesontheUp Newbie

LifesontheUp

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i know i didnt start this thread, but lord i needed to read what you guys wrote...

 

for some reason ive been trying to 'get back' w/ the cheater, and i know its wrong and just a retreat to the familiar... its hard on the ole heart tho...

 

Yes and the old saying of "what doesn't kill us will make us stronger" applies.

 

Its never easy dealing with infidelity, but trust me time is a healer. Slowly the good days over take the bad and you see the light at the end of the tunnel

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mrmaximum Enthusiast

mrmaximum

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i know i didnt start this thread, but lord i needed to read what you guys wrote...

 

for some reason ive been trying to 'get back' w/ the cheater, and i know its wrong and just a retreat to the familiar... its hard on the ole heart tho...

 

You can't get down on or even think yourself strange because of this. You dated fell in love, walked down the aisle, had plans laid, all those Shamrocks and Shenanigans. We aren't robots, you can't just turn the love emotion 'off' like a light switch, even though we all at one time would love to be able to. Heck, I'd think you where a little messed if you DID get over it quickfastinahurry.

 

Yes and the old saying of "what doesn't kill us will make us stronger" applies.

 

Its never easy dealing with infidelity, but trust me time is a healer. Slowly the good days over take the bad and you see the light at the end of the tunnel

 

This is too true, and it does heal all wounds. It's also amazing the perspective we gain once our emotions subside a little.

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water Newbie

water

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I beginning to feel this way.

 

My current SO cheated on me a little over a year ago. She only fessed up recently to sexing this guy and I was in that shock state. I kind of knew it happened but nothing could prepare me for actually hearing it. Now I have a lot of anger and almost every time I look at her, images in my head of her sleeping w/ this other guy appear. I feel angry/hurt/betrayed/frustrated/vengeful all at the same time. I want to lash out at her but I keep fighting the impulses. I'm pretty sure things will just keep getting worse. ](*,)

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Ben10 Rookie

Ben10

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I beginning to feel this way.

 

My current SO cheated on me a little over a year ago. She only fessed up recently to sexing this guy and I was in that shock state. I kind of knew it happened but nothing could prepare me for actually hearing it. Now I have a lot of anger and almost every time I look at her, images in my head of her sleeping w/ this other guy appear.

 

Been there done that my man. Only way to relieve yourself of that pain is to dump the unworthy huss.

 

 

I feel angry/hurt/betrayed/frustrated/vengeful all at the same time. I want to lash out at her but I keep fighting the impulses. I'm pretty sure things will just keep getting worse. ](*,)

 

Go ahead...lash out at her. And when you are done, finish it off by saying, "oh, and I never want to see your worthless cheating ass ever again. Get out" image removed

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tootsey Apprentice

tootsey

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Thankyou to everyone who replied to this thread.

 

According to my SO (the cheater), I should grow up and forget about his affair, as it has been 4 years now. But I cannot get the images out of my head, even though I have tried.

 

My SO says all woman forgive affairs and im the only one he knows who can't.

 

I probably would feel a lot different if he had have been the one to admit it, but it was the other woman, and his story changes all the time, about who finished with who, he said he did, she said she did.

 

And he's done it before in previous relationships.

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mrmaximum Enthusiast

mrmaximum

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What has he done to show that this will no longer happen? He sounds pretty selfish to be saying something so insensitive about this. If he doesn't like your reaction then he shouldn't have stepped out in the first place, that was his choice, not yours. You are well in your right to feel upset about this whole situation and his behavior and attitude could alleviate or aggravate it depending on his position. He needs to see that, one doesn't 'get over' cheating and for his to say something like this speaks loads about his character!!

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Salty Contributor

Salty

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Oh your SO broke a very importan rule for healing. never ever tell someone you hurt to get over it! the only way you are actually going to get past this is if he kisses your a** until you no longer feel the need to have it kissed. It's working for me.

 

Thankyou to everyone who replied to this thread.

 

According to my SO (the cheater), I should grow up and forget about his affair, as it has been 4 years now. But I cannot get the images out of my head, even though I have tried.

 

My SO says all woman forgive affairs and im the only one he knows who can't.

 

I probably would feel a lot different if he had have been the one to admit it, but it was the other woman, and his story changes all the time, about who finished with who, he said he did, she said she did.

 

And he's done it before in previous relationships.

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mrmaximum Enthusiast

mrmaximum

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...

A little story for you...

My ex bf's gf (before me) cheated on him. He took her back, married her. She cheated on him again with 2 months of the marriage. He divorced her. The End.

I think a lot of people take back cheating partners, but it usually does not work out. The trust has been eroded (as it should be).

 

Like putting a parachute back in it's box or case. Once you take it out, you may not be able to put it back. This should be a deterrent and it is for some, but it isn't for others. It can be done but it's damn hard. If it has been done twice, what, pray tell, is your excuse the second time?

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SpeedingCars Enthusiast

SpeedingCars

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My father cheated on my mother (it OBVIOUSLY didn't work out)... but he remains with the woman til this day. They're happy. They've been together about 3 years.

 

I know a guy who cheated on his girlfriend multiple times. They broke up on/off. She's now pregnant with his baby. I'm not sure if he's still cheating. They still have problems... they play a lot of immature "I'll get you jealous" games... but it seems to be working out since they're still together? I don't really know.

 

My guy cheated on my (he never admitted it, but my mind is set that he has. He admitted he lied about VERY important things) and it's TOTALLY not working right now even though I told him I wanted to work things out. It's been 2 weeks since I've found out and things are really weird between us. I don't know if we're broken up, together, or just friends. By the looks of it, I doubt it'll work out... I haven't spoken to him for a few days

 

ANYWAYS! The point is, I really think each situation is different, but I seriously haven't seen many couples that work out after infidelity is involved...

 

I wish I could write more examples of success stories, but in general... once someone cheats, their SO breaks up with them or the cheater leaves for the other person/cheats again. At least that's what I always witness.

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Ac143 Enthusiast

Ac143

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Yes it can work after being cheated on - people make mistakes but I dont believe anyone deserves more then a 2nd chance.

 

It all depends on the person & relationship, some people can't handle it. Im not sure if I would be able to but if I ever have to cross that bridge I will.

 

One of my friends bf cheated on her years ago (1 time) at the beginning of their relationship before they were serious or even technically together. Now they are getting married 4 yrs later. Every situation & person is different but it can be saved if both people put a lot of work into it. If this happened 4yrs ago and you are still healing from it, you might not ever recover & might be better off leaving him. Especially if he is making comments like "get over it already"

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